50% of the time, I am right all the time.
It’s only a matter of time.
I said, “it’ll be 0-0.”
He's got 2020 vision.
Just Kuwait and sea
It’s like I don’t have 2020 vision
He gets into a mean medium mode.
I sit on the toilet, strike the bell, and it goes, "Dung!"
they call me Nostrildamus
Doctor says I have 2020 vision.
"Panda: A large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China; eats shoots and leaves."
Since today Merriam Webster even has the word dad joke:
"a wholesome joke of the type said to be told by fathers with a punchline that is often an obvious or predictable pun or play on words and usually judged to be endearingly corny or unfunny"
https://imgur.com/gallery/pTcCJkd It turns out they all suck.
She said, “Yeah.”
I said, “I knew it!”
Her: Yes
Me: I knew it!
It’s a gift.
It's true
Like all beings, the cow was brought into being by the universe.
The cow was very curious about its existence and asked a lot of questions of the universe.
"what am I?" it asked.
"a cow" the universe relied.
"why am I here?" it asked
"to be a cow" the universe relied, and nudged a pile of hay nearby, trying to distract her from digging deeper into that question.
The universe has a lot on its plate, existentially speaking, and in the past its gotten a bit fed up with some of its creatures.
But after what happened to Adam and Eve, the universe learned to be more patient with inquisitive beings.
The success of cats is largely because they take responsibility for their own curiosity.
But the cow was a bit needier, seeking answers rather than exploration.
The universe hoped the smell from the hay would entice it to act rather than ask.
"What's that?" the cow asked.
"Hay" the universe sighed..."for eating," it added, hoping to keep the cow quiet for a while so the universe could focus on other things.
It worked for a while but as soon as the cow's 4 stomachs were full it started asking questions again.
And that's when the universe created a bull.
"And what is that?" she asked
"That's a bull" the universe replied and wiggled its existential eyebrows suggestively.
The cow headed over to the bull and chatted him up, leaving the universe in peace for a while.
The cow was content in until she started started noticing some changes in her body.
"what's this?" she asked, pointing to her swelling body.
"You're pregnant" it replied.
She got really curious about what that meant and became very hyper asking question after question about pregnancy and birth.
She remained excited throughout the gestation, asking questions to prepare for her for the birth.
But when the day came she relaxed, and stayed focused on the task at hand. And after she gave birth, she was exhausted!
Nevertheless, she pulled herself together, looked at the baby that she brought in to the world and, predictably, asked the universe:
"What's that?"
"A calf" the universe sighed, trying to accept the relentless inquisitiveness of the cow.
"Ohhhh!" she sighed, "that explains it!"
The universe blinked. It couldn't help itself.
"Explains what?" it asked.
"Why I'm so tired!"
The universe paused.
"it's because," the cow said, "I'm decalfinated".
And the universe took the power of speech away from the cow for eternity.
... ...
Edited
... keep reading on reddit ➡I wouldn't recommend it; it was pretty predictable.
"That's a sound prediction," I concurred.
Just keep predicting no meteors will hit the Earth. The first time you're wrong, everyone will be dead anyway.
But I don't have 2020 vision.
You guys really need to think outside the box
The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.
Without saying a word I squeeze my wife’s arm.
She rolls her eyes and says “I knew you were going to make a soft shoulder joke - you’re so predictable”
I said “Well, I wasn’t going to say anything but you have lost a bit of definition….”
Here it is: Prediction
Dad: What group was this guy in again?
Me: The Three Tenors.
Dad: Do you know how much they used to get paid?
Me: (Groan) How much?
Dad: Thirty quid.
predictable, as it was led by only a semi-conductor
Rüdoff was one of the best fighters in his village and a terrifying opponent on the battlefield. He would often return from battle, so drenched in his opponent's blood that he became known as "Rüdoff det røde", meaning "the red".
After years of wars, and regular battles, Rüdoff finally grew old, and decided that his fighting days were behind him. He became the best farmer that his village had ever known and people would travel from.far away to ask him about his crops and to predict the weather, as he was quite proficient at it.
One morning he wokeup, and looked out the window, the skys were clear and the sun was shining, but Rüdoff could feel the pressure in his old bones and battle scars
"It will Rain soon", he said to his wife while she made breakfast. She glanced outside and told him he was nuts, it was bright and sunny.
He simply hiked up his pants and reminded her:
Rüdoff The Red knows rain, dear.
He told his wife that it was going to rain soon. His wife, never hearing her husband predict the weather before asks, "How Rudolph, how do you know its going to rain soon?"
"Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
The plot was a bit predictable
And a little flat!
Had good Special f(x) though
She's going to be a great dad someday.
Edit: predicted text
Nobody could have predicted what was to come. Know one had 2020 vision
I would have predicted a trial period.
gee, commercials back then sure were good at predicting the future.
Predictable, disappointing and people only laugh out of pity.
What did members of the Politburo wear to keep cool in the summer?
A: Lenin suits
What did the Soviet General Secretary say when he slipped and fell on ice in front of the Kremlin?
A: That'll leave a Marx!
What did the Commissar say to the workers on the collective farm when they slacked off?
A: Stop Stalin and get to work!
What did the Chinese President say when he stubbed his toe?
A: Mao! That hurts!
An officer in the Iranian army is talking to a subordinate.
The officer says, "Private, I think it's gonna rain."
The private says, "You think so, sir? The sky is completely clear and the sun is shining."
20 minutes later it starts to rain, a total deluge ensues.
The private says, "That was an amazing prediction, sir!. It did rain!"
The officer looks at the private, pats him on the shoulder and says, "Private, Ayatollah you so."
The plot was predictable. The special f(x) was terrible.
The plot was predictable. The special f(x) was terrible.
The plot line was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.
