Me: I'm going to grow out the hair on my upper lip, then shave it, put it in a box, and hide that box.

Wife: Why...?

Me: It's going to be my secret stash

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BinaryPeach
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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Just got hired and I'm already *that* employee

Me: (assembling boxes) i'll watch out for that plant.

Boss: yes please do, i've had that fern since it was just a sprout.

Me: awww. they grow up so fast.

Boss: yes. it'll probably start going to college soon.

Me: think it'll go to an... ivy league?

Boss: ...

Me: ...

Boss: ...

Me: ...so yeah I'll just pack these boxes and watch out for the plant.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/winnersbitch
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 29 2014
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Driving to College with my mom and my dad...

And there's a plastic box in the back with all my shampoo and shit in it clunking around making noise. I tell my mom that it might have been better to put my toiletries in a safer place, to which my dad responds, "well I'm going to grow a whole orchard and sell them to Home Depot. You know, those toilet trees that you have."

Ughhh, I'll be glad once I'm at college

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RaptorX7
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 26 2014
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Second generation dad joke.

My 18 year old daughter has a scrape on her knee. My 10 year old saw it and asked what happened. I told her it was from kick boxing. The 10 year old looked at 18 year old and said "how did you grow up with him?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fatherfish
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 12 2016
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