I've had M.C. Hammer music in my head so much today that's it's giving me a headache. I took 2 Tylenol, but....
This popped in my head a few days ago. Why did the baker freak out after his latest project?
Because what he made was stolen!
In these challenging times, I worry about the virus and keeping a roof over my head.
So I went and got the shingles vaccine.
My friend got a role as an extra in a film. His job was to approach the lead actor and comb her hair away from the middle of her head...
Screwing in some camera mounts and I dropped my drill, it came so close to hitting my daughter in the head...
Good thing it was only a drill!
It was funnier in my head
I got an A on my origami assignment when I turned my paper into my teacher
Still scratching my head in confusion, trying to understand why was I thrown out of the interview room???
My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness"
All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"
Do you know there’s a flagpole which is 171m tall in Saudi Arabia? I can’t wrap my head around it.
I mean seriously, my arms are not long enough. Let alone my head.
I was walking in a parking lot and tripped. I hit my head on a car.
This sounded punny in my head.
So I was thinking...
This is a coat hanger:
https://preview.redd.it/s5njbr4y05z41.jpg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6030cd17759f66dc358567becc1d4a0b07e0e260
Technically, isn't this also a coat hangar:
https://preview.redd.it/yayo0qhz05z41.jpg?width=290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d5e400ba116c6179153c3c93618094c9c1ffd89c
Which would make this a hanger hangar:
https://preview.redd.it/o9sl37b015z41.jpg?width=400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2796f454c9ebfe2577066cf30da799affa959d4f
When my mom was in labor, my head got stuck in her, and the midwife had to pull me out.
That’s how excited I was to see my little brother.
I can’t bake a pun that’ll crack you up because they’re all scrambled in my head
While redoing the hardwood my wife thought it would be a good idea to toss me a plank. It hit me in the head.
My chemistry teacher covered me head to toe in sodium chloride after I flunked my test...
I've never been more ensalted in my life
I once got severe pain in my head from inhaling too much of steam.
My daughter was singing “Once I was eleven years old...” and got it stuck in my head.
A few minutes later, I belted out “Once I was eleven sixteen...”
“Dad, that doesn’t make any sense.”
... 🤔 ...
“I’m a clock.”
You probably had to be there.
I threw a fake plastic turd at my wife's head while she was in the shower.
Maybe now she'll stop complaining that she's out of sham poo.
Song pops in my head every time, thought I'd make a meme out of it.
My daughter is the only person left in my entire family tree who has a head of curls.
She's the last hair bender.
Guys help I have so many door puns in my head
I didn’t know what to think walking into the kitchen last night to find my wife draped in lasagna and pouring piping hot soup over her head. “I’m just putting the dinner on”, she quipped. How we laughed on the way to the burns unit.
My friend claims he's great at insulting people in his head.
I think he's mentally diss-abled.
This sounded better in my head but it's still pretty good. :)
In the summer, I put some Venetian blinds on my head.
This made me bro my head back in laughter.
Bro 1: Anything happen while i was gone?
Bro 2: (who thinks he can speak spanish) nada thing.
When I used to be a wrestler, I would get a guy in a head lock and write my name on their forehead.
It was my signature move.
So I found this talking train and asked it why it just went back and forth on the same tracks for its whole life. It responded saying “the voices in my head tell me to”.
I've got "a lion sleeps tonight" stuck in my head.
I'm just a wimb-a-way from singing it.
I slipped in the shower this morning and almost cracked my head.
At least it would have been a clean death.
Department Head in my office: The new printer is making funny noises.
Me (Tech Support): Did you laugh?
My math teacher asked me to find the absolute value of 3512 - 6517sqrt(3) in my head.
My wife is having a bad headache and I said to her "It's all in your head honey"
My kids and I watched The Lion King yesterday and now I’ve got ‘The Circle of Life’ stuck in my head.
It’s just keeps going round and round. It’s the truth, I’m not lion!
I've done a lot of leisurely travel in my life so far, but the closest I'll ever be to jet setting is probably on my shower head.
This popped in my head, I had to make.
I'm sitting in traffic with my dad today when he scoffs, shakes his head, throws up his hand and says "look at THIS clown over here!"
I look over and there is literally a dude in full clown make-up driving a vw bettle next to us. Pop maintained a straight face through the whole thing.
When my boyfriend said this I played it back over in my head a thousand times wishing I had come up with it
::watching Bruce Lee documentary::
"....when we were young, Bruce was scrawny but constantly picking fight that he would always lose..."
Boyfriend: yea, we a, we called him Bruised Lee
When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream, and put a cherry on my head.
Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.
First Dad Joke today- I stuck a beer cap to my head and said I was a magnet. My boys contested that I, in fact, am not a magnet. I said are you sure...
My daughter was wearing head phones and plugged the jack in to one of the holes in my belt...
...We were walking through the lounge room with the cord still plugged in to my belt and I said to my wife, "Hey baby! Look at me! I'm a walk-man!"
I heard "Zombie" played 6 times today and now it's in my head...
In maaaaaa heeeeaaad, in my heeeaaaaaaddd, zombie, zombie...
In drivers ed my teacher raised his arm above his head, and in his hand was a thumb tack.
He asks the class, "what does this mean", while still holding the thumb tack above his head. We sit there puzzled for a moment until he says "It means I'm under a tack."
So I almost hit my wife in the head with an ironing board
When she freaked out I looked her dead in the eyes and said, "We'll that would have been ironic" before running away cackling.
I think she might kick me out
I can’t bake a good pun that will crack you up, they’re all just scrambled in my head
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