I like ten.
It took 4 hours for surgeons to remove Randy's head from his ass.
^#RickRolled
βI was going to make a chemistry joke but I was afraid you wouldnβt react.β
- I hope you understand the amount of trouble youβre in?
- I do Jeff, and please donβt call me urine.
I called it a porch and it was none too pleased.
You will be mist.
They just didn't give a fork...
One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.
His wife answered the door.
"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."
"That much?"
"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.
"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."
Up to that point they had been Legoless
Meow!
that's what I call poetic injustice.
"Hooked on phonics worked for me!"
I think I "invented" this joke when I was around 15, but I'm sure others have as well since it's not too subtle. The key, though, was that I waited for just the right moment to use it for the first time.
I had an ear infection, so I went to the doctor, who took a look and quickly diagnosed it and wrote a prescription and handed it to me.
> Doctor: It's just an ear infection, so 4 drops of this daily should clear it right up.
> Me: [Reading the prescription, and seeing the name of the antibiotic, but I may be wrong about the name, so if anyone knows the right name, please reply.] [Completely seriously.] Oraline? So, I put the drops in my mouth?
> Doctor: [Quizzically.] No, no, no, you put it in your ear!
> Me: Oh, I read the name, and "Oraline" sounds like something you'd take orally.
> Doctor: Nope, in the ear.
> Me: [Remembering my dad joke.] It's a good thing that you didn't prescribe me analgesics.
The doctor had no reaction, just said their deadpan goodbye and left. I've wondered if they didn't get it, didn't think it was funny, or had heard it hundreds of times before.
So we're at my sisters just talking about dreams when my dad pops up, "hey this one night I had this CRAZY dream that I was a tipi, then the next night I had another dream that I was a wigwam. So I went to the doctor's and told him about my dreams and asked him about it and he said I was 'TOO TENSE'" He then proceeded to laugh out loud like this was the absolute most funniest thing he has ever heard as I got up and left the room.
One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.
His wife answered the door.
"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."
"That much?"
"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.
"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."
