Where does a sheep go to have his haircut ?
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
I said I was sad to have to go back to work on Monday after a long break. My four year old without missing a beat said...
Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
I have decided to go to a city in SW France to study history and art.
I figure, what do I have Toulouse.
I have a great business idea but i need someone to help me. I go to the toilet and you tie up bits of string.
You shouldn't go around saying how everyone should have a job and their own accommodation.
Do u think if a British person heard an American person go “ugh I have a bloody nose” they would think “we all have noses you know”
Credit goes to my friend who made the joke
Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy club than the emergency room.
You just pay the cover charge and they'll have you in stitches.
When you mess up on the first go but you have a good recovery
I used to upholster furniture for a living and hated it. My boss switched me to packing for a while then switched me back. I hate it so bad I have to go to a support group. Talking helps me to do the damned job.
Speaking to a friend: "My mother once told me, 'if you want to go further on your journey, you have to take that next step, no matter how daunting'." My friend piped up, "Don't you mean farther?" To which I replied:
"No, I'm fairly certain it was my mother."
Credit to B.C. (comic strip), most likely paraphrased since I read it many a moon ago, though I'm fairly certain the punchline is very close to the original.
Why do you have to wear a jacket when you go to a coal mine?
Because it is coal inside
Normally if I have a problem, I like to go and think about it on the local carousel.
It usually helps, but I feel like I’m going around in circles
When I have a problem, I go to a chemist
They usually have the solution.
What do cats and dogs do when they’re watching a movie and have to go to the bathroom?
Do you have to go to school to drive a train? or do they just TRAIN you on the job?
A couple of years ago my friend told me I have a hard time letting go of the past
My six-year-old daughter just delighted me with a completely original pun: What do you call it when you have to go inside at the end of the day?
People have a misconception that if you take the shell off snails, it will go faster...
But they just end up being sluggish.
Edit: Don't thank me, the wife laid this one on me just now. I told her was going to post this on reddit, she said we've run out of stamps.
A large bee hive can have over 10,000 bees. Where do all those bees go to use the bathroom?
Why did the comedian have to go on a diet?
Because he was addicted to snickers.
What do you call a place turtles go that don't have shells?
Where do people who have seizures in the middle of a "Peek-A-Boo" game go?
They go to the ICU.
I'll show myself out.
Isn't a bit odd that you have to go completely off the grid to get away and recharge yourself?
Why did the shopper have to go home after getting into a fight over clothes on Black Friday?
Because she got socked in the face.
My wife is due with our first baby any time now and she made a poll to have the family guess when she would go into labor. Hilarity ensued.
If a kid refuses to go have a nap...
...are they guilty of resisting a rest?
I have a backpack that lets me drink water while I hike. I've been debating returning it, but decided to give it another go. Yesterday I put a new straw in it, and now the straw is completely stuck and the backpack is unusable. I'm definitely returning it now.
It was the straw that broke the CamelBak.
Why can't the guy who does inventory for Lipton go out and have a beer after work?
Because he is a tea totaller.
My mother asked me to pick up chocolate coins for the kids on the way to her Hanukkah party. When the store on my route didn't have any and I showed up with regular chocolate, she started crying and begged me to go back out to a different store.
I yelled, "No mom! I'm so sick of your gelt trips!"
I have a horse that only wants to go out at night.
It's quite a nightmare to ride!
I have to go buy a vacuum today!
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