Asphodel and Pink Mallow flowers, done by Cloey Zikmund at White Willow (Pittsburgh)
πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ebarnes97
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Lilies, hydrangeas, dahlias, and sweet potato vines. Done by the incredibly talented Cloey Zikmund at Black Oak Tattoo in Chicago! imgur.com/gallery/ov7VQtb
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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Zikmund Kramer - Born 05.03.1897 - murdered
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

A mosquito can fly but a fly can't mosquito.

My 11 year old daughter told me this one this evening lol.

πŸ‘︎ 470
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...

Solid, liquid and gas

πŸ‘︎ 403
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brundonius
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas.

Global chaos ensues.

The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
An alcoholic wakes up in jail and asks the nearest officer why he's there

"For excessive drinking" the officer replies So the prisoner replies "Great, when do we start?"

πŸ‘︎ 397
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πŸ‘€︎ u/st_jimmy_02
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?

Annoying

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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I'm sorry, but I'm extremely proud of this one, and nobody in the chat found it funny =(
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ennis88
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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Just went in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask.

I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"

She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icebucketwood
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I told a joke to a Japanese guy earlier about Sodium and Nickel...

He didn't get it though, so he just said "NaNi?!"

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/qwopcircles
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What has 4 wheels and flies?

A garbage truck

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfalberto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person with no body and no nose??

NOBODY KNOWS!!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shahoody24
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Every day at breakfast, I announce that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.

It was my longest running joke of the year.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
True story: Driving back home, my 5 year old son says "How do you spell 'penis'?". My wife looks at me curiously and then asks "Why?"

After a few moments of silence, my son replies "That's it?"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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I listened to Queen albums for 12 hours in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

It must be the high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
2, 4 and 6 tried to defeat 3, 5 and 7

But the odds were against them

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vitmal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into a bar and it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Trump announces wave of pardons, including Papadopoulos and former lawmakers Hunter and Collins cnn.com/2020/12/22/politi…
πŸ‘︎ 66k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marasydnyjade
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s got a wooden frame, wooden engine, wooden wheels and a wooden gas tank. Did he ride it? No, wooden start
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunkinbiskits
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend breaking into an animal shelter and releasing a bunch of huskies into the wild??

Turns out it was The Who that let the dogs out

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No-Dane-No-Gain
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I called my wife and told her I'd pick up pizza and coke on my way back home from work, but she's not happy.

She still regrets letting me name the twins.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a poorly dressed monkey on a tricycle and a well-dressed monkey on a bicycle?

Attire

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfalberto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad jokes are the best and here's why

Why

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GodMustafi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: β€œsir, would you like to go out with the cart?”. To which I replied β€œoh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaFunkJunkie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my Trail Mix

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas, and Gandalf walk into a bar

Gimli and the Hobbits are short enough to walk under it.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TOPSIturvy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Coughy filter (source: PunHub)
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gamergod4now
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me "what starts with f and ends with k"

I said "No, it doesn't".

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyesboyee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
From my 8yo son: How are dogs and dogwoods alike?

They both have bark!

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doryenas
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"

"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bound4Oregon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The World Health Organization has declared that dogs cannot transmit the Corona Virus and should not be quarantined any longer.

W.H.O. Lets the dogs out!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rgapinski
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"

"No, it kills them."

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a guy with formal wear on a bicycle and a guy with casual wear on a unicycle?

Attire

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teriyaki_sauced
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm on a plane and the lunch choices are: white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I'm seated in the last row.

I'm hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I wrote down the names of everyone I hate on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint.

He’s now high on the list of people I never want to see again.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Seems a little inappropriate having a strip club across the road from Mini golf in town. I’m a pretty liberal guy but if I’m having a day out with my family the last thing I want to look across the road and see is a bunch of losers playing mini golf.
πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rurgtide
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Once a man assaulted me with milk, butter, and cheese.

How dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigPoon23
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
And there we have it
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "One whiskey and ................... one coke.

"Why the big pause?" - says the bartender.

"I don't know. I was born with them" - says the bear.

πŸ‘︎ 964
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πŸ‘€︎ u/woodybg
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report

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