Kick 2 Puns

"Do you wanna see how far I can kick that bucket?"

"Hey, watch how far I can kick this bucket."

I did some yardwork yesterday and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing." The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?" At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions. Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know? Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion: A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case. Time for another beer.

You'll get JurassKicked

Dig a big hole, Fill it with ashes, Sprinkle peas on top, When the elephant goes to take a pea, Kick it in the ash hole.

I’m trying really hard to kick the abbot

It can kick people in the groan

"Son, watch how far I can kick this bucket."

I would have broken more if they didn’t kick me out of the music store.

So we will be kicking them out tonight.

the bartender kicks him out on the daily making it known that they don’t serve ropes in his bar. One day he decides that he may have better luck with a disguise, so he ties himself up in a good tangle and frantically pulls all the fibers apart at both of his cut ends. He walks back into the bar and orders two shots. The bartender says to him, “ Hey...aren’t you that rope I kicked out of here yesterday?”. The rope looks at him confused and says, “ No, I’m a frayed knot”.

A mushroom walked into a bar. The bartender immediately kicked him out. The mushroom responded with c’mon I’m a fungi

My friend asked me how many exactly
I said, "Olive them"

...because it's a Side Kick.

Son at shops the next day: Mum, can we get that box of apples? Mum now pretty confused: why honey? Son: I kinda kicked my football through the doctors window

You cut a hole in the ice Line the hole with peas When the polar bear bends over to take a pea, Ya kick it in the icehole!

First drill a hole in the ice and line it with green peas. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the icehole!

(Told to me by my dad at dinner this evening)

And gets kicked out, horses can't be in bars.

Their car breaks down next to a corn field and they decide to run through it as the law is quickly approaching. They stumble upon a barn. Inside they find three burlap sacks and one of them suggests they should each hide inside one. Shortly after, the sherriff and his deputies arrive at the barn. They notice the three sacks. The sheriff kicks the first one containing the brunette and she says "Meow, meow." "Oh it's just a sack of kittens." One of the deputies says. The sherriff kicks the sack where the redhead is hiding and she says "woof, woof." "That's just a sack of puppies" they say. The sherriff kicks the third sack with the blonde inside and she exclaims "Potato, potato."

...and ends up on the Island of Trid. The people there are starving and explain to the pastor that it’s because whenever they try to harvest the fruit at the top of the mountain, the nasty giant comes out of his cave and boots them all back down the hill. This infuriates the pastor who then declares that tomorrow he will join them on their next attempt. The next day they all march up the mountain together, and sure enough, out comes the giant who proceeds to kick all of the locals back down the hill leaving only the new guy to gather fruit at his leisure. Finally, he stops and asks the giant, “Well, aren’t you going to knock me off the mountain?”. Shaking his head, the giant says, “Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids”.

They drop kick the bucket.

He really gets a kick out of it.

"Mum!!! You're going to get us kicked out of Disney world. "

I was immediately kicked out.

A blonde, brunette and a red head escape from prison. While running across a field they hear the guards coming and being tired, the red head suggested hiding in some potato sacks they found.

When the guards reached the sacks one kicked the bag containing the red head, she went meow meow. "Just a sack of kittens" said the guard. Then he kicked the brunettes bag, she went woof woof. "Just a bag of puppies". Lastly he kicked the blondes bag and she went potato potato.

Not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car.

First, dig a large hole and fill it with ashes.

Next, line the hole with green peas.

Then when the bear takes a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.

They finally kicked him out of the theater.

When the bear stops to take a pea, kick it in the ice hole!

Said by a British chemist: "I'll kick your arsenic!"

Said by an American chemist: "I'll kick your astatine!"

While traveling to a cookout at my dads house, my wife (W) was working through the alphabet with my son (s)

Letter “I”: W: “ I is for..... iguana” S: “iguana.... iguana go outside.” W: looks at me. I look at him. S: (in his best dad style, cheesy laugh) “ha, ha.”

He had no idea what he said. But gosh we got a kick out of it.

I get a real kick out of them.

Unfortunately, I kicked it too hard and it broke the window. We called the repair guy and, apparently when he came two hours later, the window was still in pane.

Sneezy is getting kicked out the seven dwarfs.

I’m still waiting for my adult super-vision to kick in

Kicking the ice under the fridge my wife gave me a dirty look...

"Can you forgive me?" I ask.

"Of course" she replies

"Well, I guess thats water under the Fridge then..."

He said "Hey, watch how far I can kick this bucket."

He said, “Hey! How far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.

You cut a hole in the ice and place a pea at the edge of the hole. Then you hide. When the polar bear stops to take a pea you kick it in the ice hole.

"Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

"Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket."

First, you drill a hole in the ice then line it with peas. When the bear comes to take a pee, you kick him in the ice hole.

(My daughter's joke actually)

You dig a really big hole and fill it with ashes. You line up peas around the edge. When an elephant comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.

He said: "Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

He really gets a kick out of it.

"Watch how far I can kick this bucket!!!: