A lumberjack walks into an enchanted forest. As he goes to chop down a tree, it calls out. "Wait, don't chop me down. I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack smiles. "And you will dialogue."

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReaperWright88
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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A man was chopping down a tree but was surprised when the tree suddenly exclaimed, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

then he responded, "And you will dialogue!"

πŸ‘︎ 152
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chopinsbach
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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A lumberjack was out cutting down trees in the forest one day. He went to swing his axe and the tree screamed "WAIT! I'M A TALKING TREE!!!!"

The lumberjack looked up at the tree and paused saying "well, you may be a talking tree, but I'll see that you die a log!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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I ran into Luke Combs today and I was talking to him about when I caught a 10 lb bass. He said I’m kinda in a hurry, nice to meet you tho.

So I told him it might not mean much to you but it does to me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheProtecter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I’m not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks.

It helps me speak boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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My wife says I change subjects too often when I'm talking to people.

I'm glad it rained today so I don't need to water the lawn. Anyone else feel like pizza for dinner?

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/testmonkeyalpha
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, β€œWait! I’m a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned and said: β€œAnd you will dialogue.”

πŸ‘︎ 845
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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A lumberjack went into a magic forest to gather wood. As he found the perfect tree to cut down, he began sharpening his axe, and the tree exclaimed, β€œNO! Don’t chop me down! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack responded, β€œAnd you will dialogue.”

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/articElite0
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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I've been saying mucho a lot more when I'm talking to my Spanish friends.

It means a lot to them.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garcobbler
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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Everyone keeps talking about some dude named Les who is really sad and I’m hoping to meet him soon and cheer him up.

Then he will be.......Les Miserable.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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I’m talking with my sister in law about the fruit salad she made (my best quick response I’ve ever had)

Last family picnic my sister in law made a really good fruit salad. I was talking with her an my spouse’s aunt about it. SIL was saying how she’d gotten a mini pineapple and mini watermelon for the salad.

The aunt asks β€œwhere’s you get all these mini fruit”

Without skipping a beat I reply β€œthe minimart!”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coldovia
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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Today while at work some coworkers were talking about the mushrooms they started cooking. I exclaimed β€œI like to think I’m a mushroom” they looked puzzled so I clarified β€œI like to think I’m a fun guy”
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dannyboy6657
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
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Girlfriend accepts that I'm always right and we were talking about future kids

Me: "I dunno how I'll feel about it"

Her: "Whatcha mean?"

Me: "I'm not sure how I'll feel about kids who will only be half right"

Her: "..."

Me: "But it's okay I guess because they'll be half left too"

Her: "Oh my goodness"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aztechunter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2015
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A couple of fruits were talking, one said β€œLet’s run away and get married!” The other said β€œI’m sorry...”

β€œ... I cantaloupe”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/foflexity
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
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A breadmakers business goes under and he loses everything. He's talking to his friend about his struggle when his friend says "I'm amazed your wife hasn't left you during all of this!"

The breadmaker replies "Yeah she truly is a rye or die kinda gal!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuestionSleep
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
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This Christmas, we were talking about older puns and I said: You can’t say I’m single..

because I HAVE dated references.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepicklebarrel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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The Great Dad Joke: So Moses is talking to God and he's all like "I don't know what to call you, I'm confused" and God is like "Hi confused, I AM".
πŸ‘︎ 118
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2016
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I'm talking to a potential romantic partner, when she pulls out these doozies...

What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.

Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the Fresh Prince.

I'm not sure, but something tells me she's a keeper, guys.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gotdamngotaboldck
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2014
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I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.

I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2017
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Me, to my mom: "So, I'm talking to this girl..."

Mom: "I know, I'm sitting right here."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jchazu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2014
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I'm at Uni so I'm on the phone talking to my dad about my new module choices, and everytime without fail the conversation will go like this.

Dad: So how's university? Still enjoying it?

Me: Oh yeah, last term was good but my new modules are grea-

Dad: Lunar modules?

Me: ...

It's not the sharpest of dad jokes, but my god if his persistence is certainly dad joke worthy. It's been going three years now.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChocoMcShreddy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
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Tree before it gets cut down: wait! I'm a talking tree!

Lumberjack: and you will dialogue

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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I'm about to chop this talking tree

It will dialogue

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eyooji
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Tree: wait I’m a talking tree!!

Lumberjack: yes, and you will dialogue

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealChai1554
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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A lumberjack was about to cut off a tree when it suddenly said "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack then said: "And you will dialogue."

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/detharos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Tree: "Please don't chop me down, i'm a talking tree!."

Lumberjack: "Well, I guess you will dialogue."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ciaransheridan_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, β€œWait! I’m a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, β€œAnd you will dialogue!"

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack walks into an enchanted forest. As he goes to chop down a tree, it calls out. "Wait, don't chop me down. I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack smiles. "And you will dialogue."

πŸ‘︎ 284
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/silentknight1991
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut down a tree upon arrival he started cutting down trees until one tree shouted wait I'm a talking tree

Which he responded and you will dialogue!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xavierestes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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