I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I donβt have a lot of money.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jun 11 2021
Which rock group has four men, one named George and another who was shot to death?
π︎ 7k
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︎ Nov 18 2021
George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey got together to make a movie
George said: I'll direct.
DiCaprio said: I'll produce.
Matthew said: I'll write, I'll write, I'll write.
π︎ 757
π
︎ Nov 23 2021
My kid, Bob, was named after George Washington.
If you're reading this, so were you.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Nov 14 2021
What does a fish say when they swam into a wall
π︎ 132
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︎ Jan 08 2022
Did you know that I was named after George Washington?
It's true! George Washington was named in the 18th century, while I was named in the 20th.
π︎ 220
π
︎ Dec 09 2021
What does a house wear?
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Dec 30 2021
Where did George Washington keep his armies?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jan 04 2022
My son said, "What rhymes with orange?" I pondered for a while and replied...
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Dec 24 2021
I just canβt believe this, robbers broke into my house, but all they took was my limbo stick.
I mean, how low can you go?
π︎ 690
π
︎ Dec 24 2021
Everyone alive today was named after George Washington.
George Washington was born in 1732, and was probably named then as well.
π︎ 217
π
︎ Nov 15 2021
If you're ever locked out of your house, start talking to your lock, calmly and clearly.
After all, good communication is the key.
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Nov 25 2021
My son asked me " what was the big deal about George Washington crossing the Delaware?"
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 23 2021
What do you call children born in a whore house?
π︎ 64
π
︎ Dec 26 2021
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hot tub?
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jan 05 2022
What did the wall say to the other wall
Iβll see you in the corner
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 30 2021
My wife caught me cheating. She took the house, made me mortgage everything else and I am currently in jail.
Boy does she take Monopoly seriously.
π︎ 388
π
︎ Dec 20 2021
So today someone broke into my house and stole my light bulbs.
π︎ 91
π
︎ Dec 19 2021
I was in a Egyptian Pyramid and saw some moving text on the wall!
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 02 2021
I got locked out of the house today. I tried talking to the lock.
Turns out that communication wasnβt key
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jan 09 2022
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still wonβt admit she framed me.
π︎ 68
π
︎ Dec 12 2021
Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house?
The ghosts bring all the boos!
π︎ 46
π
︎ Jan 06 2022
If you are freezing in your house, go sit in a corner...
They are always 90 degrees.
π︎ 46
π
︎ Dec 19 2021
Did you know George HW Bush was instrumental in setting up Uber?
It really off after his no new taxis speech.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 06 2021
As i child i was forced to walk the plank
We couldn't afford a dog...
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Jan 10 2022
The little old lady didnβt always live in a shoe. She once had a house, but when she couldnβt pay the mortgageβ¦
The bank gave her the boot
π︎ 76
π
︎ Dec 09 2021
My friend Monte is a hoarder of vegetable shortening, and his house is packed completely full. Now he wants my assistance completing a full inventoryβ¦
Itβll be the Count of Monteβs Crisco.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 24 2021
What do you call a dog that designs houses?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jan 03 2022
I can't get aroused by cracked bathroom walls.
It's a wrecked tile dysfunction.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 19 2021
Ani is short for Anikan, Obi is short for Obi Wan Kenobi, then what's Luke short for?
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Oct 01 2021
What's the best way to figure out if your house is haunted?
You play peek-a-BoOoOoOo.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 08 2022
That would drive me up the wall.
π︎ 38
π
︎ Nov 08 2021
Was at my brother-in-law's house
He was telling us that his son is back into baseball and does conditioning 4 days a week. I said, "Why so much? The kids hair can only get so soft."
Cue the blank stares and one person laughing.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Jan 02 2022
Did you know that the average antelope can jump higher than a 2 story house?
This is due in large part to the strong, powerful hind muscles of the antelope and the fact that houses can't jump.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 10 2022
My 6 year old French daughter has a knack for painting gorgeous landscapes of the sea that our house overlooks.
I guess you could say that she has got a sense of hue-mer.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 03 2022
I went to a haunted house and kept hearing bird noises, and the occasional "Polly wanna cracker!"....
.....must have been parrotnormal activity.
π︎ 168
π
︎ Nov 09 2021
Americans, what are the 2 places in the house that you are no longer American?
In the bathroom, because then European, and in the hallway on the way to the bathroom because then you're Russian
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Aug 09 2021
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
π︎ 343
π
︎ Dec 18 2021
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 26 2021
What did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall?
π︎ 23
π
︎ Dec 18 2021
What did one wall say to the other
Ill meet you at the corner.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 17 2021
What did the fish that ran into a wall say?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 19 2021
What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Nov 30 2021
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall ?
π︎ 222
π
︎ Oct 09 2021
Why is it cheaper to throw a party at a haunted house?
Because the ghosts bring all the boos!
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Sep 30 2021
What did one wall say to the other
I'll meet you at the corner
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 06 2021
What does a House wear?
π︎ 31
π
︎ Dec 22 2021
What did one wall say to the other wall?
I'll see you at the corner.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 20 2021
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