Watson: Good grief Holmes! This chess board is precisely 12 inches wide.

Holmes: The game is afoot!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RRatty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2022
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Egyptians aren't very good at getting through the stages of grief

They always swim in denial

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
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Why are pirates so angry after using the restroom?

After the "P" is gone, they are just "irate".

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarpGrinder
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2023
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The reason you don’t grow your own food

Is coz there are people who are farmer skilled at it than you.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rdias002
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2022
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My grief counselor died

He was so good, I don’t even care

πŸ‘︎ 674
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2022
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Batman and Robin have been run over by a steamroller. What are their names now?

Flatman and Ribbon.

πŸ‘︎ 120
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2021
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You know I really hate funerals

I’m not a mourning person !

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spyalien
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2022
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Did you hear about the italian chef that died?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. Theres nutelling what can happen next... His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I can only espress-so much grief, but lettuce romaine calm. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There's just not mushroom left for italian chefs in this world... Sending olive my prayers to his family. His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it... You never sausage a tragic thing. Its such a shame good people die fusilli reasons. It was a farfalle from grace... My condolences for Roberto, who died in the spaghetto. May he rest in yeastπŸ™πŸ»β€οΈ

Wow! Im so glad so many people laughed at this joke, I got so much happy feedback from everyone lol thank u sm for all the rewards and upvotes, my week couldnt get better!😁

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iLoveRaviolis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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One bird can’t make a pun

But toucan

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/t_bone_stake
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2022
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My wife hit me...

Walking with my wife and 2 year old last night when my wife mentioned there was an open house a few blocks away. She asked if "you want to go and be snoopy." I responded "what do you want me to do, dance on a piano?" that's when she hit me.

update: 1583 upvotes? Holy crap... never thought my idiocy would pay off! (in fake points)

Update #2: Holy crap... thank you whoever got me the gold!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nanokazi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2014
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Eating lunch when my 5 year old hits me with this

Me: good grief in full

5 year old: Hi Full, I'm Miriam!

Never been so proud of her in my life.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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