I always said that I would never ever go walking the dark scary tunnels in the earth.

But eventually I caved.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sheppo42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
β€ͺWhy can’t 2021 take a picture in the dark

because it doesn’t have flash

πŸ‘︎ 206
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZETA_RETICULI_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
A shot in the dark
πŸ‘︎ 611
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the director unhappy with the close-ups in the Dark Knight trilogy?

All he was getting was Bale-ful looks.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTattedspyder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I've just discovered the Cantonese culture of doing maths in a dark room at breakfast

Apparently they enjoy dim sums in the morning

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shrubb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me it's too dangerous to put away dishes in the dark

I said "it's a whisk I'm willing to take"

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrightHausJon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
While sailing across the ocean, the night watchman saw a dark shape in the distance. He called the First Mate, who also couldn't tell what it was. So he called the Captain. "I can't tell either," he said. "Fetch me an obstetrician."

The obstetrician came to the bridge, squinted into the night and said:

"Congratulations, Captain. It's a buoy!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesmartass1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter wanted to play hide and seek in the dark. I said "That means I would only be able to find you using sound ...

so nah!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Conan-doodle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My new business failed miserably, I was selling T-shirts featuring glow in the dark dollar bills

But then my Dad reminded me: money doesn’t glow on tees.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Sex in the dark is overrated.

I want to see what I'm getting into.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/raddaya
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My dog has a glow-in-the-dark tennis ball

We try not to leave it in the yard on sunny days, because that would lead to glow ball warming.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fizzmore
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Children in the dark make accidents,but accidents in the dark make children.
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roody_killer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a flower that glows in the dark?

A light bulb

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talazare
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is "Dark" spelled with a K, and not a C ? Because you can’t C in the dark.
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I admit I took a shot in the dark

Iran out of plausible deniability

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jesus4KingChrist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Me and my date got tired of eating in dark restaurants, the food isn't even that great

Today we ate the dinner with delight.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wuchta
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is it so dark in the Apple factory?

They have no windows.

πŸ‘︎ 119
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GenuineCupcake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in the dark?

I dunno.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I was taking my kids trick or treating along a dark country road, on a moonless Halloween night, when all of a sudden, a vampire swooped down from the darkness and landed right in front of us!

My daughter shrieked,"Quick dad, show him your cross!"

Without a second thought, I shouted, "YOU LEAVE US ALONE YOU BIG MEAN OLD VAMPIRE!!"

πŸ‘︎ 231
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2017
🚨︎ report
Here’s a shot in the dark at telling a dad joke
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2xj59ae
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
We work in the dark to serve the light

Assassins?

No, electricians.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mau230404
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Was working under the sink in the dark, and my wife asked if I needed a light.

I told her no thanks, I don't smoke.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nkillgore
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Never ride your horse in the dark.

It's a night mare.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/74CK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call cheese that glows in the dark?

Halloumi-nescent

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sphinctaltickle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you ever pooped in the dark?

You can’t see shit.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swimmingmars
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of horse only rides in the dark?

A nightmare

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeahnoikno
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
If you're shopping for horses in the dark, go for stallions.

I mean, you don't want nightmares do you.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apostjustforthis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the bucket say to the rope in the dark?

Well, well, well....

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tychobrahe2020
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2016
🚨︎ report
How do you find King Arthur in the dark?

You use a knight light.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nicvanroon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2013
🚨︎ report
Sitting in my office, scanning reddit in the dark...

Daughter calls out: "Dad, why are you in the dark?"

Me: "BECAUSE NOBODY WILL TELL ME THE TRUTH!"

groaning was heard...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EngineerBill
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Can cats see in the dark?

Yes! They see a whole lot of dark!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bipolarbearsRAWR
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2014
🚨︎ report
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Children in the dark make accidents

But accidents in the dark make children

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jtrad_24
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What you do in the dark..

is shady business.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/R3DLOTU5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report

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