I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
....and the second one Duplikate.
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
I was visiting my blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
She responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
I said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' she answered, “They're watch dogs'!
I like writing my name in cursive.
Someone: I like your name!
Me: Thanks, I got it for my birthday
I told my kids, "Did you know Albert Einstein had a brother that was an evil scientist who created a monster from body parts and his name was…"
I wanted to name my son Lance, but my wife said it was too uncommon.
I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.
My friend bet me money that I couldn’t name a Great Lake.
I am really fed up with all the president name jokes.
I will just avoid reddit until christmas.
They should have gotten old bi den.
I'm changing my name to Kanye
Because all I do is West my time.
I just learned the medical name for Viagra
Hello, my name is Richard, and I have a bad knee..
You can call me Limp Dick
I just found out that Bill Nye is just a stage name.
His real name is William New Year’s Eve.
Whenever my son has to make a picture for homework, I always make sure he signs his name last
Because Andrew is a lot shorter than Andrawing
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to dick,
Especially when his name is Steve.
I’d first like to make sure this thing is working. If your name is Michael, please stand up.
That concludes the mike check
I've finally given up on finding a name for my window coverings made from bug spray...
I call the search Off! It's curtains for that quest!
I've started giving things Arabic names for the fun of it.
I've been trying to come up with a clever name for an amputee support group.
My name is Lee and i have a son.
I've got this friend in Japan. Her name's Kim.
So Kim runs an undergarment and such clothing store, and I recently ordered myself some pyjamas. I fortunately she got the orders mixed up and sent me some type of dressing gown instead. All I could say was Kim,oh-no!
I know a Vietnamese couple who got married and decided to both hyphenate their last names
It was a Nguyen-Nguyen scenario
I stayed up all night trying to remember her name
I once saw two men quarreling because both claimed that his family name is Fuck and the other is lying. After seeing their IDs, I found out that only one man was telling the truth, the one with the first name What.
To be Frank, I'd have to change my name.
I'm definitely not kidding.
All the names are puns but I can’t for the life of me figure out what the Duke’s name is supposed to mean
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic
Hey guys, my name’s Chad. I’ve been sober for 47 days now.
Not in a row or anything. Just... total.
I was just asked about the name of the song written by Ida Corr and Fedde Le Grand
My wife is constantly changing her name, but gets mad at me when I call her the new name.
Sometimes it's hungry, sometimes it's tired, sometimes it's angry. Please help.
My friend and I where discussing how certain names will never enter certain cultures. He asked if there was ever a Korean Juan? I said no, but...
i need help for a name
I'm making a group chat for my friend that will basically be me sending weekly dad jokes
i need a good name for the group so they know i mean business
Since this is a “Nana” tree (common name for Juniperus Procumens Green Mountain Juniper bonsai), it was suggested I have a “ba”. Therefore, since the stock ticker for Boeing is BA, I bought a toy 787. That means there is now a “banana” on the counter.
I know what the Redskins new name will be.
The Possums. The play dead at home and get killed on the road.
I would name my son: “Another”
*School
Teacher: Who can solve this? Another?
Other than another?
*Adult
Friend showing his picture to his crush
- Do you love this man?
- I love another
Work 100%. Either “I don’t love another”.
*Funeral
- Hey, who’s die?
- Another, man.
- But who?
- Another.
- I know but who, god damn it.
"Dad, I don't remember that guy's name, what is it?"
Mr. E.!
(Came to me in a flash, totally whooshed my son unfortunately)
If my name was Travis, I would get a tee shirt and put my name across the chest.
My name is Jay and we are an Icelandish family. My wife and I could never come up with a name for our son.
There was a girl I work with named Novalee, and one day I asked her how her name was spelled.
She looked at me and said, “Guess.” I responded with, “Wow! That’s NOTHING like how it’s spelled!” And from that moment on I would only call her Guess.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
........and the second one DupliKate.
If I had twins I'd name the first one Bill
The second one is Doubill
I wanted to name our child Lance, but my wife said is was too uncommon
... I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.
I just found out that Bill Nye is just his stage name.
His real name is William New Years Eve.
I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
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