Fortunately, Unfortunately Puns

“Hey, there’s no fortune in here” Me: “that’s unfortunate”

My fortune cookie: “your sense of humor will get you through difficult times”.

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.

The king knows this and he knows that only a small portion of his populace can ever hope to become one of the respected elite, let alone hold one of their masterpieces in their own hands. Being a very just and fair man, the king ordered the most senior watchmaker in the land to create something the likes of which had never been seen. A watch of such great craftsmanship so as to be above monetary value. The man labored long and hard for many nights to produce the king's watch. When he at last presented the completed work to his lord - in front of the entire nation, no less - he was met with thunderous applause and a warm embrace. He had done it! The king then made a shocking announcement.

"This masterpiece belongs to my people!"

When the roaring of the crowd died down he continued.

"This watch shall be a symbol of my love for all of you. Though I rule over you with supreme authority I do not wish a single one of you to feel that you do not have a voice in the ruling of this nation. From this day on let anyone who doubts my decisions or questions my judgment wear this watch and stand as my equal to voice their concerns. Should even a single one of you think me unfair or wrong in any matter then simply come to my castle and I will present you this token of good faith."

The king made good on his word and from that day on all citizens knew they held the right to challenge their king's rulings. Over time the watch became a symbol of fairness throughout the land. Anyone who wore it

I was out to lunch with a few colleagues at a local Chinese buffet. The way seating is laid out, we four were seated at a long table with a couple on either end of us. The couple to my left received their fortune cookies and the lady cracked hers open. I heard her disappointment as she told her husband in anguish "There's no fortune in mine! My fortune cookie has no fortune!"

I looked at her and said "Ma'am, that's unfortunate." All my colleagues collectively sighed, and my buddy across the table from me said "You know what scrovak, that was so bad, she gets your cookie now."

The lady was delighted both at the joke and the new cookie.

After I opened a fortune cookie with no fortune inside, my father turned to me and said "Looks like you got an unfortunate cookie."

We we're all finishing our meals and began opening our fortune cookies.

Brother: Hey, my cookie didn't have a fortune in it.

Father: Well that's unfortunate.

Girlfriend opened her fortune cookie Her: there's nothing in here! Me: how... unfortunate.

• Allow => A-meow
• Apology => A-paw-logy
• Appalling => A-paw-ling
• Attitude => Cat-titude
• Awesome => Paw-some / Claw-some
• Awful => Claw-ful / Paw-ful
• Because => Be-claws
• Before => Be-fur
• Bother => Bo-fur
• Catastrophe => Cat-astrophe
• Catastrophic => Cat-astrophic
• Catch => Cat-ch
• Clever => Claw-ver
• Confusing => Con-fur-sing
• Congratulations => Con-cat-ulations
• Different => Dif-fur-rent
• Disappearance => Disa-purr-ance
• Familiar => Fur-miliar
• Feeling => Feline
• For => Fur
• For real => Fur real
• Forever => Fur-ever
• Forget => Fur-get
• Fortunate => Fur-tunate
• Forward => Fur-ward
• Friend => Fur-end
• Furious => Fur-ious
• Further => Fur-ther
• Get or Got => Cat
• Help me out => Help meow-t
• History => Hiss-tory
• Hysterical => Hiss-terical
• Inferior => In-fur-ior
• Kidding me => Kitten me
• Konnichiwa => Konnichi-paw
• Literally => Litter-ally
• Literature => Litter-a-ture
• Lost => Claw-st
• Lying => Lion
• Magnificent => Meow-nificent
• Marvellous => Meow-velous
• Minimum => Mew-nimum
• Misery => Mew-sery
• Moment => Mew-ment
• Mountain => Meow-ntain
• Move => Mew-v
• Music => Mew-sic
• Musician => Meow-sician
• Never => Nev-fur
• New => Mew
• Now => Meow
• Over => Ov-fur
• Paper => Pay-purr
• Pardon me => Paw-don me
• Pause => Paws
• Perfect => Purr-fect
• Perhaps => Purr-haps
• Permission => Purr-mission
• Person => Purr-son
• Personal => Purr-sonal
• Persuasion => Purr-suasion
• Places => Purr-laces
• Please => Paw-lease
• Portable => Paw-table
• Positive => Paw-sitive
• Possibility => Paw-sibility
• Possibly => Paw-sibly
• Precious => Purr-ecious
• Prefer => Paw-fer
• Preposterous => Pre-paw-sterous
• Pretty => Purr-ty
• Priceless => Purr-iceless
• Prince => Purr-ince
• Princess => Purr-incess
• Puns => Purr-ns
• Purpose => Purr-pose
• Referring => Re-fur-ing
• Respond => Res-paw-nd
• Simple => Sim-paw-le
• Suffer => Suf-fur
• Superior => Su-purr-ior
• Tale => Tail
• Talent => Tail-ent
• Tell => Tail
• That’s all => Cat’s all
• Unfortunate => Un-fur-tunate
• Very => Furry
• Whenever => Whene-fur
• Wonderful => Won-fur-ful
• You => Mew
• Apologize => A-paw-logize
• First => Furr-st
• How are you? => Meow are mew?
• Morning => Meowrning
• Phon

her: my fortune cookie doesn't have a fortune in it

me: ohh no, that's unfortunate

We were eating at a Chinese food buffet. A fry stuck to his teriyaki chicken and I said "decided to have fried chicken huh?". Later when he opened a fortune cookie to find it empty I said "how unfortunate for you". He was disgusted with me. I was proud.

She brought home a bag of "Fortune cookie mistakes", where they're all flat or broken. She hands me one and I say, "oh, it doesn't have a fortune!"

She replies, "yeah, it's unfortunate."

I had to give her a high five for that one.

He opened it up and complained, "Hey, there's no fortune in here!" to which I replied, "That's unfortunate."

Twice now, Facebook friends have posted to complain that they just had a fortune cookie that came empty.

I just reply "That's unfortunate!"