A lumberjack walks into an enchanted forest. As he goes to chop down a tree, it calls out. "Wait, don't chop me down. I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack smiles. "And you will dialogue."
π︎ 33
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︎ Oct 14 2020
A man was chopping down a tree but was surprised when the tree suddenly exclaimed, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
then he responded, "And you will dialogue!"
π︎ 152
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︎ Aug 13 2020
A lumberjack was out cutting down trees in the forest one day. He went to swing his axe and the tree screamed "WAIT! I'M A TALKING TREE!!!!"
The lumberjack looked up at the tree and paused saying "well, you may be a talking tree, but I'll see that you die a log!"
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︎ Aug 25 2020
I ran into Luke Combs today and I was talking to him about when I caught a 10 lb bass. He said Iβm kinda in a hurry, nice to meet you tho.
So I told him it might not mean much to you but it does to me.
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︎ Sep 04 2020
Iβm not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks.
It helps me speak boulder.
π︎ 38
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︎ Jul 07 2020
My wife says I change subjects too often when I'm talking to people.
I'm glad it rained today so I don't need to water the lawn. Anyone else feel like pizza for dinner?
π︎ 14
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︎ Jul 20 2020
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, βWait! Iβm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack grinned and said: βAnd you will dialogue.β
π︎ 845
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︎ Dec 16 2019
A lumberjack went into a magic forest to gather wood. As he found the perfect tree to cut down, he began sharpening his axe, and the tree exclaimed, βNO! Donβt chop me down! Iβm a talking tree!β
The lumberjack responded, βAnd you will dialogue.β
π︎ 19
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︎ May 16 2020
I've been saying mucho a lot more when I'm talking to my Spanish friends.
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 28 2019
Everyone keeps talking about some dude named Les who is really sad and Iβm hoping to meet him soon and cheer him up.
Then he will be.......Les Miserable.
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︎ Jul 07 2019
Iβm talking with my sister in law about the fruit salad she made (my best quick response Iβve ever had)
Last family picnic my sister in law made a really good fruit salad. I was talking with her an my spouseβs aunt about it. SIL was saying how sheβd gotten a mini pineapple and mini watermelon for the salad.
The aunt asks βwhereβs you get all these mini fruitβ
Without skipping a beat I reply βthe minimart!β
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 17 2019
Today while at work some coworkers were talking about the mushrooms they started cooking. I exclaimed βI like to think Iβm a mushroomβ they looked puzzled so I clarified βI like to think Iβm a fun guyβ
π︎ 3
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︎ Feb 23 2019
Girlfriend accepts that I'm always right and we were talking about future kids
Me: "I dunno how I'll feel about it"
Her: "Whatcha mean?"
Me: "I'm not sure how I'll feel about kids who will only be half right"
Her: "..."
Me: "But it's okay I guess because they'll be half left too"
Her: "Oh my goodness"
π︎ 2k
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︎ Nov 23 2015
A couple of fruits were talking, one said βLetβs run away and get married!β The other said βIβm sorry...β
π︎ 13
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︎ Nov 27 2017
A breadmakers business goes under and he loses everything. He's talking to his friend about his struggle when his friend says "I'm amazed your wife hasn't left you during all of this!"
The breadmaker replies "Yeah she truly is a rye or die kinda gal!"
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 21 2019
This Christmas, we were talking about older puns and I said: You canβt say Iβm single..
because I HAVE dated references.
π︎ 8
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︎ Dec 25 2018
The Great Dad Joke: So Moses is talking to God and he's all like "I don't know what to call you, I'm confused" and God is like "Hi confused, I AM".
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︎ Sep 20 2016
I'm talking to a potential romantic partner, when she pulls out these doozies...
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale.
Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
All the fans left.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Follow the Fresh Prince.
I'm not sure, but something tells me she's a keeper, guys.
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︎ Sep 19 2014
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
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︎ Feb 11 2017
Me, to my mom: "So, I'm talking to this girl..."
Mom: "I know, I'm sitting right here."
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 09 2014
I'm at Uni so I'm on the phone talking to my dad about my new module choices, and everytime without fail the conversation will go like this.
Dad: So how's university? Still enjoying it?
Me: Oh yeah, last term was good but my new modules are grea-
Dad: Lunar modules?
Me: ...
It's not the sharpest of dad jokes, but my god if his persistence is certainly dad joke worthy. It's been going three years now.
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 26 2014
Tree before it gets cut down: wait! I'm a talking tree!
Lumberjack: and you will dialogue
π︎ 112
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︎ Aug 21 2020
I'm about to chop this talking tree
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 14 2020
Tree: wait Iβm a talking tree!!
Lumberjack: yes, and you will dialogue
π︎ 22
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︎ Aug 30 2020
A lumberjack was about to cut off a tree when it suddenly said "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack then said: "And you will dialogue."
π︎ 41
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︎ Aug 26 2020
Tree: "Please don't chop me down, i'm a talking tree!."
Lumberjack: "Well, I guess you will dialogue."
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 30 2020
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, βWait! Iβm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack grinned, βAnd you will dialogue!"
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jun 09 2018
A lumberjack walks into an enchanted forest. As he goes to chop down a tree, it calls out. "Wait, don't chop me down. I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack smiles. "And you will dialogue."
π︎ 284
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︎ Jun 20 2019
A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut down a tree upon arrival he started cutting down trees until one tree shouted wait I'm a talking tree
Which he responded and you will dialogue!
π︎ 11
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︎ Feb 02 2019
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