I got into an argument with someone I thought was a "birds aren't real" supporter. I'm an idiot; they were just messing with me and they made some amazing bird puns along the way that deserve attention. The link to the post is in the comments so you can go give the user karma and see the context.
https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=54f0549ebd3c055929698d6fef3bc05782bf5282
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
I've just come to the realisation that in a way a baker is technically also a parent...
Because their raisin bread.
My wife said the best way to deal with bugs in the kitchen is to just leave them alone.
Personally I think that is just ignore ants.
i just learn that sorry is improper grammar and that the correct way to say it is i'm sorry
Just got a delayed grin from my son on the way back to our hunting spot.
Son: Wow that stream is really rush'en.
Me: oh good that is so much better than German.
I just had to pick a country real quick not trying to make any statement....
Beyonce was just telling me the best way to source product for my new pillow-making side-hustle.
I was very surprised when she suggested punching a duck in the face. I replied - I didn't know you could get down like that.
I didn’t know what to think walking into the kitchen last night to find my wife draped in lasagna and pouring piping hot soup over her head. “I’m just putting the dinner on”, she quipped. How we laughed on the way to the burns unit.
I just said 'no comment' all the way through the Police interview......
My wife just told me that Peter Tork of The Monkees died today. I said, “No way!”
I just love the way the Earth spins.
I hate the way viruses just enter my body without permission
When people wonder why I am the way I am, I will just point them to this family conversation. (OC)
imgur.com/ZWNLpTp
My wife just told me that you can strain curdled milk, then use the resulting liquid as a food additive! I was like, "no way!"
Caught my wife and daughter off guard with this one! On the way to drop our daughter off at school, there had unfortunately been a possum that had just been hit in. Every passerby ran to check on it. I casually said “Those people better watch out, this road is obviously impossumble to cross”
Just got my girlfriend on the way to the store
She wants to go get some snacks for the week and this conversation happened:
Me: what did you wanna grab at the store?
Her: I don't know, whatever seems appealing.
Me: ok so some bananas or oranges?
Groans insued and I think her eyes rolled out of her head
A really bad cold has been making its way around my office. The latest victim just started coughing today.
Him: "Nah, I'm not getting sick. It's all in the head. Like allergies. I used to be allergic to pistachios, but now I'm not!" starts eating some pistachios
Me: "Did you really used to be allergic to them?"
Him: "No, of course not. That would be nuts!"
I told my dad "I just need to change real quick" and he responded with "Don't change I love you just the way you are"
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself. MOM: Oh my! Who!? DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something? MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way into town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself. MOM: Oh my! Who!? DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something? MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself. MOM: Oh my! Who!? DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself. MOM: Oh my! Who!? DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something? MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!??????? DAD: No, it was with a knife
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself. MOM: Oh my! Who!? DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something? MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!??????? DAD: No, it was with a knife...
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