A list of puns related to "Flock 1"
"Herd."
"What?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows, there's a flock of them right there!"
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
So, I’m standing outside my office building with my older, wiser coworker, when he points up at a flock of geese flying in a V.
Me: [looks at the geese coworker is pointing to]
Coworker: “you notice how one side of the V is longer than the other?”
Me: “yeah”
Coworker: “do you know why that is?”
Me: “hmm... no”
Coworker: “there’s more birds on that side”
Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.
Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.
Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.
The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.
Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.
Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.
One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.
Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.
“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.
The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.
“Yes of course” replied Trevor
... keep reading on reddit ➡Let's get the flock out of here.
What the flock.
(Because he never gave a flying flock)
After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of their choice, and whoever received the most karma for it would win.
Adam, already undecided himself, decided to go to /r/AskReddit. He laid out the agreement, and asked that everyone vote one their favorite movie, and the one with the most votes he would use for the his friends. Unfortunately, as the votes were split in that sub, his highest post amounted to a mere 38 points.
Paul, a big proponent for the Toy Story franchise, posted to /r/nostalgia in the hopes that everyone who grew up with Toy Story would agree. Unfortunately, as there had been two sequels (with a third on the way) it wasn't exactly considered "nostalgia" and he got downvoted into oblivion.
Bill, who loved Monsters Inc., made his case using some trickery. Going to /r/news, he found a seemingly unrelated post, and made a top-level comment describing, in great detail, why Monsters Inc. was the greatest film of all time. The fact that the post was so out of context made everyone flock to it, and drew enough attention to new him over a thousand fake internet points.
Mike, who loved the Incredibles movies, decided to stay in his wheelhouse. Over the course of several hours, he created each of the family members from the Incredibles in Soulcaliber VI. Finally, he photoshopped the family together, and posted it to /r/gaming. Under normal circumstances this would have skyrocketed to the top, but the format was stale, and thus only received 20k karma. Still, Mike was confident in his victory.
While the other four friends came up with plans on how to maximize their karma gains, Chris sat silently. For hours he sat, making no posts, coming up with no original content. Finally, an hour before the deadline, he broke into his neighbor's house, stealing his copy of the Pixar movie "Up". He took a picture of his theft and posted it directly to /r/dadjokes with the title "STOLEN".
When the group got together the next day to see who got the most votes, everyone was in awe. Chris's post had over 40,000 points. "How did you know that would win?" "Easy," Chris replied. "Everyone knows stolen content on /r/dadjokes gets all the Up votes."
They call themselves Flock of Smeagols
For context we have a pair of Guinea fowl and a pair of pheasants that have a coop in our back yard.
5 year old son, husband and I discussing our birds. Son: So are our birds married? Me: Yes, didn't you get an invitation? Son: No. Maybe there wasn't room in their coop. Husband: I heard the officiant was a cardinal, and the live entertainment was flock of seagulls
Heard of cows, of course I heard of cows. I just pointed out a flock of them.
Dad: “Look kids, it’s a flock of cows!” Kid: “Dad, it’s called a herd of cows.” Dad: “Heard of cows? Of course I have, there’s a whole flock of em right over there!”
Due to a difference in a pinion, a flock of doves attempted to stage an immediate coo by just winging it. So it wasn't surprising that, after creating an add-hawk unit (which many in the bird community considered fowl play), the eagles' military was just too strong and talonted, and the fledgling, emutional uprising subsequently took a tern for the worst.
"Dad, it's not a flock of cows."
"OK, a pride of cows then"
"Not that either, why are you so lame?"
"I dunno, a gaggle of cows?"
"Dad, it's a herd of cows. Herd of cows!"
"Course I've heard of cows. Look at that gaggle over there"
Was much harder work than expected.
He had a flocked nose.
Let's get the flock out of here.
Edit: formatting
A few years ago, my dad decided to take my younger sister, my girlfriend and me to the Philadelphia Zoo. We were just walking in among a crowd of people and my dad noticed there were some construction workers on a roof of one of the buildings in the zoo. Almost immediately, he pointed up to them and said, very loudly, "Hey look! There's a flock of Homo sapiens!" All of the kids and some of the adults in the surrounding area quickly looked up. I even heard one kid ask his mom what a Homo sapien was. My pops was pretty proud of himself for that one.
A coworker of mine has said the same joke around 5 times atthe end of the day.
what did the shepard say to the other sheperd? Get flock out of here.
I responded with what did the soup tell the spoon? Get the fork out of here.
So i am asking you guys for similar jokes to say at the end of the day. Those two jokes over two weeks now have become boring.
EDIT: I somehow JUST saw the Mod Sticky post from last week, where a lot of users have expressed similar sentiments to these. I apologize to the mods if this is not appropriate and respect your decision if you want to delete it. I just wanted to see if people were thinking the same kind of thing. Still, read it if ya like.
It used to be that /r/dadjokes was a place to post actual stories of real dad humor. 'My dad pulled out this groaner at dinner.' 'Just became a dad...I think I get it now!' These are the things that warm my heart and tickle my corny bone. And I don't think I'm alone.
Now, we're arrogant enough to think we know the formula for dad humor, so we can post anything reminiscent of it, and it counts as a dad joke. It's as if we think we own dad humor now, and we can bend it and shape it at will.
