Band aid
An operate!
Halfway through the show, the music stops and Bono stands middle stage clapping his hands every few seconds. "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies" Without missing a beat, from somewhere in the front of the crowd a man bellows out in a thick Irish accent: "Well stop fucking doing it ya evil bastard!"
but I partied like it's $19.99.
It is a long standing commitment.
It was a Careless Swiss Pear.
I don't remember what band was playing though.
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
It was the first time I had used a pick up line to talk to a woman.
Because the 23.60 Gambian Dalasi concert was much more polpular.
Friend- "You know I saw Styx in concert once!" Dad- "I picked up some sticks once" ignores first dad joke TropicalThursday to friend- "How were they live?" Dad- "Oh I've never found an alive stick.." Dad chuckles to self
Best Prague rock show I've ever seen.
Dad: What group was this guy in again?
Me: The Three Tenors.
Dad: Do you know how much they used to get paid?
Me: (Groan) How much?
Dad: Thirty quid.
"The last thing I saw was Dan Singh on the ceiling", said a spokesman this evening.
Nero, his single is fire
One dude got it, thus validating what I was doing.
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
I was playing a woodwind instrument in a concert hall. In my underpants.
I was the flute of the room.
In the version they're doing, the bass section plays a bit at the start, then just sits there til the final part of the last movement. So, they decide to leave the concert and go out for drinks.
While at the bar down the street, they meet a European nobleman, and they become good friends. Unfortunately, the guy had been gorging himself on crappy bar food, and he quickly falls into a food coma.
One of the basses drunkenly checks his watch and says, "crap! We're not going to get back on stage in time!" As they're sprinting back, one of them says, "actually, I thought this would happen, so I tied some of the pages of the conductor's score together - that way, he'll have to slow the tempo way down with his right hand while undoes the knots with his left!"
And so they get back just in time to finish the Symphony, and the audience is none the wiser. The conductor, however, was furious.
After all, they'd left him at the bottom of the 9th, with the score tied, while the basses were loaded, and the Count was full.
This is disconcerting news.
But seriously:
important, my family speaks Spanish
After my school's Christmas concert, I went out to eat with my family. They were asking me about some people who were announced for having made it into the All-State Band and Orchestra, one of which was a string bass player (contrabajo in Spanish).
I told them: "Si... Ella toca contrabajo. (Yes... She plays string bass.)"
And my dad replies: "¿Pues si toca con trabajo, porque la aceptaron? (Well if she plays with difficulty, why did they accept her?)"
TL;DR: Contrabajo = string bass, con trabajo = with difficulty
I hope this is the proper venue for this post. If not, feel free to delete me.
This came from when I was doing production lighting. Every once in a while during concert setup the audio tech would need help with mic check. Now the "real" audio guys would always just stand there going "check check check one two". Me being not a real audio guy wanted to have more fun than that, so I would always do "pages" as if I was paging people. But I would use these assumed names. Here is a partial list of names I would use. If you look closely you might notice a familiar u/name or two.
Paging Mister Lobbla … Mister Bob Lobbla (from Arrested Development)
Paging Mister Vitoomey … Mister Lee Vitoomey
Paging Mister Frescoe … Mister Al Frescoe
Paging Miss Haivure … Miss Bee Haivure
Paging Miss Mitch … Miss Miranda Mitch (my random itch - from The Mick?)
