What do you call a French man wearing flip flops?

Phillipe Phollope.

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πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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Why don't cows wear flip-flops?

They lactose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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Flip flops are fun. Every time you take a step....

....it's like a high five for your foot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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i once attended a black-tie affair in flip-flops

it was quite the sandal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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My wife yelled, β€œHey, the sun’s coming out!” So I wore my shorts and flip flops and came downstairs.

Found my son holding hand with his boyfriend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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Why don't cows wear flip flops?

They lactose.

Edit test.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/derawin07
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
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What kind of chips wear flip-flops?

Free-toes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lzink2244
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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I was walking backwards in flip flops

And they went pilf spolf.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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Lost a flip flop once ...

Went to replace it and was told they are only sold in pairs ... I've bought hundreds of those damn fruits and have yet to get my other flip flop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theb1zzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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why can't cows wear flip-flops?

because they lactose

(they lack toes. because they have hooves) (get it??)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagemayor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2016
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My wife texted me, saying my puppy ate one of my flip flops...

Guess I'll just have to flip hop when I get home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunstoned1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
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My girlfriend just beat an ant to death with her flip flop.

It was a summery execution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrossSA
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2015
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Man with 2 left feet goes into a shoe store and asks....

"Do you sell flop flops?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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A woman with two left feet walks into a shoe store

She asks the manager, "excuse me, do you have any flop-flops?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bowmbaclott
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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I've invented a sandal for one legged people...

It was a flop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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What's the most indecisive shoe?

The flip-flop.

(Technically a mom joke as this is my lovely wife's creation)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorMasterBates
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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I went to the local petrol station

There was nothing coming out of the nozzle. I walked to the kiosk and i said, have you got your pumps on? He said, no, I'm wearing flip-flops

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πŸ‘€︎ u/northernsou
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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My 8 year old brother made this one: How does the fish cross the road?

It wears flip FLOPS!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditSinn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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What shoe can’t make up its mind?

Flip flops.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AbortedMunk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope

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πŸ‘€︎ u/outofoffice247
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
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Wife told me to say something if I stopped to look at stuff while shopping.

β€œSomething!”, I yelled at her. Warning: use at your own risk. I was smacked with a flip flop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kranolta-Killer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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I’m at a shoe store, but I can’t decide what shoes I want.

I just keep flip-flopping!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Death_Muffins
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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What do indecisive people wear?

Flip flops

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zanman28
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
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Hillary CLinton is getting ready for the summer

she loves flip flop season

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hbsquatch
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2016
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My Dad's signature longform joke

My Dad loves to tell this joke when he meets new people. When he met my fiance, I led him into it and he took the bait seamlessly.

"I went out to check my mail and saw my neighbor mowing his lawn. As I was going back inside, I heard the mower mess up and him screaming. I ran over and saw he had run over his foot. It was terrible, he had been wearing flip flops. His big toe was cut off and his foot was very bloody. I immediately called 911, then yelled for my wife to help. I used my shirt to wrap up his bloody foot up and saw that his big toe was lying a few feet away in the grass clippings. I told my wife to bring me our cooler with an ice pack, then I put the toe in the cooler. A few minutes later the ambulance arrived, and they rushed him off to the hospital. I was quite relieved but as I turned to go back inside, I realized the EMTs forgot the cooler."

At this point he pauses for a long time, and the listener invariably cries, "What did you do!?"

He takes a moment, and calmly responds, 'Well, I called a tow truck!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/budgeroo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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My boyfriend used my character to make a joke

I have a healer and I'm grinding for gear right now. Me: "I'm thinking about grinding for the flip flops." Boyfriend: "There are flip flops?" Me: "Yea dude." Boyfriend: "If you get the flip flops they'll show off your heals."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CowJuicey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2017
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Old shoes

I have about 6 pairs of shoes in total (including dress shoes and flip flops).

My fiancee absolutely hates my old flip flops and old adidas samba, and conversely I love those two in particular. She has, on more than one occasion, threatened to junk them, to which I replied that she would become single.

Yesterday, our golden retriever puppy found and made short work of my flops and one adidas. My fiancee watched as I sadly marched the two pairs to the bin, but she didn't know the amount of dad she was about to face.

I dropped them in the bin, looked up at her, and said "well, they had a good run."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/strykr316
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2016
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So there are these twins in my calculus class...

So in my calculus class last year in math, there were these two Chinese twins. Ving, and Ling. Ving was always super cool with me. In exchange for answers (he was super smart) I would hang out with him and be his friend and stuff. After I cheated off of him and studied with him though, I did get to be his friend and we got very close.

His sister, Ling, was always uptight about school and she made sure to study, she got stressed about a B, etc. One day I was hanging out with Ving, and we started talking about names. He went off on this huge rant about how he hated his, and how he wanted to change it to something more Asian-American, like Lee. I told him that the Courthouse downtown had a form that you could fill to legally change it. He told me: "I always give you answers. If you could just drive me down to the courthouse this one time, I will never forget you. I just hate this god-forsaken Chinese name and I want to get rid of it forever."

He seemed pretty adamant about it, so I decided the best decision would be to take him. We walked out to my car, and right as I put the keys in the ignition Ling came running and tapped on the car door like a madman. I rolled it down and she started freaking out about how Ving's name had been passed down through generations and generations, but Ving didn't care. He just wanted to go down to the Courthouse and get it over with.

Ling figured that coming with would be the best idea, so if anything else came up that she would be needed for, she would be there for Ving. Honestly, I felt stuck in the middle of a family feud, so I just took her along. When we got to the Courthouse, Ving confidently walked up to the front desk and asked the receptionist if he could change his name. She gave him a little packet of paper and told him to sit down. Ling and I waited patiently while Ving filled out his info. I was watching him fill it out and I noticed he really did want to change his name to Lee.

Before he finished, though, he started tearing up. He told me he couldn't change his name. He asked the lady at the front that he couldn't do it, and she told him he would need twenty dollars to cancel the request. Ling was so relieved and happy that he changed his mind, she dug through her purse, found the money, and started to hand it to the receptionist.

It was at this moment that the most stereotypical Asian man burst through the doors. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, a visor, American flag shorts, flip flops, everything. This

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unknown_name
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
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Got my wife good :-D

A little context. We have 2 dogs... it's warm... they shed... ALOT. My wife picked up her flip flops and they were covered in dog fur. She shook them off and a cloud of fur wafted through the kitchen.

Wife: Ya know what doesn't shed?

Me: What?

Wife: Fish. Fish don't shed. But they don't cuddle either.

Me: You could get a cuttlefish!

Her eyes rolled so far into the back of her head she was looking down

Wife: Okay that one should go on reddit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emosongs2cut2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2014
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On baseball teams

My grandpa saw my cousin wearing a White Sox t-shirt (from his little league team) and flip-flops.

"White Sox? It doesn't look like you're wearing any socks!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaluthir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2013
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Why don't cows wear flip flops?

They lactose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Antisceptic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
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A man with 2 left feet walks into a shoe store and asks...

"Do you sell flip flips?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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