In Training Puns

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.

“Something I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.

Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.

“That’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. “I’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”

So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.

He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.

“Master Yoda!” he asks. “What did I do wrong?”

Yoda replies sagely, “A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”

Now he is beaten at school and karate.

Use the forks, Luke.

Dad, I’m not a girl, I don’t wear dresses!

A Spec-U-Later

He was their Grill Sergeant.

He was just winging it

So I pushed her over.

The instructor said he'd never even seen me in the classroom.

An apprenticeship.

I was well prepared!

I said BIG ONES in the opposite direction of the fire....apparently the wrong answer.

Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.

An envy pee.

(like an MVP, get it..OK I go away now)

Son: When do cows moo a lot?

Me: I don't know, when?

Son: When they com-moo-nicate

Characters: My wife, my son (four years old), and my daughter (his twin, so obviously also four).

Son: "My classmate didn't like me laughing at her today."

Wife: "Why were you laughing at her?"

Son: "I'm a vampire! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"

Wife: "OH! Like an evil laugh?"

Son: "Yeah! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"

Daughter: "I'm a witch! Hee hee hee hee!"

Wife: "So you're both monsters?"

Son: "Yep!"

Daughter: "Hee hee hee hee!"

Wife: "Am I a monster too?"

Son: "Yeah! You're a ... " <dramatic pause> " ... mummy."

Whole family in hysterical laughter, and after it dies down he goes, "Get it!? Mummy!"

I've never been so proud. A spontaneously generated pun of that caliber at four years old, AND an unnecessary clarification/repetition of the joke? I've got high hopes for this one.

My partner and I went in for her first appointment since we found out she is pregnant. While taking blood, she said, "that's a lot of vials." Immediately, I respond with, "I don't know why people call them that. I don't think they are so vile."

How am I doing? Will I make a good dad?

The name tag read:

Store Name

Sabrina

In training

I said "You've been Sabrina your whole life. You shouldn't need to be training for that."

My brother's best friend isn't a dad yet, but he sure will be up there as a corny dad when he is... Years ago we went to Applebee's to celebrate my brother's 21st birthday. My brother's friend wasn't 21 yet. While they were standing at the bar, my brother orders a beer. Then his friend proceeds to do this:

Bartender- "What are you having?"

Brother's friend- "I'll have a beer....that'll be a root beer." ::winks at bartender and shoots his finger::

Bartender- ::SILENCE::

Yesterday I was able to pull off my first dadjoke!

Someone in my evening class said "I'm tired" and without batting an eye I replied "Hi Tired, I'm Horst!" :)

So yeah, I'm in training - baby is due in december, so I am kind of in bootcamp right now. Any advice from the more experienced dadjokers? Good next step for me?

My girlfriend said she needed to make an eye appointment soon as I was driving her back to school before work.

I said, "Don't you have to get an A appointment and an E appointment first??"

She stared at me while shaking her head in disbelief.

Pride level: High

(May have been dadjoke'd before.. If so, my apologies. There are some smart guys out there)

Today while we were watching the Colts-Broncos game my mom read something she saw on Pinterest saying, "if a woman speaks and nobody listens, she's probably called mom." My little brother responded with, "what'd you say?"

Him: "Hey have you heard of that movie Constipated?"

Me: "No...?"

Him: "That's because... it hasn't come out yet!"

Groans commenced while he burst out laughing.

My brother, my roommate and I were sitting in our living room and hadn't said a thing to each other for about 2 hours.

Me: "Nobody has said anything to each other in like two hours."

Brother: "I guess we were just enjoying each other's presence, since presence is the greatest gift of all. HAHAHA."

So my friend decided to head to the gun range, and the following conversation ensued:

Friend: So yea, I I'm going to the gun range tomorrow with my girlfriend. Should be lots of fun!

Me: You'll definitely get a bang out of that!

Someone else: "So what are you doing now that you're graduated?" Girl in hot tub: "I work in beer up in Portland." Me: "Do you ever come up for air?"

Nobody got it. I fear my jokes will only be funny once I reproduce.