To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
"I love you from my heart to-ma-toes"
I would like to see a heart attack
COVID-19 can cause damage to the brain, heart, and lungs.
Luckily for Trump, he just needs to worry about lung damage.
You want to know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I put original copies of "The Fall of the House of Usher", "The Murders in the Rue Morgue", "The Pit and the Pendulum" and "The Tell-Tale Heart" on credit hoping to pay them off slowly. Unfortunately, I couldn't make all payments...
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
My horoscope told me I was going to be heart broken in 12 years
So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up
A sailor wrote a book about how to win a woman’s heart
It’s called “The Art of Seaduction”
My dad had a failing heart and refused to get surgery.
But in the end, he had a change of heart.
Her: Be mean to me. [heart eyes emoji] Him: You're average.
When’s the worst time to have a heart attack?
During a game of cherades
After the pilot had a sudden heart attack, an air traffic controller had to coach a passenger in landing a cargo jet full of various cuts of select Kobe beef
The steaks had never been higher
My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man's heart was through his stomach,
which is why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon.
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon
Poor woman’s heart is going to break.
My wife always says the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach…
Lovely woman.
Useless surgeon.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital...
... he was on a fairway to heaven.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
It was a lovely movie and I had a hot date, so I asked her to whisper something in my ear that would make my heart beat faster. She gave me this sly little smile and then she replied,
"Don't look now, but your wife is sitting right behind us."
I asked the older woman at work what she is doing for Valentine’s Day and she said that she was taking her husband to the Cardiologist. That is true love. The heart wants what the heart wants. ❤️
My doctor told me I had to avoid intense activities due to my heart condition.
Now I have to quit my job at the circus and cancel my camping trip.
Husband: "I think I'm having a heart attack." Wife: "Ok darling, give me your password to your phone and I'll call an ambulance."
Husband: "Never mind. I'm feeling better!"
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart
Well wasnt that an unfortunate mis-stake
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I want to thank my dad with all my heart.
If it wasnt for him, I wouldn't be here now
An older man took his wife to the hospital, fearing a heart attack
The man waits for a while and the doctor comes out to tell his findings. The doctor says, "Your wife did not have a heart attack. She just has acute angina."
Adjusting his hearing aid, the husband says, "Listen here young man, don't go talking about my wife's privates like that! I know she's cute down there!"
A man died from a heart attack when being taken to the police station
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
My dad is the most dad jokingest person on earth. This morning he had a heart attack. He's stable and was making dad jokes all the way to the hospital. I need your best of the best jokes for me to tell him when he gets out of surgery.
The other day someone just would not shut up about how I need to accept the giant robot masters into my heart.
Damn right-wing Evangelionists.
My dad and I were walking downtown today having a heart to heart when he spanked a statue, turned to me and said....
"....Son....... I've just hit rock bottom."
I don't have the heart to tell you guys...
So in a few days I'm supposed to get an ultrasound on my heart and I want to lighten up the mood a little by making a few puns about the situation. Can you all help me with some real clever ones? Anything about shortness of breath and heart problems would be amazing :)
[daily jumble] After his heart surgery, the marathon runner was happy to once again be a...
The only way to kill a French vampire is to slowly drive a baguette through its heart.
The process is a little painstaking.
Only way to kill a French vampire is to stab it in its heart with a baguette.
But the whole damn process is painstaking.
To kill a French Vampire you need to drive a baguette through its heart
Sounds easy but the process is painstaking.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
The worst time to have a heart attack
is during a game of charades
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
![Her: Be mean to me. [heart eyes emoji] Him: You're average.](https://i.redd.it/flqsfk21c8d51.jpg){kind=link}