Jeff Faine Puns

Our starting center, Kyle Cook, has a foot injury and is going to miss at least half the season. So we just signed Faine today. How did he play last year? I know he's older now, but just curious what you all think.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

1. CIN - QB Tony Romo, Eastern Illinois - You wouldn’t be wrong for maintaining the Palmer pick, but I want to mix things up. Romo ended his career with a better record, TD rate, and INT rate than Palmer. He led 6 top 10 offenses and is an unquestionable franchise QB. (QB Carson Palmer, USC | UDFA)
2. DET - QB Carson Palmer, USC - This is an easy pick for a Lions team led by Joey Harrington. Palmer is one of only two franchise QBs in this class. He answers the QB question that Detroit has been asking for decades. (WR Charles Rogers, Michigan St | 1.01 to CIN)
3. HOU - S Troy Polamalu, USC - I love Andre Johnson. He was a star for Houston. But there is one player in this class that’s already in the Hall. Polamalu had a shorter career compared to guys like Suggs and Newman, but his career was filled with highlights. He was the best player in the league for a long time, and he gives this Houston defense an identity. (WR Andre Johnson, Miami | 1.16 to PIT)
4. CHI - WR Andre Johnson, Miami - Going back to Briggs is tempting, but I have to do something to give this offense a hand. Johnson is a 2x All Pro and 7x Pro Bowler that put up four 1400+ yard seasons over his 14 year career. He gives the Bears a real chance at keeping up with Peyton Manning in their eventual showdown. (CHI gives 1.04 to NYJ or 1.13, 1.22, 4.116; NYJ pick DT Dewayne Robertson, Kentucky | 1.03 to HOU)
5. DAL - TE Jason Witten, Tennessee - We don’t have to do much imagining here. Witten found his way to Dallas in the 3rd round, but there isn’t a chance in hell he’s dropping out of the top 10 in a redraft. He gets his name called to Dallas to return as the offensive leader through the ups and downs. (CB Terence Newman, Kansas St | 3.69 to DAL)
6. ARI - WR Anquan Boldin, Florida St - Much like the Witten pick at 5th overall, I’m simply accelerating the inevitable with Boldin. With still a top 3 rookie season, Boldin was an excellent pick. He put together 3 Pro Bowl seasons before becoming the alpha in Baltimore and San Fran. In his 14 years, he only dipped below 800 yards three times. (ARI gives 1.06, 2.37, 4.102 to NO for 1.17, 1.18, 2.54; NO picks DT Johnathan Sullivan, Georgia | 2.54 to ARI)
7. MIN - DT Kevin Williams, Oklahoma St - Is it cheating to accelerate MIN up two picks? In any case, I have another return to sender with Williams back in purple. He formed half of the mighty Williams Wall that had opposing OLs in fear. He was a smart pick

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

I won't be doing that today!

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

And then shook his arm really fast.

(True story, please groan with me.)

[Removed]

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.

When I got home, they were still there.