How did the piano get into it's house?
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, “Get out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
I've invented a new golf ball that will automatically go into the hole if it gets within 4 inches...
DO NOT carry them in your back pocket.
Soccer coach to newbie: "Basically, you kick this ball down the field and try to get it into that big net at the end."
"That's the goal at least."
This might be hard to get, but a Man walks into a tavern and..ahh forget it.
Damn I heard about this one cult, but it’s really hard to get into
I guess you could say it’s pretty diffi-cult.
It’s not that hard to get into the Naval Forces.
I mean, we were all semen at one point.
I always get lost when maps crop corners because it turns into a maize
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the check, he pulls out a gun, fires it several times, then walks out the door. If you don't get it look up "panda" in the dictionary ...
"Panda: A large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China; eats shoots and leaves."
Since today Merriam Webster even has the word dad joke:
"a wholesome joke of the type said to be told by fathers with a punchline that is often an obvious or predictable pun or play on words and usually judged to be endearingly corny or unfunny"
How did I get into computer software? I was very confused about what to do in university, so I asked my dad... He was wearing a Nike tshirt, and he answered me by pointing at his chest, where this was written: Just do IT.
My wife walked into our bedroom while I was napping and yelled "It's time to leave, get up!"
I said "Sssshh! These are my sleeping quarters" and pointed to some change I had on the bedside table. She was stunned, then she groaned and walked out.
My wife was wanting to throw a shirt into the dryer to get the wrinkles out but she wanted to spray it with water first. She couldn’t find a spray bottle close by so she instead grabbed the iron to spray it... talk about the ultimate irony.
It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow and she’s wanted to get a new cat (recently lost our old one), so my son and I got a cat from the animal shelter, put her gently into a large gift bag and brought her home. Before I could shut my driver door my son ran inside and ruined the surprise...
Can’t believe he let the cat out of the bag.
It can take people years to get into porn.
But it usually only takes me about thirty seconds.
What do you call it when two coconuts get into an accident?
What do you call it when a Tyrannosaurus gets into a car crash?
What do you call it when Nemo gets into a bar fight?
It’s pointless to get into an argument about the Adam and Eve creation story versus evolution.
It is comparing apples to origins.
Why does it cost so much to get into the NFL's Buffalo stadium?
Because they need to pay the Bills
What do you call shampoo when it gets into your eyes?
A son says to his dad, "Hey I'm going to get a soda, you need anything?". The dad says, "Yeah, get me a beer. Actually, make it two cans.". The son goes into the kitchen and is gone for about an hour and a half. The door opens up and he asks his son, "What the hell took so long?".
The son says, "Well it wasn't easy. I had to go to like three different pet stores before I found one that sold toucans.".
Why isn't it a big deal to get sucked into a black hole?
Because in there nothing is the matter
Why is it easy to get into a pirate college?
Because you just need the high Cs
My spare car key doesn't turn the engine, but it lets me get into the car...
I guess, just like my jokes, it's just a little door key.
I keep loading paper into my printer, but it keeps telling me it "just can't get enough."
I think it's stuck in Depeche Mode.
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