I tried to find a happy medium.

So I went to a psychic fair and told a couple of dad jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/candu2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2017
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What do you call a person who enjoys talking with the spirits of the dead?

A happy medium

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EdibleSoftware
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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Hey did you ever hear about the psychic that only gives you good news?

It's The Happy Medium

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lizzybe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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I met a bipolar fortune teller yesterday...

She says she either feels very manic, or quite depressed - never a happy medium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaron2571
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Just what is it about all the Psychics that I visit, they're either totally depressed or too excitable..

..it's really hard to find the happy Medium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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I wanted to see a fortune teller but my wife didn’t want to because they’re always so depressed. So we compromised and found...

A happy medium

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GDGameplayer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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why are most psychics unhappy

because happy mediums are actually really rare

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crypt-lord
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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A tipped my psychic an extra $20.00 the other day...

She was a very happy medium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Campagnolo412
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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I wanted to become a ghost hunter, but settled on going to a psychic

It was a happy Medium

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clifwith1f
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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A man walked into a fortune teller's shop

He asks to have his future read and the fortune teller happily does so. After gazing into her crystal ball she starts to laugh uncontrollably. The man hits her immediately to which the teller asks: Why did you do that??????? The man replies, I've never struck a happy medium before

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oleolesp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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My wife started a new job reading tarot cards

She's making a fortune

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RadToTheBone86
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2017
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I gave a depressed psychic some anti-depressants.

He's now a happy medium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ch3000
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
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My wife believes in psychics, and I don’t.

So we had to settle for a happy medium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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A clairvoyant woman had an older brother who was always angry and a younger brother who was blissful to the point of naΓ―vetΓ©.

Thankfully, she was a happy medium between the two.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/In_The_Comments
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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I found a way to appease a mystic

I found a happy medium

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nave_plays
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
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Unexpected dad joke from Mom... My dad was grilling pork chops today. Normally not a fan, but I decided to try a bite. It was delicious, so I turned to my dad and said, "Wow Dad! These pork chops are really well done!" From behind me, Mom quipped...

"Actually, they're medium-well."


I paused for a good 10 seconds as it began to sink in, and then gave her the biggest applause I could.

I'm so happy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OreoBlizzard12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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I've been wanting to communicate with my grandfather died a few years ago

And I want my wife to come along. So I've been looking for one of those psychics to help us out. But my wife hates them – she says they're all to dark and spooky.

I came across a guy who does seances, but he's not your typical creepy witch doctor type. His place is bright and cheery, and he himself is a very friendly and likeable guy.

I think we finally found a happy medium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YoureAMuenster
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
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My fortune teller told me she was feeling somewhere between elated and neutral

I called her a happy medium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/equinstarbeat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
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An elderly man asked if he could hit me...

I was finishing a gig as a fortune teller and in the elevator happy to be going home. An elderly man and his wife joined and he looked at me, smiled, then asked if he could hit me. Confused I laughed and asked why, to which he replied, "I've always been told I should strike a happy medium."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FiveTailedFox
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2016
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I met a bipolar fortune teller yesterday...

She says she either feels very manic, or quite depressed - never a happy medium.

(According to my facebook memories, I made this one up 7 years ago!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaron2571
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Clairvoyants are either really miserable or really angry

There is no happy medium

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimenon001
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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What do you call a psychic on Valium?

A happy medium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Byzantium63
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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My psychic dad just told me...

...that he might be terrible contacting the undead, but he's still a happy medium!

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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What do you call a psychic that wins the lottery?

A happy medium

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JasonTie
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
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Anyone know where we can find a psychic who isn’t grouchy?

We need to arrive at a happy medium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/intrepid604
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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