I remember when I dropped off my son on his first day of school. He looked worried, so I asked him, βWhatβs wrong?β Nervously he answered, "How long do I have to go to school for?β I laughed and replied, βUntil youβre 18." He nodded and thought about it quietly.
When we got to the front gates, he said, βDad, you will remember to come and get me when Iβm 18, wonβt you?β
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︎ Jan 15 2023
Where do cows go on a first date?
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︎ Jan 29 2023
Did you hear James Hetfield left Metallica to go spread Christianity on Sesame Street?
He's become the Pastor of Muppets
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︎ Feb 24 2023
The best puppet to go on a date with would be Pinocchio, since...
...there's no strings attached.
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︎ Feb 17 2023
Me and my kids go on a vacation everydayβ¦
My wife is the travel agent of guilt trips.
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︎ Feb 25 2023
Are there other places on the web you go for good "dad" humor? [META]
Hopefully this doesn't break the rules.
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︎ Feb 25 2023
I sometimes like to go to southern Germany on holiday...
For Bavarious reasons.
I also like to go to the south of France. Why? I've got nothing Toulouse.
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︎ Feb 15 2023
My wife wanted to go on vacation, but I wanted a staycation...
. .. so we compromised and had an altercation
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︎ Jun 25 2022
Where does the clergy go on vacation?
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︎ Jan 22 2023
Where did the highway go on vacation?
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︎ Nov 15 2022
What did the horse go as on Halloween?
π︎ 56
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︎ Oct 27 2022
Why is it so hard to go on a date with a librarian?
Because they're so hard to read.
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︎ Nov 20 2022
Why do forrest rangers load their rifles with bear tranquilizers when they go out on group expeditions?
Because there's safety in numb bears
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︎ Oct 04 2022
First joke. Go easy on me fellas. In these difficult times of the pandemic, who could benefit most from herd immunity?
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︎ May 01 2022
The mafia forced my brother to go on a creative writing course..
They made him an author: he couldnβt refuse.
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︎ Oct 29 2022
A woman I met recently let me choose where to go on our first date: an art museum or a science museum
When we went to the art museum she said the chemistry wasn't there.
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︎ Oct 25 2022
Why will Santa go down your chimney on Christmas Eve?
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︎ Nov 17 2022
Which computer should you go easy on?
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︎ Sep 27 2022
Where do fruits go on a vacation
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︎ Nov 11 2022
Iβve been posting a lot of chemistry jokes lately and theyβve gotten good reactions. I thought I was in my element and could go on forever with them but itβs time for someone else to step up and post some periodically.
I canβt zinc of any more.
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︎ Aug 24 2022
Where did the sponge go on vacation?
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 08 2022
Why doesn't ganondorf go on the internet?
Because there's too many links...
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︎ Sep 18 2022
What do kids listen to when they go on a weekend joy ride?
Saturday morning car tunes
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 04 2022
Will Smith and Chris Rock to go on a buddy comedy tour.
Chris Rock sets up the joke and Will Smith delivers the punchline
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︎ Mar 28 2022
Where does a ghost go on vacation?
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︎ Aug 21 2022
where does a sheep go on vacation?
π︎ 17
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︎ Sep 27 2022
Got a flat tire on my way to go bowling.
Luckily, I had a spare in my trunk.
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︎ Sep 09 2022
The family wanted to go on an adventure!
So I took them to the new grocery store that opened across town!!ππ
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︎ Sep 08 2022
When do you go on red and stop on green?
When you are eating watermelon
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︎ Aug 05 2022
Where do math teachers go on vacation?
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︎ May 15 2022
My brother Eric will sometimes go on rants about obscure, complex concepts.
Thatβs when heβs esoteric.
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︎ Sep 10 2022
My kid picks up a stone from every hike we go on and on Father's Day each year gives them all to me.
Honestly, it rocks and I appreciate the sediment.
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︎ May 03 2022
What do you call a little nap on the couch before you go sleep in bed for the night?
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︎ Jun 08 2022
I've been struggling with squats so I asked my girl to go on a date to the gym to spot me.
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︎ Aug 22 2022
I usually go to sleep laying on my side. If that doesnβt work, I lie on my stomach.
Thatβs my back up plan.
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︎ May 02 2022
Every time I try to go on a diet...
A chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.
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︎ Aug 02 2022
What do you get when you go on a seafood diet?
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︎ Jul 25 2022
My boss made me go into the office on Labor Day.
Halfway through the day, he came in to check up on me and caught me having a beer.
He said to me, "You can't drink while you're working."
I said, "Oh, don't worry - I'm not working."
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︎ Sep 07 2022
I wanted to go on a diet
but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now
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︎ Jul 12 2022
The US, Chinese, and Russia have announced new space programs. The Americans plan to go to the moon, Chinese will go to Mars, and Russia reports they will land cosmonauts on the sun. The others quickly replied that this is is suicide mission to which the Russians replied, βshows how smart you areβ¦
β¦We plan to go at night!β
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︎ Sep 07 2022
As I was dropping my son off on his first day of school, he worriedly looked at me and asked, βHow long do I have to go to school for?β Smiling, I responded, βUntil youβre 18 buddy!" He nodded, thought about it for a bit and said...
βDad, you will remember to come and get me when Iβm 18, wonβt you?β
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Apr 05 2022
Where did the ghost go on holiday?
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 05 2022
Where do math teachers go on vacation?
π︎ 15
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︎ Aug 14 2022
where do fruits go on vacation?
π︎ 29
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︎ May 11 2022
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