A list of puns related to "H bridge"
It's called Bridge Over Troubled Water.
Before boarding the plane, he threw some salt off the flight bridge
After they landed, he tossed some paprika
On the next leg, some nutmeg and a pinch of cumin.
The flight crew saw the combination, there was only one conclusion they could make...
He was a seasoned traveler
He has to get to the other side of the canal but can't seem to find a bridge. On the other side he sees someone walking his dog. How do I get to the opposite side? He shouts. You already are the man responds.
He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.
He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.
When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.
“Something I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.
Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.
“That’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. “I’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”
So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.
He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.
“Master Yoda!” he asks. “What did I do wrong?”
Yoda replies sagely, “A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”
The sign said Draw bridge.
Me: Did she push you off of a Parisian bridge?
Wife: 🤦♀️
She said, “What would you do when you finally see it?”
I said, “I’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”
Surely it's just water under the bridge by now?
I said, "I always feel a bit queasy crossing Brooklyn Bridge."
My wife said, “What are you going to do when you finally see it?”
Me: I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
but at the performance review he was consoled by his boss, "it's all just water under the bridge"
The obstetrician came to the bridge, squinted into the night and said:
"Congratulations, Captain. It's a buoy!"
They told me that recently they had come into ownership of a small ball of string. At first, they thought nothing of it. One day, they walked into their house and the ball of string was on the table, when they had specifically left it in a closet. They put it away again, but the next day when they came home from work, the ball was on the table again. It kept happening, and eventually it became a sort of game for my friend. They'd leave it somewhere they thought it could never come back from, and return to find it on their table.
Then it began to appear in other places.
It appeared in the middle of a company meeting. One moment, the table was empty, the next, it had a ball of string in the middle. While driving, they spotted it in the back of their car. They saw it inside of a vending machine. But at the end of every day it would return to their table.
Eventually, my friend decided enough was enough. They took the string, and threw it off a bridge into a river. As they were driving home, a car swerved and hit them, wrecking both cars. My friend staggered to check on the other driver, and all he found was a small pile of soggy string on the seat.
After that, he never saw the string again.
So after he told me this tale, I turned to him, and said, "Wow... that was quite a yarn."
My wife gave birth to our first son on Friday. This morning they came to get him for his circumscion and we were feeding him a bottle. The nurse said we were going to have to cut it short. I said ok, but not too short. And nobody laughed. They looked at me like an idiot. Hopefully the internet will appreciate this.
EDIT: Didn't expect this to garner so much attention, but I guess it deserves some elaboration. Yes, this actually happened and we had our son circumcised. Everything went well without any complications. I made this decision with my wife based on hygienic, traditional, and aesthetic reasons, and I am confident in my decision. I am circumcised, and I'm happy with it.
There are times in my son's life that i will need to make decisions for him, and this was one of those times. I understand that some people think I have committed a terrible crime against my son, but I disagree. There are many arguments for both sides, and I think these decisions should be made by family and doctors when the bridge comes to be crossed.
I'm not going to go through and answer all of the questions and insults individually, I have a newborn to take care off, but y'all feel free to hash it out.
Also, I still think my joke was pretty damn funny.
Bridges may be, icy.
Until they started using examples from foreign countries. That's a bridge too far for me.
When the bridge slowly began to collapse.
Any car if it’s on a bridge.
Draw Bridge Ahead
...I’ve forgiven him now. It’s just water under the bridge
They had to walk on a loose wooden bridge to cross the river. My stepdad started walking on it but my stepmom refused to walk on it until my stepdad reached the other side.
When I asked her the reason , she pointed to a sign which read "One step at a time"
A bridge went to bridge school and did something wrong, he was called into the principals office, the principal then said "you're suspended"
The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
But I’m just not ready to cross those bridges.
I'm building a bridge for a competition team and we need a creative name. So far, all I have is Simon & Garfunkel's Path and Red Hot Road. I'm lame.... Help
Would it be on a suspension bridge?
He then accidentally says “I hate tennis man” as he is used to being at school and complaining ;) His dad then responds by saying “who’s tennis man and what has he done to you” The son then looks like he wants to throw himself off a bridge
Dad: hey son, why do you think they strap the boat to the top of the car like that?
Me: well, if it was flipped the other way, I would think the wind would catch it or something.
Dad: no, they do that because if the car flipped on a bridge over water, the boat would let them float on the water.
Me: sigh
This morning officers from Oakland stopped a doe for toll evasion, on the Bay Bridge. She said she usually pays it, but today it was a buck short.
