My neighbour is a key worker.

He picks locks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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I asked my local locksmith why he's still open during these crazy times. Turns out he's a key worker.

So is the piano shop owner next door.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthVarn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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I needed to get my locks changed, but all the locksmiths were closed... I thought they were key workers?
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open during lockdown?

They are key workers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarBoobSale
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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Can’t get my head around why Timpsons was closed today.

Surely they’re key workers?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kelsiermist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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Why do locksmiths love covid?

Everyone keeps thanking key workers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Combicon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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I cant believe that locksmiths aren't working in some places

They are key workers after all

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EarthPhl
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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Locksmiths are still working during the quarantine

Because they're key workers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SendMeYourNuudes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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A shout out to Locksmiths.....

.... the original key workers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mole83
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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Went to get a key cut

But there where no employees in the shop. Aren’t they key workers?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neb12345
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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Just fitted a new door lock

As I'm a key worker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OneTwoOneSix
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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My office pulled a dadjoke today..

Scenario: We're closing up for the day, so we need to lock our doors.

One of my co-workers is holding on to the key.

Another one of my co-workers said: Quit being so dorky and give me the door key.

Groaning followed..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fireglare
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2014
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Don't drop things around a dad

Co-worker pulled out his keys and dropped his Zippo. Had to tell him he wouldn't have dropped that if it were lighter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5parky
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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I needed to get my locks changed, but all the local locksmiths were closed...

I thought they were key workers?

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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