Grandpa went quiet after seeing my daughter for the first time
I asked him if he’s okay. He said, “Yeah, I’m great!”
First time posting here, please be lentil.
Today, my wife apologized to me for the first time ever. She said...
...she’s sorry she ever married me.
What did Sneezy say to Snow White the first time he met her?
Wow, you’re so pretty! I can’t stop looking ACHOO
Everyone hates the taste of Fungus when they have it for the first time.
But believe me, it grows on you.
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."
What was it called the very first time a mathematician solved 1/cosecant(x)
I remember the first time I had sex...
What did the kid say when he saw a gigantic concrete structure block a river for the first time?
I tried roasted lamb for the first time
Cow #1: Remember the first time we were milked by the farmer?
Cow #2: This brings back mammaries.
An old woman flew overseas for the first time.
She said it was an uplifting experience
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
Had a German sausage for the first time today,
I finally watched Dirty Dancing for the first time.
I had the time of my life.
When I was leaving home for the first time, my dad said to me, "Don't forget to write."
I thought, "That's unlikely. It's a basic skill, isn't it ?"
So I ate some frog legs for the first time tonight
They were pretty good. Only problem is, I now have a frog in my throat!
My first time on an elevator was very uplifting
The first time I saw her, at her honey stall at the farmers market, I knew right away...
First last time I made a kichen counter it was too small
Sinds then I have started to take countermeasures to avoid that
Edit: ignore the "last" I messed it up...
Saw an escalator for the first time today...
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...
My first time posting on my cake day!
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Poleish
Merry Christmas!!!
I tried Yoga for the first time...
I'd say I enjoyed it, but that would be a stretch.
The second time Hansel and Gretel found a house made of cookies and candy, they sent someone else in to test-nibble it first.
This technique became known as Munch Housen by Proxy.
I remember the first time I used a dictionary...
It was a defining moment in my life.
I recently watched "Nosferatu" for the first time. Interesting. Now, I'm checking out "Nosfera 2: New Berlin-ings".
If a vegetarian eats non vegetarian food for first time, he would be loosing his vegenity.
What did han solo say after he tasted wookiee for the first time?
Not bad but a little chewie
i remember the first time i got stabbed with a balisong
i had butterflies in my stomach
I tried finger food for the first time
Luckily I only used five so I could still hold it
Why did Chewbacca crash the Millennium Falcon the first time he flew it
My dad made his first dad joke in a long time
For context: we have a vegetable garden and a dog named Max
During dinner, my mom remarked how her stir fry was made almost entirely out of vegetables from our garden except the eggs, to which my dad said “well then we’ll just have to raise some chickens.”
I reply, “well what about Max?”, implying that he might attack the chickens.
And without hesitation my dad replies, “well he can’t lay eggs”
I tried street tacos for the first time and man they were awful
They tasted like asphalt!
What did Baby Yoda say the first time he watched The Mandalorian on a high-def screen?
Not HDMI, because Baby Yoda can't speak.
My first time doing puns in real life. Ik it's horrible
So today, I had a conversation with my friend while walking home from school. At one point my lace untied and he pointed that out to me while we were walking past a 7eleven. I am horrible at making puns so forgive me. I shall call him J
J: You u should tie up your shoes
Me(pointing to the lays packet in the store): I can't be bothered tying my shoe-lays
J: You should stop spread them all around the "play-se" (place)
Me: Well maybe you should stop lay-zing around and actually study(he couldn't reply to that cuz all he does is lay-ing around aimlessly. Haha! See what I did there!)
Conversation deviates
Me: come follow me to Cheers let's look for a giftcard
J: nah
Me: get your lay-z ass over to cheers u ungrateful bitch! u make my life lays miserables
I had to choose between three cats. The first was super affectionate, like a dog. The second prefers to be alone all the time. I picked the third, whose personality is somewhere in between.
I named him Meat Loaf because he would do anything for love, but he won’t do that.
First time I’ve seen a real bobcat in the wild.
The first time I used an elevator, it was kinda uplifting
I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control, I thought to myself,
The first time I seen my Wife was at the local Zoo. Our eyes met..
..and I knew She was a Keeper.
One time my friends really wanted me to join them for a fishing excursion. I didn't want to at first but eventually joined them...
I am afraid that I succumbed to pier pressure.
When I turned 16, my dad told me it was time to get a job. “When I was your age, my very first job I had I worked with over 500 people under me.”...
“Wow!” I said. “Was it some big corporation?”
“No.” He replied, “I mowed the lawn in the cemetery.”
An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.
This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.
Joke by Terry Pratchett, ‘The Colour of Magic’, Prologue.
It was my first time to see Rihanna
It happened on a rainy day so one thing led to another and she ended up under my umbrella
We went to a new market today for the first time. Dad was very impressed.
He said, “You’re telling me a flea runs this market?!”
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
This was my first time baking a cake for my son
Chewbacca crashed the Millenium Falcon the first time he flew it.
The first time i used an elevator it was an uplifting experience
But the second time it let me down
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