He crashed his pickup into a bridge and broke his neck.
So, my town has a major highway that runs through it, and a bridge that people can walk over. Well, some guy decides to tie a ball to a string and dangle it over the side of the bridge. That way, any car that goes under the bridge will think they hit something and the guy could have a good laugh. Well, a semi comes through, and the ball gets caught on the mirror. The guy's arm gets ripped clean off, and he's sent to the hospital right away. The truck driver gets pulled over as he's passing through another town. The arm is still dangling from the mirror. The truck driver is then arrested, for armed robbery. (Badum-tsss) (Thank you, thank you. I can't wait to get 3 whole karma for this one.)
Our hero is rough, he's tough, he's made of mighty stuff, and he's been through many hardships.
Our hero lives in Marree, South Australia. He hears about a job opportunity in Darwin, so goes to his car to drive the 3,100 ks to Darwin. One problem, his car won't start.
This is no problem for our hero, because he's rough, he's tough, he's made of mighty stuff, and he's been through many hardships.
He walks to Darwin.
When he gets there, the bosses love him, and offer him the job on the spot.
"One problem," they say "The job is in Cape Town, and all air traffic has been halted because of the cyclones"
No problem for our hero. He's rough, he's tough, he's made of mighty stuff, and he's been through many hardships.
Our hero gets on the boat to travel the 11,000 ks to Cape Town.
Not far into the journey, the boat hits a storm and capsizes. No problems for our hero, he's rough, he's tough, he's made of mighty stuff, and he's been through many hardships.
He starts swimming.
In the open ocean, a container ship spots him, and offers to help.
"One problem," the captain says over the loud speaker, "There's no rope".
No problem for our hero, he's rough, he's tough, he's made of mighty stuff, and he's been through many hardships.
He scales the side of the ship bare-handed.
A few days later, they're attacked by pirates. One problem, he's unarmed and outnumbered
No problem for our hero as he is rough, he is tough, he's made of mighty stuff, and he's been through many hardships.
Our hero valiantly defends himself, gets some weapons, and is defending the bridge from all attackers.
He fights off the captain of the pirates, and deals him a mortal blow. One problem, the captain in his death throws, pushes our hero off the bridge, and he plummets towards the deck.
No problem for our hero as he's rough, he's tough, he's made of mighty stuff, and he's been through many hardships.
I cut my finger open and didn't notice it.
Dad: "Hey, you cut your finger pretty bad there."
Me: "I did? Didn't notice. I lost feeling in that one a few years ago when I cut it open at the base."
Dad: "I lost sensation in my thumb after I did the same thing, so I know the feeling... Or do I?"
Driving to the store.
Me: "The tires feel kind of flat. Should probably stop at a gas station and increase the pressure."
Dad: "We have to be careful, though. Too much pressure and they'll get nervous."
Going to the Cheesecake Factory.
Me: "We have to take the bridge, right?"
Dad: "Yeah, but we're gonna have to give it back afterwards."
Goddammit, dad.
A family of morons go for a walk. They come to a rickety looking bridge. The daddy moron says to the mommy moron and the little moron, "I'll go first to make sure it's safe." He starts to walk across, but almost immediately falls off. The mommy moron, seeing her husband fall off, runs to the bridge, crying. As soon as she gets on the bridge, she also immediately falls off. The little moron, not realizing the danger, walks right up to the bridge, and calmly crosses the bridge with no incident. Why didn't he fall off?
Because he was a little moron the bridge.
Signs are everywhere that read "WATCH FOR ICE ON BRIDGE"
I was with him in his car.
Me: Hey, are we taking the bridge?
Him (with a horrible grin): Yes, but we gotta return it later.
••••••••••A Bridge••••••••••
The One About A Reddit Troll
You have now :)
Girlfriend: I built the London Bridge* LEGO set. It was really hard.
Me: That’s probably because it kept falling down.
*What she is calling London Bridge is actually the Tower Bridge in London.
She asked me, “What are you going to do when you see it?”
I said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.”
We’ll cross that bridge when we get there
So the wife and me were excited to see the golden gate in person. So the wife asks me, "what are we gonna do when we get there?" And I replied, "we'll cross that bridge when we get there"
She asked me, “What are you going to do when we see it?”
Me: We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
Her: What would you do when we see it?
Me: Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.
She said, “ What are you going to do when you finally see it?”
I said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.”
Her: What are you going to do when we see it?
Me: We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
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