The punanimous Declaration of the thirteen United States of Pun-merica, When in the Course of human pun-ventures, it becomes necessary for one people to loosen the comical bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the wits of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Yaws of Pun-Nature and of Nature's Pun entitle them, a decent respect to the punchlines of mankind requires that they should declare the pun-riddled causes which propel them to the separation.
We hold these puns to be self-evident, that all wordplay is created equal, that they are endowed by their Pun-ator with certain un-pun-able Rights, among these are Life, Linguistic-erty and the pursuit of Puntasticness.--That to secure these rights, Pun-ernments are playfully instituted among Puns, deriving their just laughter from the consent of the amused, --That whenever any Form of Pun-ernment becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Write of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to pull out new Wordmanship, laying its fun-dation on such punster principles and organizing its powers in such playful form as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Laugh-ety and Happiness. Prun-dence, indeed, will dictate that Pun-ernments long established should not be changed for pun-light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while pun-evils are sufferable, than to set-write themselves by abolishing the language forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long laugh-track of abuses and usurp-puns, pursuing invariably the same Pun-jectives evince a design to reduce them under absolute Pun-potism, it is their right, it is their pun-ty, to chuckle off such Word-rule, and to provide new Punderful Guards for their pun-ture posterity.--Such has been the pun-ient sufferance of these Pun-olonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Punnery. The history of the present Pun-King of Great Pun-Ain is a history of repeated punchlines and usurp-puns, all having in jest the establishment of an absolute Pun-ranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be fun-bmitted to a candid whirl of wordplay.
...a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
He was the centaur for disease control.
A handful
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Crows just had to drink at home
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors today while the rest are here posting jokes on reddit.
That's a shame, where are they going to find someone of your calibre?
About 7 billion Terra-bytes
it put itself in charge
The hippocampus.
Thrown out of the aquarium
One part in particular is quite humerus.
Don’t worry, Police are combing the area.
The results speak for themselves
Hook line and sphincter
The Habitat for Humanity.
I was a human cannonball until they fired me.
Distracula.
He says they can’t find anyone of my caliber.
Your fingers. You can always count on them.
They used gorilla tactics
Da feet!
Anthro(a)pology
It’s a cod complex
Sometimes I believe I am a superhero haddock in a popular New England tourist destination
It’s a cape cod complex
The game would likely be cancelled
They both produce logs.
You have to worry about getting fired every day.
Or if they were B9.
Prankenstein.
Your pupils--they dilate.
They carry the one.
It's been a bit over-bering so far.
It really makes you think, doesn't it?
They fired me after 3 days.
I went ballistic.
I want to know what love is.
Me, “on the grill, please”
Me: "I love that stuff, I drink so much of it the dentist says I have a river of it in my mouth"
My kid: "Really?"
Me: "Yep! I mean, she called it a root canal but it's basically the same thing"
In fact humans very rarely eat monkeys.
I mean, what was the last time you saw a human eat a monkey
But I got fired.
...I was fired.
The results speak for themselves.
