I wanted to name my son Lance, but my wife said it was too uncommon.
I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.
I too am supportive of farmers
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
My wife, who's eight months pregnant, asked me if I worry that it's been too hot recently for our baby inside her. I reassured her...
“Nah, it’s probably womb temperature!"
Had too many drinks at the pub last night, so the lads suggested I leave the car there and take the bus home.
Turns out I was in no fit state to drive it home either.
I got fired from my job as a sports writer, they said all my articles were too short
I guess a pitcher is worth a thousand words.
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high
I got kicked out of the library for being too noisy
I tried to explain to them that I was just reading a book but the librarian said there's no reading aloud.
I was told I second guess myself too much..
I said to my wife “I hate to tell you this babe, but your bathing suit is too revealing and tight”
She said “then wear your own one then”
I liked this a little too much, had to steel it.
My wife says I change subjects too often when I'm talking to people.
I'm glad it rained today so I don't need to water the lawn. Anyone else feel like pizza for dinner?
I saw my ex girlfriend standing on the opposite side of the museum hall, and I was too self conscious to say hello.
There was so much history between us.
I want to beat him up too
I don't want to get too complicated saying this joke
So all I'll do is complain
People keep talking about eating clocks here, so I decided to eat one too while I was in line at the DMV.
Sure enough, my weight went up by several minutes.
I laughed it little too hard
I wonder if he ate the wrapper too
I saw a reddit post about someone having too many Dracula figurines
I knew my brother had the same problem, but the reddit account wasn't his. I told him about it and he said it was his post, so I asked "Throw away account?" He said "Yeah, good idea, I didn't think about that"
When my wife complained I was taking too long to paint the living room I told her she was worse than the warden in Shawshank.
She said “well just paint it, Red”.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
I told my son that he is too young to get a girlfriend...
So he got a boyfriend instead
I got pulled over while driving because I was weaving too much.
I told the cop it’s my first time knitting, so I’m pretty slow at it.
When I first got my haircut I thought it was too short
I ate too many rowing paddles
I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts
Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think
I was out in the desert on psychedelics , and I started tripping way too hard. So I took an acid reducer.
It didn't help me one bit!!!!
I was prescribed medication but I couldn't take it. It was too hard to get the lid off. You might have heard of it...
Her: I’m done with you. You are way too old to be obsessed with being a tennis umpire!
Me: I’m only forty, love.
My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns.
Well, toucan play that game.
I want the normal one too! (Op u/ItsSrikerOMG)
Not my joke but I love this too much not to share
Shout out to anyone who doesn't know what the opposite of in is
It's tough to admit that I'm using too much weight on my bench press.
I'm having a hard time getting this off my chest.
I told my daughter she was drawing her eyebrows too high
I gain too much weight around the holidays
I need to stop eating cold turkey
I'll try to cell this one too you...
What did the cell say to it's sibling when she stepped on his toe?
My toe sis...
I trimmed my beard too short.
I wasn’t sure about how It looked but it grew on me!
I'm offended too
What did the fence say when someone said something mean about him?
"That's offensive"
I keep sending my information to the bank but they claim it’s too crooked to read.
They need to get their fax straight.
I made the decision to not date the girl with skin lesions on her face too hastily...
My friend knits portraits of famous people. I told her the eyebrows are too high ...
I wasn’t too excited when I caught on fire.
I visited the doctor today and he told me my sugar was too high.
So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.
I was always bothered with the spelling of 'Wii' in Nintendo Wii. It felt like they were trying too hard to be cool and hip by spelling 'We' with two ii's. I don't know why but it just makes me cringe when corporations try to be edgy and relatable.
As for the console, it was aiight.
I don’t know why, but there’s just something about a duck sitting on the roof of a house that makes me mad and makes me laugh, too
This morning there were two, I was quite conflicted. it was a real paradux.
My daughter asked me why I don't tell any dad jokes. I said they were too dull...
Last St. Patrick's Day I went out drinking, had a bit too much so I took a bus home.
That may be no big deal to you, but I'd never driven a bus before.
My friends tell me that sometimes I can be too talkative. They think I make a lot of unnecessary comments
I just squeezed the shampoo bottle a little too hard
Head and Shoulders on my knees and toes, knees and toes
Some people say I'm too vague
But you know how the saying goes.
Some say my soup is too thick and I'm too pessimistic
I just don't put a lot of stock in soup.
I once got severe pain in my head from inhaling too much of steam.
I don't let my kids go online. There's too many PDF files on there!
I got sick from taking too many supplements for my anemia.
I don't really like the rodeo. It's too fast-paced for me.
Murray Christmas Everyone!!! (Side note- I don't take credit for this, but it's too great not to share)
The Wife is leaving me, says I'm way too obsessed with Astronomy...
...I mean, what planet is She on !!
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when I got it there was too much milk and not enough coffee
Better latte than never I suppose
Either I'm too tired or I'm just stupid, but can someone explain this pun to me because I don't get it.
My daughter keeps complaining that I'm too nosy
Or at least that's what I read in her diary
I tried zesting a lemon for my recipe, but I cut too deep...
I got a new sweater for Christmas, but it was picking up too much static electricity
I returned it for a new one, free of charge
I got my hair cut last week. I thought it was too short at the time...
... But now it's growing on me.
I'm not too sure about this Australian Prime Minister
I had $1,000 extra in my pay last month, this month I was $1,000 short. When I reported it to payroll they asked me why I didn't say anything when I got paid too much.
I told them, I'll tolerate one mistake but not two.
I wasn’t too sure how comfortable my new couch would be.
I can't tell if my tea is too strong or too expensive
I don’t know too much about brooms,
I guess I should brush up on my knowledge.
I took a bite of a jalapeno that was much too spicy for me
Some might say I was in - hella-pain-yo
I imagine pteranodons enjoyed getting stuffed on holidays too ;)
While I was grilling, my son asked "can I get pickles on my burger, If it's not too much to ask?"
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high....
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high
I told my wife she painted her eyebrows too high.
While visiting the museum, I saw my ex girlfriend standing across the hall, but I was too self conscious to say hello.
There was just too much history between us.
Today I told my girlfriend her eyebrows were drawn too high
At first, I thought my haircut was too short.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high...
I told my wife she was drawing her eyeliner too high
I saw my ex girlfriend across the museum hall, but I felt too self conscious to go say hello.
There was just too much history between us.
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too High
1 pun was hidden from this page.
Show all.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
