nostalga kicks in
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chromaer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01 2019
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I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg
πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/StupidSexyFlanderss_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25 2019
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The instructor in my self defence class told me that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.

Personally, I think it’s nuts.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 01 2019
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In Canada, you are more likely to die of a moose kick than of a terrorist attack.

Those damn mooselimbs.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2018
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I saw a burglar trying to kick in his own door, so I asked β€œWhat the hell are you doing?”

He said, β€œLike everyone else, I’m working from home.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2020
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When do the Coronavirus symptoms kick in ?

Right off the bat

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2020
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Coworker said, "if you do that again, I'll kick you in the shin."

"That's alright, I wore shinguards today."

"...why?"

"Just for kicks!"

All I got for my wit was a deadpan look and a slow head shake.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/downhillcarver
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 05 2014
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I found a man living in the edge of my roof, and I didn't kick him out

I let him do as he soffit

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CCplusplus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 04 2018
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Ra ra ree, kick em in the knee

Ra ra rass, kick em in the....other knee.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ChStad2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 08 2018
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My future epitaph in case I kick the bucket:
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2016
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Pessimists need a kick in the can'ts.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2018
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When do you kick a midget in the balls

When he is standing next to your wife or girlfriend saying her hair smells great

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dantheman1963
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 20 2017
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Shopping for new kicks for my daughter. I asked my wife why there were no flies in the store. She shrugged and I told her it was because of all the shoe.

Kid groaned, wife groaned, but I got a chuckle from the clerk.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/designatedjohnny
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 05 2017
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Got a good kick out of this in the Sopranos

Tony Soprano: So your father tells me you're takin' up astronomy in college. Kevin Bompensiero: No, business. Tony Soprano: Well, how come he keeps sayin' you're takin' up space in school?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/m_bia
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 09 2014
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I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......

......... The Times are really Rough!!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 61
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 16 2020
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I was reciting A, C, and E music notes in a bar. They kicked me out ...

They said no Minor allowed here . ..

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/afarro
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2020
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I got kicked out of karaoke after singing β€œDanger Zone” nine times in a row.

Too many Loggins attempts.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 453
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 21 2019
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Just seen a burglar kicking his own door in. I asked 'What are you doing ?'

He said, "Working from home"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2020
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My drunk friend was kicked out of Karaoke for singing β€œDanger Zone” 7 times in a row.

He had exceeded the maximum number of Loggins attempts.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 27 2018
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How to catch an elephant

Dig a big hole, Fill it with ashes, Sprinkle peas on top, When the elephant goes to take a pea, Kick it in the ash hole.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Advaldinho
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 06 2021
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I’ll never forget my dads last words before he kicked the bucket. He looked me in the eyes and said

β€œSon”... β€œhow far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 72
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 19 2020
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I once farted in an Apple Store. They kicked me out because they didin't have Windows
πŸ‘οΈŽ 81
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Nikklovesreddit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 03 2019
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A bad testicles joke may evoke great reactions

It can kick people in the groan

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ZarcoMacro
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 15 2021
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A length of rope walks into a bar and orders two shots...

the bartender kicks him out on the daily making it known that they don’t serve ropes in his bar. One day he decides that he may have better luck with a disguise, so he ties himself up in a good tangle and frantically pulls all the fibers apart at both of his cut ends. He walks back into the bar and orders two shots. The bartender says to him, β€œ Hey...aren’t you that rope I kicked out of here yesterday?”. The rope looks at him confused and says, β€œ No, I’m a frayed knot”.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 56
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/5YearApril
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 05 2021
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How do you catch a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice Line the hole with peas When the polar bear bends over to take a pea, Ya kick it in the icehole!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MikeHoncho303
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2021
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What would you get if a dinosaur kicked you in the backside?

A mega sore ass.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 47
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/td941
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 12 2018
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What’s the best way to trap a polar bear?

First drill a hole in the ice and line it with green peas. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the icehole!

(Told to me by my dad at dinner this evening)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/megsie72
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 05 2021
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A horse walks into a bar

And gets kicked out, horses can't be in bars.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SamsungAppleOnePlus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2021
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My wife kicked me in the face when I told her: Police! Freeze!

I guess I won’t be going undercover again.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vapingpigeon94
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 09 2019
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My wife got mad at me for kicking the dropped ice cubes under the refrigerator. Then told me I was terrible with directions. And then she added that I should stop cross dressing in her clothes. She also didn't like the female neighbor sun bathing nude in her backyard.

I nearly shit her pants, even though the ice-incident was water under the fridge! I was on the fence about the neighbor sun-bathing nude, but I packed her things and right anyway.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 09 2019
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Which hurts more: a woman giving birth or a man getting kicked in the nads?

All I'm saying is...a year or two after being kicked in the nads, I've never heard a guy say, "you know what! I think I'd like to be kicked in the nads again."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 591
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BALTIM0RE
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 12 2016
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My friend and I got kicked out of a NBA game because we went dressed in brightly coloured chicken suits.

Two flagrant fowls means an automatic ejection.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 49
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 17 2019
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What's a pirate say when he gets kicked in the groin?

Menards

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theAverageITGuy
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 01 2019
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My farmhand is in the hospital because he was kicked by a horse

His condition is pretty stable.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 60
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KetoSaiba
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2017
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Escape

A blonde, brunette and a red head escape from prison. While running across a field they hear the guards coming and being tired, the red head suggested hiding in some potato sacks they found.

When the guards reached the sacks one kicked the bag containing the red head, she went meow meow. "Just a sack of kittens" said the guard. Then he kicked the brunettes bag, she went woof woof. "Just a bag of puppies". Lastly he kicked the blondes bag and she went potato potato.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/syhendrickson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2021
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What is last ingredient in kicking ass?

Cacao!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sommerspjs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 24 2019
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When I die, I want to go out peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...

Not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/soaraf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2020
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[OC] What did the Canadian say when he kicked off his weekend by stepping in a pile of dog poop?

It's Saturday, and it's a turd, eh...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/J4K0
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 29 2018
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I just saw a burglar kick his own door in...

Me: "What are you doing?"

Burglar: "Working from home."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/orduk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 07 2020
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The instructor in my self defense class told me that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.

Personally, I think it’s nuts

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 21 2019
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I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row...

They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 13 2017
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I just got kicked out of Karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row…

They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 06 2017
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I was kicked out of the karaoke bar for singing Highway To The Danger Zone 3 times in a row.

Too many Loggins attempts I guess.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Spotter66
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2019
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To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas

Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JosephsMythJr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 09 2020
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How do you catch a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice and place a pea at the edge of the hole. Then you hide. When the polar bear stops to take a pea you kick it in the ice hole.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/trusti360
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 31 2020
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