Jar opener Puns

No, I can't. It's ajar.

My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill. My wife while looking at me: -.-

you get a Jar Jar in an Ajar Jar.

I can never seem to pull it off

I asked why she would need help opening something that was ajar.

Yes it was a sinkhole de mayo.

With his bear hands

I told her to download Java

So my 11 year old daughter was having trouble opening a jar of grape jelly and asked for my help. I took it and got it open after a bit of a struggle, and said...."Wow, that lid was really JAMMED on there." I got a world class eye roll out of her.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

“Yes of course” replied Trevor

I was home alone a few hours ago and wanted to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I apply peanut butter and then go downstairs for jelly since there's none upstairs. I grab a new jar and try to open it. However I am incredibly weak so I fail to get it open. After five to ten minutes of trying to open it, I call my mother who is out running errands.

"Mom, are you coming home soon?" "No, why?" "... I can't get this jelly jar open..." "Look in the top shelf with the silverware. There's a red plastic thing. That's a jar opener, use that." "Alright, one sec..." Jar opens "YES!!" Jumps for joy and rushes back to phone "THANK YOU SO MUCH MOM!" "No problem." "I was in a real jam." mom hangs up, sighing

My wife couldn't open a jar of grape jelly. Our two year old didn't understand why she had to bring it to me. He was only concerned with how long it was taking to make his sandwich. I opened it, but it was pretty hard because the jelly had caked around the threads and dried in place, gluing the lid to the jar.

My wife saw our son getting impatient and told him, "Hold on kiddo, mommy couldn't open the jar, so she had to bring it to daddy. Even daddy had a hard time opening it."

At this point, my internal dad joke radar started screaming a proximity warning. The collision with a dad joke was imminent. I smiled, took half a second to bask in my dad glory, and added, "Yeah, it was jammed."

Wife groaned, but son laughed (because he saw the lid was finally open). I take whatever I can get.

...and when she opened the jar it was just about empty. I didn't miss a beat: "That must be the old tella."

Dad: Frucknog! Come in here

Me: What's up?

Dad: open this jar for me, my hands are all wet.

Me: Why do I need to open it, it's already ajar!

We had a good laugh. The rest of my family hates our jokes :(

My dad walks into the room to see me looking in the fridge.

Dad: "What are you doing?"

Me: "Looking for a jar of jelly"

Dad: "It shouldn't be a jar"

Me: "I realize, but how else am I gonna look for the jelly without the door slightly open?"

After spending an hour cleaning a filthy fridge for the second time in three weeks, I was irritable and complaining loudly about all the nasty leftovers left in there. My boyfriend, trying to be cute, opens up a jar of pickled okra and puts one into my mouth mid-sentence...

Him: "Here have some."

Me: Sigh "Okay..."

Him: It's hard to argue with pickled okra...

...because it doesn't talk."