We're going to buy some glasses
A Mexican magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3.
He says, “uno, dos..” and then POOF he disappeared without a tres…
Jack: How’s it going? Beans: Pretty good
I told my wife I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.
She said, “Where would you find the time?”
I said, “Easy. Right next to the sage.”
Going to the foot doctor tomorrow.
Don't often think about my feet. They are usually the furthest thing from my mind.
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
A new strain of head lice is going around which is resistant to conventional treatments.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
Did you know the PS5 was originally going to be called the PSPSPSPSPS.
But it was attracting cats too much.
I was going to make a joke about cocaine
What is a child most likely going to cry?
Doctor: I’m afraid we’re going to have to remove your colon.
I'm going to be a bartender
Guys named Bart, watch out.
You could say their drive is going swimmingly
Are we going to talk about this oar what?
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy
The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts
I was going to tell a joke about a decimal...
Aro sure he can see where he’s going?
Before I die I am going to eat a whole bag of unpopped popcorn.
Just to make the cremation process a little bit more interesting.
I was going to tell a time traveling joke...
But you guys didn’t like it
I'm going to live forever
I’ve decided at long last to become a plumber. I’m going to take the plunge.
One should eat a healthy meal before going to space.
How does Santa know when it’s going to rain?
Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear.
I was going to build a house made out of books...
But it was too novel a concept
What did the pea say to the banana before going out?
I'm going to Prague next year.
I can't wait to Czech it out.
I was thinking of going as a bandaid this Halloween, but then decided against it.
I find it really hard to pull it off.
My wife is going through a tropical food craze. There are fruits all over the house!
It's enough to make a mango crazy!
For my next car, I’m going to buy a Honda directly from Japan and pay all the necessary tariffs.
It will be my Civic duty.
I finally figured out what I'm going to name my dad band...
Saw (goodnight everybody!)
The seating columns at my church are going through a period of awkward changes...
***Pew***berty, in other words.
I'm going to open a pizza joint where they shake a box a bit before they hand it to you.
I'll call it Little Seizures.
A quote from my dad: “so you’re going to the doctors... but that’s actually the perfect time to go to the dentist... 2:30.... because tooth hurty *poses* dad jokes!”
Word for word what he said because he just said it a moment ago
My kid asked me if I’m going to put the Christmas tree up myself.
I said I was gonna put it up in the living room.
My 35-year boycott of Ferrari's and Lamborghini's is still going strong!
And will continue until they lower the price.
The day my daughter turns 18, I’m going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her:
“Well, I guess now you really are… independent"
Polkageist: Its all going "accordion" to my plan!
Was going to make a joke about my paycheck.
Turns out I have insufficient puns.
I was going to cover the windows of our new house with curtains, but my wife came in and tossed vertical blinds at me...
Dunno why the she had to throw shade on my pursuit...
My doctor told me I'm going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
I’m going to open a restaurant that doesn’t do anything to prevent spreading the pandemic
It’s called Thai Food Mary
Essentially, anytime a new toilet is christened you are "Going where no man has gone before."
I heard they were going to broadcast the World Origami Championships this weekend since so many sports are cancelled
My wife asked me when I thought I was going to get out of bed
Told her I would sleep on it
Going to treat myself to Velcro shoes, instead of laces.
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
I've been working on not mansplaining and instead saying something positive. How has been going?
I'm just going to leave it here
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke......
....but you guys didn't like it.
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