We birthed our child at home so, he wasn't delivery,
A narcissistic fungus found out he wasn't perfect
He realized that he had mushroom for development
I got my dog a speaker system, but he wasn't satisfied.
He wanted a bigger subwoofer.
I had a karate teacher who wasn't very good at his job. Every time he was hit he'd start crying.
My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough.
He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.
Historians found out that Napoleon's favorite food was turkey, but it wasn't because of the flavor, it was because he wanted to keep making wishes with the wishbone.
He has broken that bone a parte countless times.
A frog had his son right at the border of Poland. He wasn't officially considered Polish because he wasn't in the country.
At least he wasn't too chicken to complain
I was at Disneyland when I ran into a very short man who told me he wasn't happy, so I asked him which one he was.
It turned out he was grumpy. And because I was so dopey, now I need a doc.
I met a taxidermist who wasn't very talkative. I asked him what he did for a living.
He wasn't lying, just saying
I went to an exotic petting zoo with Boy George. He wasn't at all impressed with their limited range of animals.
He started pointing them out to me.
"Llama, llama, llama, llama, llama, chameleon."
++++++++++++++++++
I thought of this today while driving and smacked my wheel as I giggled. My girlfriend stared at me, bemused and confused.
I like it. I'm proud of myself.
I used to be the soccer team's striker until my coach realized I wasn't playing well. He said....
You should play defense, no offense.
I'm glad I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
He stepped on a landmine.
My friend works at an Indian restaurant. One day, he received an order for 25 meals to be delivered in an hour. An hour after he had completed delivery, the customer called to complain that a single meal wasn't spicy enough.
He forgot to curry the one.
I once knew a guy who was a pilot but he wasn't very bright.
All of his friends called him plain stupid.
I bet my butcher he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said he wasn't going to bet with me.
He told me the steaks were too high.
A local Amish told me he wasn't against progress
As long as it doesn't involve change
Today is the Ides of March, when Caesar was famously assassinated. But what most people don't know is that he wasn't stabbed, but poisoned, by Hemlock leaves in his salad - hence the name "Caesar's Salad." When Brutus asked how many Hemlock leaves Caesar ingested, Caesar said:
My friend couldn't figure out why he kept getting wet on his deck when it rained. Turns out he wasn't standing under the awning.
What would Ed Sheeran be if he wasn't a musician?
Luckily he wasn't charged
A fat man came into the store trying to decide if he wanted a hammock. He laid down in the display model and I tried pushing him so he could feel what it was like to gently rock. I wasn't strong enough. He left without purchasing it.
Did you know that Shakespeare wasn't just an amazing playwright? He also made exceptional wigs!
His shop name? Toupee or Not Toupee.
What did the carpenter do after he wasn't satisfied with his One Night Stand?
my five year old just told me that he wasn't finished his yawn...
... i told him his yawn was expired.
(sadly, he didn't get it)
My kid wasn't sure if he wanted eggnog or not.
You might say he's eggnostic.
I tried telling my friend some deer fun facts but he wasn't interested in listening to me.
I feel he isn't fawned of them.
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach
Wasn't sure if my boss was a dad or not, until he hit me with this gold.
Coworker: You do know that those chips have ethanol in them right?
Boss: turns around and looks at me I GUESS THAT'S WHY I AM FULL OF GAS!
My best friend was straight up fired from his job in a PC keyboard factory today. All his manager said was that he wasn't putting in enough shifts.
He wasn't sure he'd like having a beard...
A demon said he wasn't gay.
What grade did the science teacher give when he wasn't sure it was an A?
What did the mandolorian say to assure the tourist he wasn't lost?
I took my kid to a petting zoo and he asked why I wasn't afraid....
...cause I ain't afraid of no goats!
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three... ( this wasn't mine, i found it on imgur)
imgur.com/gallery/zRnm4dj
My dad said he wasn't sure about posting Ebola jokes on the Internet
When the former Chelsea goalkeeper wasn't sure of the prize money he received, what did he do?
Cech checked his Czech cheque
Can a man be French if he wasn't born on the mainland?
Daredevil wasn't in Avengers: Infinity War because he can't work with Vision
My Mouse Must Have Had A Stroke, Because The Right Half Wasn't Working Yesterday and Today He Died
imgur.com/jjLidmb
I asked my dad why he wasnt an organ donor
He said it's because he only has pianos.
I bet my butcher he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said he wasn't going to bet with me.
He told me the steaks were too high.
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