I apologise if this isn't allowed.

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoThruTrucks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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My wife asked, β€œIf someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”

I told her I think it’s worth a shot

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dnizzle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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This isn’t just gross - it’s fucking fowl
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norse_force_30
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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A joke about communism isn’t funny unless...

everyone gets it.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConfidentDuck1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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I'm disappointed this Bible for the blind isn't called "The Holy Braille"
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cornelius____
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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What has five toes but isn't your foot?

My foot.

Edit: Thanks a lot guys for the awards and upvotes. ;) :)

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/D3V1L420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".

I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.

The physical pain on his face was priceless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaman_90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Playing as a Monk in Dungeons & Dragons isn’t so hard.

You just have to roll with the punches and look out for number one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Soft_Spoken
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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9 months really isn't that long...

It just feels like a maternity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Musicians say if the world isn't round

It would B flat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PieShape_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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Why isn't there an Apple iPhone Fold?

Because Apple don't want iPhone to be afoldable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rawkmaniac
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Just found out that 'Aaarrrgggghhh' isn't a real word.

I can't tell you how angry I am.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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A steak that isn't done properly...

is a misteak.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KaladinThunder
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Its a good thing sexual innuendos isn't a crime...

I'd definitely be going down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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What has 5 toes, but isn’t your foot?

My foot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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My dad isn’t usually one full of dad jokes, but he hit me with a great one today.

For context, my dad had a leg amputation a few months back but he’s been in mostly good spirits about it. We were talking about places to eat in our area, and he asked where one of the fast food restaurants was around here, so I said β€œIt’s at the intersection, where the IHOP is.”

Dad replied, β€œOh, that’s my favorite place to get breakfast.”

I never got food with my dad at IHOP before so I was confused, but then it dawned on me what he meant. 😐

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kalleh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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How can you tell when a country isn't fake?

When it Israel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anarchyinyourhead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Why is my stud finder constantly going off even when it isn't touching the wall?

Oh wait... I'm holding it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ndisa44
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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I'm trying to convince my friend that being a fraudster isn't for him. I went over to his house the other day and he was putting canned meat in envelopes.

Apparently he was sending a bunch of Spam Mail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmar4234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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This happened with me today morning. My phone's headphone jack isn't working so I asked my dad what to do about it.

He said, "Let's get a headphone Jill, then!"

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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Does anyone know if doctors could take some of my butt flesh and graft it onto someone who isn't a relative?

Ass skin for a friend.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigjambo1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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Condensation really isn't the best way to water your lawn...

But it'll make dew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i4mb4tm4n
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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Figuring out how to starve a zombie isn’t difficult.

It’s a no-brainer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gary_October
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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What do you call the part of the snake that isn't it's head?

It snek

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Antihuman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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My kids are asking for a ping pong table for Christmas this year, but I told them that isn’t an easy decision.

A lot of bouncing back and forth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/schwano
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Latin isn’t a dead language

It’s just Roman around

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πŸ‘€︎ u/treatyofparis1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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WARNING! Your PC isn't protected and you are susceptible to Trojans!

Download GREEK Protector today!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpongeWTF
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Sorry this isn’t really a joke but I wanted to say thanks

I just wanted to thank everyone here. My mom has been in the hospital with the virus and being able to send her jokes from here has made her laugh (we both really like puns!) so I just wanted to thank y’all for the fun jokes you post. I know it doesn’t seem like much but it has been very nice to be able to share them with her!

Edit: thank you so much for the awards and well wishes! I 100% did not expect this to blow up like it did and I’m so glad for y’all’s support!!

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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Shocking, isn't it?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kanamuna24
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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How do we know that the earth isn't flat?

If it was, cats would have knocked everything off the edge already.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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A driveway isn't a parking lot...

...it's a parking little

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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People say camping isn’t very hard

But I gotta say it gets in-tents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rippstar7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Working from home isn’t always great,

But I guess it is better than being in Office 365

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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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There was a debate suggesting the environment isn’t that important after all.

It was pretty anti-climatic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karrathan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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My relationship isn't stable.

But my horses are.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phenicutie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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If Watson isn't the most famous doctor...

...Then Who is.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrPackinwud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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Though technically, one isn't
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ebtcrew
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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Robin: β€œThe Batmobil isn’t starting!” Batman: β€œDid you charge the battery?”

Robin: β€œWhat the hell is a tery?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rafwaf123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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It isn't an accident!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arihant100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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Oklahoma isn't good or bad

It just OK

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JK-Debatte
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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Hollywood isn’t real

They are all just payed actors

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotKarprar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."

I opened it and it works fine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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His Sun isn't so bright...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loot98
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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That cat isn't truthful

He's lion!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ebatm3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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A joke about herd immunity isn't funny unless...

...everyone gets it.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HunterSwan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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just found out that "aarrrrrhhgggg" isn't a real word.

i can't tell you how angry I am.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexGostiljac
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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What has 5 toes but isn’t your foot?

My foot

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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