Paging Miss Dactyl … Miss Tara Dactyl
Paging Miss Falactec … Miss Anna Falactec
Paging Miss Tonin … Miss Sarah Tonin
Paging Mister Zinette … Mister Ray Zinnette
Paging Mister Reader … Mister Chip Reader
Paging Miss Kiaki … Miss Sue Kiaki
Paging Mister Doffish … Mister Stan Doffish
Paging Mister Debank … Mister Robin Debank
Paging Mister Festo … Mister Manny Festo
Paging Mister Ifornia … Mister Cal Ifornia
Paging Mister Itosis … Mister Hal Itosis
Paging Mister Saroni … Mister Rye Saroni
Paging Mister Nasium … Mister Jim Nasium
Paging Mister Aroon … Mister Mac Aroon
Paging Miss Ester … Miss Polly Ester
Paging Miss Rexia … Miss Anna Rexia
Paging Mister Zapan … Mister Pete Zapan
Paging Mister Tenuff … Mister Jess Tenuff
Paging Miss Eous … Miss Elaine Eous
Paging Mister Aroni … Mister Mac Aroni
Paging Mister Preneur … Mister Andre Preneur
Paging Mister Cetera … Mister Ed Cetera
Paging Mr. Zapple … Mr. Adam Zapple
Paging Mr. Bino … Mr. Al Bino
Paging Miss Slapter … Miss Ida Slapter
Paging Miss Talia … Miss Jenna Talia
Paging Mr. Rafone … Mr. Mike Rafone
Paging Mr. Zark … Mr. Noah Zark
Paging Miss Yoki … Miss Carey Yoki
Paging Mr. Foolery … Mr. Tom Foolery
Paging Mr. Atric … Mr. Jerry Atric
Paging Mr. Duttank … Mr. Phillip Duttank
Paging Mr. Anoma … Mr. Mel Anoma
Paging Mister Jass … Mr. Hugh Jass
Paging Mr. Onella … Mr. Sam Onella
Paging Mr. Maphobe … Mr. Jer Maphobe
Paging Mr. Packa … Mr. Al Packa
Paging Mister Dente … Mister Al Dente
Paging Miss Conda … Miss Anna Conda
Paging Miss Sharalike … Miss Sharon Sharalike
Paging Miss Bellum … Miss Sarah Bellum
Paging Miss Mennopey … Miss
... keep reading on reddit ➡Chris Pine - Pine scented
Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented
Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented
Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented
JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented
Miley Cypress - Cypress scented
Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented
Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented
Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented
Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented
Bread Pitt - Bread scented
Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented
Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented
Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented
Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented
Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented
Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented
Banana Montana - Banana scented
Orange Winfrey - Orange scented
Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented
Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented
Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup o’ joe scented
Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented
Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented
Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented
Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented
Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented
Halle Berry - Mixed scented
Demi Tomato - Tomato scented
Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented
Mandy S’more - S’mores scented
Mackerel-more - Fish scented
Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented
WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented
Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented
John Lemon - Lemon scented
Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented
Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented
Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented
Adille - Dill scented
Kevin Spicy - Taco scented
Channing Potatum - Potato scented
Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented
Danny Burrito - Burrito scented
Michaelanjello - Red jello scented
Harry Panini - Panini scented
Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented
Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented
Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented
Mike Fryson - French fry scented
Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented
Raisin Williams - Raisin scented
Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented
Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented
Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented
Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented
Malt Whitman - Malt scented
(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the “I wonder what Chris Pine smells like?” joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. I’m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)
and today, we were playing a game of "Yes, Let's!" If you're unfamiliar, that's a group improv exercise where one person says "Let's do a thing!" and everybody else replies "Yes, let's!" and then proceeds to act out the scene. After acting out said scene, somebody freezes, then everybody freezes, and then someone else starts one.
In this case, it was "Let's go to a Michael Jackson tribute concert!" Now, we'd just been coached to assume distinct roles in an attempt to construct a coherent narrative, and so I, as an awkward, scrawny, blond white man, slipped effortlessly into the role of a shitty Michael Jackson impersonator. And I must have been doing something right, because the rest of the group quickly formed a scene as the audience, security, and crew, and stupidity ensued as I sucked at being Michael Jackson for all I was worth.
A few people started heckling, and then one of the audience members barged past security and mimed punching me in the head, whereupon I dramatically spun and dropped to the floor with a resounding THUD (knowing how to fall is a useful skill). The reaction was about a third laughs, a third stage-gasps, and a third just confusion. But I did get a few compliments after the exercise on my impression and my theatrics.
So I'd say that was a pretty big hit.
[Mom, dad, SO, I eating Chinese food before Billy Joel concert]
[Finishing up, dad notices bunch of fortune cookies left in the box to be thrown out]
Dad: "You gonna throw all these away?"
Mom: "...are you gonna eat all of them?"
Me: "No reason to throw them out, they're worth a fortune.........."
.......It sounded much better before I typed it all out, I hope it comes across as good as it did that night.
Jackson Browne's "Loadout/Stay" was on the radio.
