A man saw his friend googling what happens when you swallow a grenade...

The man asked, β€œWhy are you googling that?”

The friend responded, β€œSomeone said I should try it. They said it would blow my mind.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My witty father got me with this long-con

One morning while sitting down for breakfast, my Dad looks up, points at my waist and exclaims, "What are those two things coming out of your butt?!" My 6 yr. old self wheels around like a dog chasing it's tail looking for said objects. nothing. I ask what they were and he says he's not sure, but that I will be fine. After school he get's home from work. Me: "Dad, do you those things coming out of my butt still?" Dad: "Yup" Repeat action and conversation from the morning again. And repeat again then next day, and the next ... 7 days in total I'm getting pissed my Dad see's them all the time but my Mom and older Sister don't. I surely don't see two things coming out of my butt. I'm starting to freak out and cry. Why can I not see these two things coming out of my butt, I'm sobbing, blubbering gibberish and spittle running down my chin to my shirt. I'm gasping for air and crying and just about to blow a gasket (I'm 6 mind you ...) my mom finally had enough, "Dammit Craig ... TELL HIM NOW!!" I get all calmed down and start getting excited, I'm going to find out! he sits me down and tells me this ... "I have told you all week that you had two things coming out of your butt?" That's why I'm losing my shit, Dad "Well, I was talking about your legs. You're legs come out of your butt and you have two of them." all the while looking me straight in the eyes, he starts a famously wonderful shit-grin. Mom loses it again, throws her arms up in utter frustration/disappointment/disbelief. Sister virtually pissing herself in laughter. My dad gets up, smiling that smile, he walks away with a pat on the head. "Pay better attention next time."

groan.

TLDR: I was 6, told I have 2 things coming out of my butt for a week. finally told that they where my legs. facepalm and groaner.

edit: - waiting for the right moment to pull this one on my 5 and 7 yr old ...

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acollins144
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2013
🚨︎ report
Coworker got us on the weather

Manager near us: do you see how windy it is out there? Coworker: yeah it's blowing my mind

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JaeqPiegDeivys
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2016
🚨︎ report
Got Dadjoked by my mom this morning (BREAKING BAD SEASON 4 SPOILERS).

I finished Season 4 of Breaking Bad last night and I texted my mom (who's seen the whole show) telling her about what I thought of it.

I said, "Yeah, Gus's death was pretty much the most disturbing thing I've ever seen on TV (alongside a certain Game of Thrones scene, but she doesn't watch that...)."

She replied, "Yeah, that whole finale was pretty mind-blowing."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Wolfdog
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.