The teacher said that’s the worst spell of weather we have had around here in a long time.
Because they're all not 'C's.
Happy No L!
The poor thing has a deviated spectrum.
Would be nice, it was a long time before I happuned to find /r/punny and I'm sure that there are a lot of others that I don't know about. Also /r/TomSwifties.
Hey all! Sorry if this is against the rules somehow, but I am looking for some pun assistance. I'm a teacher and am setting my room up with a jungle theme. I want to decorate the door to my classroom to say "Welcome to the Third Grade Jungle..."We've got ...." with some kind of academic spin on "fun and games." Either fun or games can stay in the pun, but I figured I couldn't just straight up quote G&R without making it school related too. I'm usually pretty good at puns (post title nonwithstanding) but am coming up empty. Thanks so much!
B o r a n g e
In case this is your first time here (I haven't posted in a while), I find jokes here and elsewhere on the internet (and now my friends have started sending me jokes), and I text them to my daughter. I then capture her reactions for those sweet, sweet internet points.
Thanks very much to the original joke submitters. You dads are alright. If you missed any of the previous episodes:
EDIT: Since this is blowing up, I may as well mention that the young lady in question just passed her driver's license test this morning! Everyone congratulate her!
Also, thanks for the gold.
... E deer, F deer, G deer, H deer, I deer, J deer, K deer, L deer, M deer, N deer, P deer, Q deer, R deer, S deer, T deer, U deer, V deer, W deer, X deer, Y deer and Z deer.
Wait.. did I miss one out? O deer
Halloween is approaching and I am making some punny tombstone decorations, in the spirit of Disney's Haunted Mansion cemetery. I thought it would be fun to collect some new ones from the reddit community. Here are Disney's crypt puns. Please share any additional ones that you can come up with.
- Asher T. Ashes (Ashes to ashes)
- Bea Witch (Bewitch)
- C. U. Later (See you later)
- Clare Voince (Clairvoyance)
- Dustin T. Dust (Dust into dust)
- G. I. Missyou (Gee I miss you)
- Hail N. Hardy (Hale and hearty)
- Hal Lusinashun (Hallucination)
- Hap A. Rition (Apparition)
- I. Emma Spook (I am a spook)
- I. L. Beback (I'll be back)
- I. M. Mortal (I am mortal)
- I. M. Ready (I am ready)
- I. Trudy Departed (I truly departed)
- I. Trudy Dew (I truly do)
- Levi Tation (Levitation)
- Love U. Trudy (Love you truly)
- M. T. Tomb (Empty tomb)
- Manny Festation (Manifestation)
- Metta Fisiks (Metaphysics)
- Paul Tergyst (Poltergeist)
- Pearl E. Gates (Pearly Gates)
- Ray N. Carnation (Reincarnation)
- Rustin Peece (Rest in peace)
- Rusty Gates (Rusty Gates)
- Theo Later (See you later)
- U. R. Gone (You are gone)
- Wee G. Bord (Ouija board)
‘yes but just to prove you’ve been paying attention I’d like you to recite the alphabet first’
So with his best effort the boy replies ‘A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z’
The teacher says ‘very good but what happened to the P?’
‘Well this took so long it’s running down my leg’
(That means I treat them like they’re stupid)
By R.G.Bargee.
It’s F=G(m1m2)/r^2
Male friend of mine, [Elton], is bi, told me about a crush he had on a guy he'd met through wilderness backpacking (relevant), and how he doesn't think he has a chance. Having no other information and an IT guy's policy of checking the obvious things first, I asked the dumb questions, via text.
>Me: So you're sure he's into guys
>Elton: Y E S
>Me: Okay, okay, just getting that straight
>Elton: A N G E R Y
>Me: But yeah, given everything else you've told me, I think you've got a chance
Me: Presuming he also knows the lay of the land
Elton: N O
Elton: S T A H P
I don't know why he keeps coming to me for relationship advice.
Hostess: Hi, how many for you? Dad: 4 please Hostess: Okay, and can I get a name for that? Dad: George Granecki Hostess: Can you spell that for me please? Dad: G-E-O-R-G-E....
The son goes into the kitchen. “Hey mom, what’s the new password?” “I don’t know. Go ask your dad.” The son comes back in the living room. “Dad, mom says to ask you.” He repeats, “Go ask your mother.” This is repeated three more times until the son is totally pissed off and the mom is irritated as well.
Finally, before the son loses it, I take him aside. “Dude, the password is g-o-@-s-k-y-o-u-r-m-0-t-h-e-r.” “Ohhhhhh!”
"Why can't you ask a German how high his sunflower is?" "(oh god) Why?" "Cause he'll say, 'ZIS HIGH! http://emptysuit.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/504842c.jpg'"
I'm thinking of opening a shopping center which specializes in only the stores you can never seem to find when you want them. For instance:
- New Navy
- Half Foods
- Over Armor
- Paper Clips
- 49 Cent Store
- Seniors R Us (really old stuff like antiques)
- Tom & Harry's Sporting Goods
- Pier 99 Exports
- Yankee Light Bulb
- O.M.G. Monday's
- Due Pizza (It's Italian, not Spanish)
- Rhode Island Closets (they are very small)
- Open Space (think about it)
She wanted a cream because her skin was a little too g r e e c y
I saw this on /r/aww and posted it on FB:
http://i.imgur.com/hbiU3wG.jpg
My fiance commented and said "OMG, I want to do that!"
I replied "I suppose I can build you an enclosure, but having you separated from the rest of us might confuse the kids..."
R's son was on the HS fencing team. Now at College. Me: Is B on the fencing team in college? R: No. He competed in only a couple of events his Sr. year in HS. G: So he didn't stick with it. Me: If you don't keep up you get rusty. R: He lost his edge... Me: I get the point
My wife, 2 year old son, and I were traveling this past week and went through a drive thru for lunch. After finishing his meal, my son was trying to figure out what the bag said. Not being able to turn around and see what he is seeing, the following exchange took place.
Wife "Do you know what the letters are on the bag?"
Son "Yes!"
Wife " Tell me what the letters are"
Son "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z!"
Me "Was that his first dad joke?"
Wife "He is definitely your son" and rolled her eyes.
My mom was looking at stuff on Facebook and she says, "She spelled 'Kelly' wrong." To which I replied with "how do you spell Kelly wrong?" My dad looks at me and goes, "K-E-L-L-Y-W-R-O-N-G."
They're G-R-R-R-APE!!!
M-Y-N-A-M-E-I-N-G-R-E-E-K
Son gives me a hurt look and I can't stop laughing. Wife just rolls her eyes at me.
NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...
No-el no-L
Why did A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z all get sent to the principal's office?
Because they were naughty! (Not "E")
Student: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, phosphorus, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.
Teacher: How did you say phosphorus instead of L, M, N, O, and P?
Student: Because phosphorus is EL-EM-EN-TAL P.
I received A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z.
I'm missing the iron E.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Bourgeoisie.
Home A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z
No home o
