My daughter just got me good… I said, “Did you know you can always see your own nose and your brain just ignores it?”
She said “yeah because it NOSE it’s there”
I went to see a doctor about my hearing problem. They said “Can you describe the symptoms?”
I said “Homer is a fat guy and Marge has blue hair!”
Hey Alexa, can you check my bank account and see what Apple product I can afford to buy...."
I got into an argument with someone I thought was a "birds aren't real" supporter. I'm an idiot; they were just messing with me and they made some amazing bird puns along the way that deserve attention. The link to the post is in the comments so you can go give the user karma and see the context.
https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=36f1f13bf011b50649778d6491393c69176ef440
I guess you can see he has a lot of horsepower
"OMG, what's going on? I can see through you."
"My son told me he is transgender."
"So?"
"That makes me transparent."
“Hey, how come I can see right through you?”
“My son came out as Transgender today, so that makes me Transparent.”
Me: What did you do at work today? Dad: Just did some shitty design. Me: Can I see it? Dad:
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...
I bet you can see right through this joke.
I wanted to wear my ballroom pants, but the wife said they were unseemly! “What’s wrong,” I asked, cheekily. “Are you mad, because, clearly, I can see your nuts.” “Just a little testy, I guess.”
My wife and I went to see a psychiatrist. "What can I do for you?" he asked. "Our son has got an imaginary friend." said my wife.
"There is nothing wrong with a good healthy imagination to help a child to develop and this is very common and nothing to worry about at all." said the psychiatrist.
I grimaced, "We haven't got a son."
Dad, you have to talk normal and stop speaking in single letters. Can’t you see I’m going crazy?!
You want to see how fast I can destroy something?
I can give you a quick demo.
What is the only other situation in which you can say, “I see the sea!”, besides actually looking at the sea?
[At the delivery room] Me: You’re doing great, honey! Keep pushing! I can see a head!
Nurse: Sir, I think you are on the wrong end.
I'm so pissed off I can barely see straight! I had an argument with this fucking mute and you know what he said to me?
Me: I don’t think I can make it in today. I can’t see. Boss:What? You can’t see? Me: yeah, I can’t see myself coming into work
Just want you to know... I can see that you've been under a lot of pressure for a while now. But you are a rock, and I don't take you for granite.
Friend: I have a crack on my phone, but if you put on the case you can’t see it at all.
Me: If that’s the case, it’s like there’s no crack at all.
(This is an actual exchange)
“Hey Alexa, can you check my bank account and see what Apple product I can afford to buy...."
I can see right through you!
My son told me he's transgender, so that makes me transparent!
"What's going on? I can see right through you!" "My son told me he's transgender..."
"...so that makes me
transPARENT."
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