PunGent
Tried posting in Dad jokes sub and I guess it was the wrong place for a triple pun.
Which was handy.
A punisher
Pun-ctuality.
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
βItβs to look at.β
My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
...would be preposterous
I replied: βNo son, but have you seen my dad glasses?β
Me: "Word".
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.
Prime Rib!
What are some good puns for that name? (Preferably 1 word, instead of a whole phrase) thanks!
It's the Wurst KΓ€se scenario
Credit: Twitter, Bruce Lawson (@brucel)
Looking at it now, I see why.
DAD: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
SON: Envelope.
But strangely, he kept a dictionary as the only other player. I asked him what he was doing.
He said, βSon, in this game of life, you just need to play with words to make a good dad-joke!β
[deleted]
-Could you describe the symptoms?
-Marge has blue hair and Homer is a fat guy
Things ran more fluidly
>
Friend: why did you call him that, heβs not even a white horse?
Mayo: [neighs]
Their words, not mine.
We went out and had beers. Cool guy, very driven, wants to be a web designer.
Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.
But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."
It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.
You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.
In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.
This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un
... keep reading on reddit β‘Me: ...no, why? Is another one of your stupid jokes again?
Dad: No, no, no. I read it on my Yahoos and thought it was weird.
Me: Oh... yeah, that is weird I guess.
Dad: It would've been funny if that joke had a punchline, wooden tit?
Me: Dad, no.
The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So whereβs my present?!"
Pungent.
Me: "Word'
Me: "Word"
Me: "Word"