My wife said, "Did he do this song when you saw him in concert?" I replied, "No, actually he didn't do any encore at all." She said, "If I went to a concert and they didn't do an encore, I'd leave."
She immediately started elbowing me in my ribs to make sure I got it. I laughed about it the whole drive home. I'm so proud of her.
I’ve been telling my #2 daughter dad jokes from this sub every day. She got me back this weekend.
As we were walking to the National Mall in D.C. for the Earth Day concerts on Saturday we noticed that the Smithsonian was having the National Math Festival.
She says – What do you do there? Solve math problems and eat Pi?
Dad: Wow, I remember I went to a concert here before...
Me: Here? You mean this canyon?
Dad: Yeah, back in the 80s, I saw the Rolling Stones here!
My dad and I were watching a live concert series on television, and eventually Fall out Boy came on.
"Who's that?"
"It's Fall Out Boy"
"How come I've never heard of them?"
"Well, they had a huge gap in between albums."
"Would you say they had a falling out?"
^^^Goddamitdad
Last weekend, a group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were waiting in line for a concert in the city. While we were standing around, my girlfriend excitedly started pointing at a hotel a few blocks away.
"Look at the top of that building! I think that's an indoor pool on the top floor!"
Because it was hard to tell and we were bored in line, a debate started about whether it not it was actually a pool, until I stated that it was obviously a bar.
"Why do you say that?"
"Because nice hotels like to set the bar high."
I've never been prouder to make a group of people groan.
My girlfriend and I were grilling out, listening to Pandora. The song Some Nights came on and she said, "Oh, I saw them in concert."
My response. "I bet that was Fun."
It took her a few seconds before she shot me an evil glare.
My editor in chief told me he couldn't go out to a concert the night before because his nephew had to have emergency gall bladder surgery.
My response: "Wow, the gall of him!"
His response: "Well, at least he had it removed now before it got any bladder."
My girlfriend and I went to a Glitch Mob concert a couple of days ago. When we walked into the venue, the smoke machines were already on, it was almost impossible to see the stage. Immediately I turn to her and say
"Man, I don't know if we'll remember this concert tomorrow morning."
"Why?"
"Our memory might be a little foggy."
I had to go look for her in the crowd.
So I'm concussed during my high-school rugby game, after which we head to the hospital. Important to mention that I was a member of my school's jazz band, and had a concert coming up. I get checked out by the doc, minor concussion. He's going over the stuff with my dad on what to watch out for (be careful with naps, no contact sports for a while etc.) and my dad asks if I'd be able to play the trumpet in next week's concert. The doc says he thinks it might not be the best idea. So my dad asks, will he at least be able to play the piano? Doc replies that yes, I'd be able to play the piano.
"That's great, he wasn't able play it before the concussion!"
Took a second for the doctor to realize what happened, after which he seemed to sigh with exhaustion and laughed.
My wife and I went to a concert today and someone in the audience started clapping before the music finished. It was a case of premature adulation.
parents are going to see an outdoor concert
Mom: Do you have your cooler packed?
Dad: (in bathroom) Yeah, I got my culo packed. [loud fart]
Brother: (Telling a story about how a kid threw his poop at his work (he works with kids with psychological disorders)) ...And so that's why there's that poo-stain.
Dad: I think I saw them in concert once, must have been '82.
Me (playing along): How were they?
Dad: They were really crappy...
My son played a orchestra concert at the local University xmas program, they had a reception afterwards with cookies and coffee, ect.
In line for the goodies, the older guy ahead of me and my wife turned around looking at us through the plastic see through plate and said:
"Clearly, this is a plate"
Yesterday I was doing Concert practice - fairly standard for a music student, play some songs (with a band), receive some constructive criticism, if there's time, play it again, see if it improved.
So after aforementioned criticism the band and I are about to play again when one of the singers points the mic at the speaker (accidentally) and painfully loud feedback assaults our ears.
In the following silence, I commented: "That's the least useful feedback we've had all day!"
...silence.
Then approximately forty people groaning in unison, which gave way to applause for my awful dadjoke.
So, we were having a family conversation when the topic of concerts came up. My aunt said the last one she had gone to was the Brooks & Dunn Farewell Tour. Dad chimes in with "I guess they were Dunn"
