Karluk languages Puns

Origins and History

When God created the Earth, He created Odam and Ayol, or as you uneducated English speakers call them, Adam and Eve. They spoke the most holy of all languages, that being Uzbek. They had children that filled the Earth, and each an every one of them spoke Uzbek. They had an advanced society, more advanced then our own society, and built towers leading up to the sky. Eventually, they attemped to make a tower that led up to Heaven itself. God saw this and cursed them to speak a multitude of languages, such as French, German, Spanish, English, Russian, and Klingon. He then banished all of the remaining Uzbek speakers to a landlocked desert in Central Asia, and there they stayed. They still do live there, (except for the ones Stalin forced out) and still speak Uzbek, the first language. Many will tell you that the creator of Esperanto was a Pole, but that is wrong. He was actually an Uzbek, who created a universal language called "Uzbek-Russian-Japanese-Polish-German-Ultra French-Italian-Klingon Pidgin," also known as Esperanto. He was eventually forced out for trying to create a universal language other than Uzbek, and pretended to be a Pole because of this.

Future

In the future, Uzbek WILL become the international language. They will achieve this goal by uniting Central Asia and creating the "Greater Republic of Stanistan," and then will go on to conquer the rest of the world. They will spread the Uzbek language from east to west, north to south, and will even conquer Antarctica, Santastan, and the Moon. They will create a homogenous, Uzbek state, where everyone speaks either Uzbek or one of the Uzbek-based Creole languages. That is the future of the world. Goodbye, future subjects of the Uzbek empire.

Seriously, you can be Turkic and of Mongol descent at the same time- trying to unravel the two is difficult since the Mongol empire was so prolific and all of their descendants ended up being Turkified.

Timur, Babur, Shaybani etc are all Mongol rulers who became Turkified and are the crux of the Uzbek identity just as the Pre-Mongol Karluk Turks were. Examples of important Karluk figures include Muhammad II, Jalal Al Din Mangburni (gigachad Karluk who resisted the Mongols, Seljuks and evaded constant threats to his throne at the same time), Mahmud of Ghaznavi and his father Sabuktigin (a Karluk slave from modern day Kyrgyzstan who rose up the ranks and actually founded the Ghaznavid Empire but for some reason his son gets all the credit).

In fact, even though the Turks were living in Central Asia 700-900 years before the Mongols, the Mongol kings who ended up converting to Islam were the main drivers behind the Turkic identities today. Without them, there would be no such thing as Uzbek, Kazakh, Nogai or Tatar.

It's also very possible that the Central Asian Turkic language would have fizzled out or been even more Persified if it weren't for their standardization of our languages. They united the tribes and shaped their culture and identity into who they are now. Without them, Uzbeks alone would have been fragmented into Karluk, Kipchak and Oghuz (modern day Afghan Uzbeks would probably have called themselves Karluk or Kipchak). Then, we would have had Kyrgyz, Uyghurs and Turkmens (their names are ancient and predate the Mongols).

This is because the Uzbek name was given to us by the Mongols. Our people were named after the first Mongol king to convert to Islam, Öz Beg Khan, who overthrew the Mongols that disapproved of Islam and converted his khanate into a sultanate. Even though he ruled over Eastern Europe, the Caucasus and Kazakhstan, he is very well known because of his conversion, his long-lasting reign, his large armies and his diplomacy which catapulted the Golden Horde into it's zenith.

There isn't one Turk on this planet that doesn't have Mongol blood except, perhaps, the Chuvash, Gagauz and maybe Istanbul Turks. Yet I see Afghan Uzbeks and Hazaras saying they aren't of Mongol stock, even though DNA studies have proven this? It's not a bad thing to be descended from Mongolians, we aren't responsible for the crimes of our ancestors. Nobody blames Tajiks or Pashtuns for the crimes o

First of all sorry if on occasions I make mistakes whether it is spelling or of a grammatical nature but English isn’t my first language. And I even get to have a double excuse considering that I’m French and we do have quite a reputation regarding our English learning capacity. So please consider that I’m merely honoring my cultural heritage.

The battle of Talas took place near Taraz on the modern border between Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan in 751 AD. The exact location is yet to be confirmed but the accounts of the events place it on the banks of the Talas River. It took place after a series of smaller engagements between the Umayyad (soon to be Abbassid) empire and the Tang empire, as the two major powers intervened in the local conflicts to gain or maintain control over the Silk Roads. The latest struggle being between the local kings of Tashkent and Ferghana, two local Silk Road towns. The latter won the siege of Tashkent with the support of Gao Xianzhi – a general of Gogureyo descent (a recently defeated Korean kingdom) serving the Tang dynasty – and his troops. The Tang general supposedly had the king beheaded for refusing to pay the tribute he owed the Chinese empire, which in turn caused the son of the king to call for the help of the Abbasid. There is another version where an abbasid general named Ziyad ibn Salih who was already present to help the Tashkent king in his war escaped the city when the besieging army broke in and went to Samarkand to gather an army and confront the Tang army. Meanwhile Gao Xianzhi recruited Karluk Turks in Fergana to bolster the ranks of his army.

The sources are fuzzy to say the least and it only gets worse when it comes to the actual battle itself but whichever story we choose to follow we end up with two armies facing each other near the Talas River.

When it comes to the numbers involved you end up with radically different versions ranging from 40 000 Arab soldiers supported by 20 000 Turks and contingents from the allied Tibetan empire according to the Arab records, to 200 000 soldiers in total forming the ranks of the Abbasid army according to some Chinese estimates. As for the Tang army, once again we are faced with wildly diverging numbers from 10 000 Tang soldiers flanked by 20 000 Karluk mercenaries for the Chinese sources, to a 100 000 to 150 000 soldiers strong Tang army according to the Arab sources.

The Chinese records also insists on the fact that the Tang forces marched a long distance to reach Tashke

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Buenosdillas

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

I was just sitting there doing nothing.