They're refrigerants.
Sea Biscuit
Q: how do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
A: first open the door next put the giraffe in
Q: how do you put an elephant in the fridge?
A: open the fridge take the giraffe out and put the elephant in there instead
Q: the king lion called a meeting with all the animals in the kingdom, one animal didn't come who was it?
A: it was the elephant because he was still in the fridge
Q: You need to cross a crocodile infested river but there is no bridge how do you get across?
A: you swim across the crocodiles are still at the meeting
He's just ignorant
It has started to decimate the population since they aren't mating with the female lions. People are calling it the worst infestation of dandy-lions in history!
She looked really angry when I came home with sugar cubes.
I am almost done but the debugging process has been really dificult
They're account ants.
...is quite a mice thing to wish on your enemies.
I had to let her know that we’ll need to find a different ANTS-er.
...and all I got was this lousy mug.
The SWAT Team
If a cockroach has sex with its sister, is it considered infest?
Too many cousins.
I can already tell it's going to be a real shitshow.
Talibants
A conservative vector field
Got my calculus professor with this one last year.
He visits ant infested houses, kills all the ants for free with the condition of keeping dead ants' heads to himself.
He is a Phil-ant-trophist.
more like dad revelations. I was pulling up carpet and padding Sunday because we adopted two very rude Husky puppies last year that like to urinate in the house. As I was working, I was listening to Parliment Funkadelic on Pandora and I came to the realization that I was listening to P-Funk as I was dealing with pee funk.
Another thing that happened the same day was I took an opened bag of bird feed out of the closet to pull the carpet up and when I looked at it a bit later, I saw beetles all over the bag and crawling on the counter where I had set it. Probably 40 of the little suckers. I had to text my wife about that one. "Honey, I've got bad news. Our bag of bird feed has been infested with beetles. Yes, our bird feed has been infested with... more bird feed."
Anyway, just thought I would share. Carry on with the groaners.
Any time there's an insect in my girlfriend's house she calls me over to handle it, usually to cup it and throw it outside. On this fine occasion I observed what looked like a very small roach (Order: Blattodea), possibly a german roach, the kind that are much less freaky huge but more likely to infest a house. Not wanting to take any chances with a german roach infestation, I immediately smashed the little guy instead of saving him.
My GF asks, "what was it? a roach?"
The body is pretty squished and it's hard to see any identifiable features.
I say, "I'm pretty sure it's a Splattodea"
((To be played back and forth with a friend as questions and answers))
[499.]
What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? [1. Open door. 2. Put elephant in. 3. Close door.]
What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator? [1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Put giraffe in. 4. Close door.]
All the animals attend a birthday party for the king of the jungle, except one. Who didn’t attend? [The giraffe. He’s still in the refrigerator.]
A girl swims across an alligator infested river, but safely makes it to the other side. How was that possible? [All the alligators were at the birthday party.]
The girls still dies though, how come? [The one brick from the airplane fell on her head.]
"Don't mention it."
I've been flying out of O'Hare Airport in Chicago, and I park in the economy lot. A section of the lot is just completely infested with rabbits. I was pulling into the section and 5 rabbits run accross the aisle, and I think to myself "That must be why they call this O'HARE Airport!" Unfortunately I was alone.
So I get back home from college this weekend and my mom was explaining to me how we had a pretty bad ant infestation coming in through our kitchen wall.
My dad proceeds to tell me that he's gone through two bags of ant bait (they pick the food up and bring it back to the hive) already.
I say, oh wow you must be getting pretty good at killing ants then, and he says "I guess you can just call me the master-baiter". I had to stop and literally applaud him. My mom just rolled her eyes as usual, but I have to give it to the old man this time.
they have Sasquatch infestations
It has started to decimate the population since they aren't mating with the female lions. People are calling it the worst infestation of dandy-lions in history!
