Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
The greatest baseball player ever was a guy named Hugh McBealy, and he was most famous for every single time he came to the plate knocking the ball high over right field and into the stands.

He scored a home run every single at bat, and always the exact same way. Way over right field, too high for anyone to reach, and it always landed in exactly the 17th row of the stands, give or take a couple feet.

He earned the nickname β€œthe machine” for how consistently he hit the exact same spot every time. Right field, 17th row, every single time. He did this for 20 years before he retired. Tickets to the 2-3 seats that the ball always landed on sold for over $2k a pop by the time he retired because you were guaranteed at least a couple home run balls.

And the day he retired a reporter asked him β€œHow does it feel to be retiring as the greatest hitter of all time?”

Hugh just looked at the reporter puzzled. β€œWhat do you mean?” He said.

The reporter clarified β€œliterally over 5,000 times you went to the plate and hit a home run to right field, 17th row of the stands!”

Hugh looked dejected and disappointed β€œyeah, my greatest failure...”

β€œWhat do you mean?” Said the reporter incredulously.

Hugh let’s out a long sigh, and looked down at the ground quietly for a moment before finally speaking.

β€œI’ve been aiming left this whole time”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frnklfrwsr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Baby Yoda say the first time he watched The Mandalorian on a high-def screen?

Not HDMI, because Baby Yoda can't speak.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I own a fake town which is actually a horror theme park and I only let a few people in at a time to keep demand and prices high.

It's called artificial scare-city

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomBaiRaise
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad jokes are at all all-time high during quarantine times

Analysts say it's the worst pundemic ever recorded in modern history.

πŸ‘︎ 258
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pikindaguy
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I spent a long time searching for high intensity workout gear.

I must have bought the right clothes, even my tracksuit pants.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
By the time my brother got out of the 4th grade, we all knew what he was gonna be when he left high school

32

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrChiggs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
When Danny Zuko looks back at his time in high school ...

Do you think he is sandymental ?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_ME_UR_WOTS_M8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I dated two girls at the same time in high school.

Kate and Edith. They both found out pretty quick... taught me a good lesson... You can’t have your Kate and Edith too.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/USAneedsAJohnson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Alright....time for a classic. The Ceo of Datsun was talking to his other high ranking workers when it had just been founded and said, you have 2 days to come up with a name for our company

The workers in a thick Japanese accent said DAT SOON

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BF1gamerz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Korean high school girl who flights crime in spare time?

Kimchi Possible, obviously

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArthurRanpo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS: People are now smoking marijuana in record numbers, reaching an all time high.
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeepguy797
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Time for high tea
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManaSora
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Why is high noon the nicest time of day?

Because during that time nobody throws shade!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/franklinbrown
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2016
🚨︎ report
EVERY TIME I had engineering homework in high school...

Me: Got some engineering stuff to do.. Dad: (FAR TOO ENTHUSIASTICALLY) I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU LIKED TRAINS!!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/histpres
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2013
🚨︎ report
Son, I gotta tell ya, I've done some deep thinking and I've realized it's high time I quit my job and finally pursue my dream. I'm going to open a museum that commemorates the extensive and fascinating history of beverages.

I'm calling it The Gluggenheim

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wstopak
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
🚨︎ report
My Dad every time i introduced him to a date in high school
  1. I don't know what you were talking about, she's not ugly at all
  2. She doesn't sweat much for a big girl
  3. You said she was fat, she's is not fat at all
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uwillb
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from my high school keep flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all my embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Now that is 2017 it's high time that I said this.

This.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timotab
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
🚨︎ report

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