Text message conversation with my dad the other day, where I out-dadded him.
Dad: Give me your best knock knock joke. Or jokes. Do it when you can no rush.
Me: Does it have to be a knock knock joke or can it be any joke?
Dad: Knock Knock.
Me: Who’s there?
Went to visit my grandpa's final resting place and he left a message for me on his tombstone. I couldn't make out what it was.
It was a very cryptic message.
I sent a message to my crush
I was asked to put either an inspirational quote or a joke on the message board at work.
I got a warning message from a mod saying “my jokes are bringing to much religion and politics into this sub”
I replied saying “let the people in this sub decide, for christ sake”
I have been accused of writing a long series of messages about the song "I'm Too Sexy"
But I would like to reassure everyone that I did not write said thread.
Sweet revenge:) (also the edit is because I had to translate the message so sorry about that)
A friend sent me a text apologizing for the atrocious grammatical errors in his last message. I told him not to worry
My Dad comes into my room looking really worried, I ask him what was wrong and if there was anything I could do to help, He responds by saying "I lost the book which had all the photos and message from my friends"
Knowing a slam book could not be replaced I tried consoling him, but I remembered digitalized it for him a year ago I quickly logged on to the PC to check if I had a backup. He quickly smiled and said it had a Blue cover, after about 10mins of searching I asked him if he remembered what I named the book. He burst out and said Facebook.
Frustrated I left the room to find my entire family sitting in the hall, and my mother goes "He did it to you too, didn't he"
And I'm here perplexed by the lengths a dad would go for his jokes.
I created a Linux background process for the Message Analysis Test Tool.
I call it the MATT DAEMON!!!
I had concerned friends message me
If I get a message on my phone after midnight I always assume it's about disposable gloves
because it's a late-text (latex)
I got a new job monitoring someone’s twitter and Instagram messages
I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area,
Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.
My friends sometime ask me why I yell at them all the time over instant message about this amazing new business opportunity I’m involved in that I’m really excited about! They also ask me if maybe if shift key on my keyboard is broken.
But I reply “NO I AM A CAPITALIST”
I'm so stupidly proud of myself for this message that I don't even care if he responds to me.
Not a joke per se, but definitely fits - I texted my daughter "in a bottle" and then waited for her to ask "what's this I don't get it. How come out of the blue you just randomly send me the message 'in a...' ... I hate you"
Had potential to misfire but worked perfectly.
Also, the other day my wife left a Monster energy drink under her bed, and we waited for her to come and ask "ok who put this monster under my bed?"
I’m probably not gonna message either of these guys, but I’ll keep them here, y’know...
As a Dad and Grandpa, I approve this message.
I think the clock on my phone is broken, it's only displaying an error message.
Going down the highway today I saw a sign that said "test message"
How in the world do they expect me to have time to test it when I'm going past at 60 mph?
My 15 y.o. left a message. I had to reply.
Woke up to a message, on our family chalkboard, left by my 15 y.o. daughter.
"Mornings are no fun when you have to get up at six or earlier."
I replyed:
"That's why they call it mourning."
I can already hear her eyes rolling.
My dad's the kind that types messages with too many exclamations... I guess I got my hopes up with his new iPod.
Dad and I just had an exchange via text message
http://i.imgur.com/kfJW6La.png
I hate the warning message "for external use only" on antiseptic creams.
Yes yes I get it. You don't have to rub it in.
I got a message from Jason Tilapia
My friend works in a bird rehabilitation place. She put a video of her with an actual bird of prey in the gift shop on Instagram and said "Shopping is for the birds". So I sent her a message saying "I bet it's favorite store is Birdbath and beyond".
If only I could hear the groan through text message
My wife sent me a picture of our baby. This was the exchange that followed:
Me: Look at those cheeks! They are huge!
Her: It is the angle, I am sure. The camera adds 10 pounds.
Me: How many cameras are you using?!
Had to read my dad's text message twice before I realized he dad joked me
I dad joked my cousin on fb messenger... She hasn't replied since that last message...
http://imgur.com/6NGbMAy
My cousin: where's the punchline? XD
Me: Probably by the other drink lines
Her: what xD
Me: (fruit) Punch is a drink. I made a dad joke
Her: oh my lord
Me: yup.
Her: xD
Me: Also, you don't have to call me your lord
I need help writing airplane puns for a message on a dating site.
So the person's profile only talks about airplanes. I wanted to send a message totally jammed packed with airplane puns but I don't have that many. It's probably a fake profile but I still think it would be fun.
Here's what I have so far.
Hey Girl. Most of the girls on this website are so 'plane' but you're the exception.
I have a 'terminal' illness and hope to meet my copilot before I go.
Just kidding. My health is 'A oK47'. I was just 'play'n' around.
Just to let you know I have some baggage from some 'turbulence' in a previous relationship but Shirley I can get past it.
My previous relationship taught me that two wrongs don't make a right. However, two Wrights made an airplane.
I hope a new relationship can 'takeoff' with you though. I would be a great boyfriend. I have financial 'security' and could buy you anything you want with my 'visa'.
Have you seen the movie, "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles"? It's really good, except for the train and automobile parts.
I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area.
Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.
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