I was having a glass of wine with my wife after a long day and I heard her say "I love you so much and always look forward to being with you at the end of the day. I don't know what I'd do without you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" I asked. She replied "It's me...

...talking to the wine."

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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I love her so much
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlzzCn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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My wife loves her car, and I trust her driving, but she just has no chill.

That's why we take my car during the summer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/truejamo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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My daughter asked me for a recommendation for a good book. I told her I had the perfect book in my collection for her to read. It has drama, romance, betrayal, excitement, action, love, loss, heroes, villians, mystery and puzzles. Pretty much everything really. Excitedly she asked me for it.

I handed her the dictionary.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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A friend of mine asserts that she loves all animals. However, I did point out to her the distain she holds for large African water-dwelling mammals.

I just think she’s being a bit hippo critical.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yetanotherrob
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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My friend loves puns and I told her to come check out this page. She kept telling me she couldn’t find it....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdiddy1026
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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I asked the older woman at work what she is doing for Valentine’s Day and she said that she was taking her husband to the Cardiologist. That is true love. The heart wants what the heart wants. ❀️
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AggieatLSU
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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My daughter hates soup alphabet, but when I am feeding her, I am saying she loves it.

I guess I am putting words in her mouth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/woodybg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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My wife is always complaining she has been waiting for the day that i will love her 24/7

I just told her that day has finally come.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/g0dfarter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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My fiancΓ© just informed me that her lunch was phe-nomnomnom-enal. I love this woman.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KyronX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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My wife said she loves her new whiteboard I put up.

I told her "I think it's totally re-markable."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/levelologist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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I’d love my wife even if she didn’t condition her hair

I love her unconditionally

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Primuth
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
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My daughter told me she loves her new bed. I told her "Why don't you marry it?"

Now she won't stop wedding it. I hope plastic sheets are in the registry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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My girlfriend keeps responding to me saying I love her by saying "no, I love Eumore!"

Who the FUCK is Eumore?! It's driving us apart.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2015
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She told me I had to choose between her or my love of abusing infrastructure.

I hit the road right then and there.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
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Got the wife her response is why I love her.

So we were talking about plants and I randomly come up with:

If you stab a vampire with a cactus doesn't that make it a succulent steak?

She groans and can't help but giggle as she literally face palms, but complains none the less "I thought you loved me!". I laugh even harder. "You're proud of that aren't you, why you are so proud of that? When you shit in your hand and throw it at strangers that is nothing to be proud of".

Tell you fellers she's a keeper :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kactusotp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
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My girlfriend is tired of my my architectural puns, and made me choose between my jokes or her. As much as I love my puns...

... I cantilever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustHach
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2015
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