Let me tell you, folks. WE DO NOT OWN DAD HUMOR.
Even the dads among us don't own it. I think the universe just channels it through them in brilliant, glorious, involuntary sneezes. Some are more deft than others, and are seen by the universe as more worthy outlets. But they do not own it.
We can get close to elusive heart of dad humor, we can approach it, we can dance around it...but we can never touch it. This is where I take issue with posts like this one, which currently has over 4000 upvotes and 2000 net karma. Is it reminiscent of dad-like punly-ness? Would a dad chortle heartily at reading it? Yes, almost certainly yes. But does that make it a dad joke? No...I would argue not.
Dad jokes are also not just about the jokes themselves. They're about the response--that he manages to be surprised at his own genius, even on the eightieth repetition. They're about the face-palms and straight stares of family members. What is a dad joke without context?
My proposed solution: ban link/image posts. I wish it wouldn't have to come to that, but I can't see another way to get back on track to the real goal here. I have hover zoom--I understand the desire for instant gratification. I've skipped over interesting looking videos because they required a click.
But that's not why I come here.
I understand that there are legitimate dad jokes transmitted via text, or perhaps requiring a bit of visual context. At this point, though, I think they are a necessary sacrifice for a righteous cause. They can always be transcribed into text, or included in a self-post. Maybe it seems a bit extreme, especially in the face
... keep reading on reddit ➡My dad said this last summer. We were in Mexico, and there was huge flocks of birds swarming above us that day. My stepmom was out on our little porch, reading fifty shades of grey. Suddenly she storms in all huffy and goes up to my dad who was in the kitchen.
Dad: What's up with you?
Stepmom: A fucking bird SHAT on my book! Look! (Sure enough, there was.)
My dad, without missing a beat: Well why are you complaining? Now you got an extra shade of grey!
When I came upon a flock of birds in the middle of the road. I expected the birds to all scatter before I hit them, but BAM, one of the birds hit the front of my car, flew over the top, and struck a police officer's car right behind me.
He immediately pulled me over and issued me a citation for flipping him the bird.
My dad and I went galling this morming, and a flock of birds was sitting on the fairway of the third hole as we got to the tee box. I asked him how many strokes we would get off our score if we hit a bird.
As he stepped up to address the ball, he said calmly "It's an automatic birdie."
A flock of terns landed a field of medical marijuana. A vet went out to check on them. He found no tern unstoned.
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
They get baa-ed from the flock.
SHUT THE FLOCK UP!
When I was a wee lad, about 5 or 6 , my dad and I went to the beach on a vacation. I, having never seen the ocean, learned many new things, like how tides work, and how there's seemingly billions of white flying rats that the world calls Seagulls.
Fast forward a few weeks to us being back home in Kansas City, MO where no beaches or seagulls are to be found. My dad and I were running errands and found ourselves at the local Target, where in the parking lot I spotted dozens of white birds that looked eerily similar to the Seagulls I had learned about weeks before.
"Dad, what're those?" I inquired
"Oh, son those are called Parkinglotgulls. Yeah they're close cousins of the seagull!"
And that's how I came to call those white birds that flock around parking lots worldwide "Parkinglotgulls" even to this day.
...the father points at a bunch of cows and says "look, there's a flock of cows!" The kids stare at him and correct him, telling him that it's a herd of cows. The father turns to them and says "of course I've heard of cows, there's a whole flock of them over there!"
Dad: there used to be a flock of buffalo here
Me: a herd of buffalo
Dad: yes I've herd of buffalo too
After my dad sees me looking in wonder at the flock of geese flying in a V shape overhead. I was 8...
Dad: "Do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other?"
Me: "No, why!?"
Dad: with a huge grin "Because there are more birds on that side!"
I still use this and I'm 20
Dad: "You know what the shepherds always say! 'Let's get the flock out of here!'"
Every time.
My dad and I were out in the yard one day in the fall, a flock of geese fly over.
Dad: You see that flock of geese up there?
Me: Ya
Dad: You ever notice....(pause for effect).... that they fly in that....(long pause)... V-Shape?
Me: Ya
Dad:You ever notice.....(long pause for dramatic effect)... that one line.....(pause while pointing at the flock)..... is almost always longer than the other?
Me:Ya
Dad: (Long pause, he has got me now) Do you know why that is?
Me: No
Dad: (Cracking a smile) Because there are more geese in that line.
Look at that flock of cows over there
Herd of cows
Of course I've heard of cows theres a flock of them right over there.
My friend said "a herd of cows" "of course I've heard of cows, look there's a flock of them over there!" I never saw those men again...
"Herd' of cows, Dad."
"Of course I've heard of cows. Look, there's a whole flock!"
Riding in a car
Dad- "hey look over there it's a flock of cows"
Kid- "you mean herd of cows"
Dad- "yeah I've heard of cows, there's a flock over there!"
Lizzy: Herd of cows, dad.
Dad: Herd of 'em? There's a whole flock over there!
Me: Oh, look! A flock of cows.
Daughter: HERD of cows!
Me: Of course I've heard of them, there's a flock right there!
A flock of cows! Herd of cows dad. Course I have herd of them! There's a flock of them right over there!
"Look son a flock of cows"
"No, it's a herd of cows"
"Course I've heard of cows, there's a flock of them right there"
Let's get the flock outta here.
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