Me and my recliner go way back
they are a load of bologna.
The depressed programmer says "goodbye world"
Sorry
http://i.imgur.com/XW3DKEr.jpg
He commented on a picture of himself on facebook.
http://i.imgur.com/35SRcoY.png
Back home yesterday preparing the supper.
Dad pumps a fake shotgun, pulls a fake trigger whilst farting. But the fart was more of a quiet "pfft" so he says, "oh, had the silencer on."
I'll show him. Just you wait.
Edit: Goodness, that blew up. My first awards, too!
I want to send out individual replies to thank everyone who gave me an award. I might do it later.
Having a bit of a discipline issue with my daughter... she'll bring a pile of sand inside and make what she calls her "land". It's sand arranged in a flattish layer, with toy animals and her lego house (Friends^TM , why she no like diggers and helicopters and whatever, why she gotta be so girly??). She doesn't like getting her hand dirty while she's doing it, wears a glove to keep clean, so you'd think she could understand the concept that I don't like the floor getting dirty... but no, she doesn't give a shit.
Had her third birthday party recently, and gave her a Skye (Paw Patrol) plushy, she loves it. Because it's her newest and most favourite toy in the whole world, and because it was for her birthday, we can't confiscate it no matter what.
Very next day, she makes her land again, Skye's there at the side - she's too big to sit in the middle, it would dominate all the plastic dinosaurs and lego Friends people (not the usual mini-figs, they're a bit more anatomically correct, anyway that's not important right now). So I'm all angry and "why you keep doing this", take the glove off her and sweep up the sand. Put her in the time out cage for a bit. Well, we call it the cage, it's just a cupboard under the stairs which is a bit shorter than her so she has to sit there if she doesn't want to bump her head. Throw her in there for one minute per year of age, is the standard procedure.
Anyway, as we close the door she starts singing...
Take my glove
Take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care
I'm still three
You can't take this Skye from me
At least that's what she said in her diary.
The mean increases.
Me: I just found it, and it's great. Now everything you say will be my fodder.
Dad: I'm already your fodder. And over there, [pointing to my mom] that's your mudder.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
This happened a couple months ago, over the summer.
My family was sitting together for dinner, and part of our meal consisted of spring rolls. My little cousin was taking too long to eat, pushing food around her plate, so my dad turns to her and says "you better finish those spring rolls before fall comes."
And then he looked around at everyone with a huge grin to see who was laughing. Oh dad, gotta love you.
I was driving around with my Grandfather yesterday. As we passed a cemetery he says, "People are dying to get in there, you know". I couldn't help but bust out laughing. I'm 29 years old...Gotta love Grandpas
We were watching the newest Hunger Games movie a couple of weekends ago. Throughout the film she was (very quietly) whispering interesting things that were in the books but not the film.
Mild Spoilers
There is a certain part where a character goes back for a cat.
End Mild Spoilers
She leans over and I think she was going to tell me another interesting things about the scene. She whispered a little louder than the other times, "You've gotta be kitten me right meow!"
You could hear the slight chuckle from the people in front of us and I had to stifle my laughter. I probably shouldn't find it that funny, but I love good timing and a corny joke.
We love Knock knock jokes at dinner. My wife's favorite was Knock knock, who's there, butter, butter who? Butter let me in I gotta poop! The day finally came for my 5 year old daughter to tell it and this was her rendition... Knock knock, who's there, Butter, butter who? Butter me up, I gotta poop!!!
So I ask him, "How many more are there to catch?"
He says, "Oh, about 6.02 times 10 to the 23rd."
Gotta love engineers!
My dad saw me about to make some chicken noodle soup. Knowing I wasn't feeling well he offered to make it for me instead. I accepted his offer and sat down on the couch. Once it was done, my dad hands me a bowl of the hot soup and extends a spoon towards me. I look at the spoon but notice as I'm about to grab it, it's one of those strainer spoons, the big ones with the holes in it. I give him a dumbfounded look, and he proceeds to bust out laughing as he takes a normal spoon out from behind his back, hands it to me, and walks back to the kitchen chuckling to himself the whole way. Gotta love that guy.
After dinner the owner of the restaurant at which we were eating came up to the table and asked how we found the service. My dad didn't hesitate before answering "I dunno, they just kinda came up to the table" with the doofiest smile on his face. Gotta love him.
"Hey, Thirsty! I'm Friday, let's meet up on Saturday for a sunday!"
Then I would say "no, dad! I am really thirsty!"
"And I am really Friday! And I'm serious about those sunday's on Saturday..."
Gotta love dads.
