Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is?
In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
Every machine in the coin factory broke down all of a sudden without explanation.
It just doesn’t make any cents.
The benefits of beer listed in bullet pints:
🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.
🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.
🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.
🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.
🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.
🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.
🍺 Beer may help improve memory.
🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.
I was thinking of the benefits of moving to Switzerland
I like talking to my kids about the benefits of dried grapes.
It's all about raisin awareness.
A midget was in my office applying for a job. He humbly noted all the benefits of his stature regarding the job.
I still think he was selling himself short.
I've spent all morning trying to think of a quality pun, just to come up with THIS otter rubbish.
My Son Ate a Bunch of Scrabble Tiles. My Wife is Scared but I'm not...
He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.
Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $3.00
Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:
Riceless
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
The real benefit to cheesemaking isn’t the cheese itself
It’s the friends you make along the whey.
Today on a walk my son was asking about a bunch of plants and stuff, he pointed to one and I said it was a fungi.
Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"
I did not know.
So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"
So proud.
My wife told me to pick up 8 cans of soda on my way home from work
She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
Always part of a classical dish
Did you know a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence?
For example
- I ate my friend's lunch
- I ate my friend's colon
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.
A conversation I had on a dating app. For context, her instagram is mainly pictures of chairs and her name rhymes with chair.
Did you hear about the benefit hockey game for leprosy?
There was a face off in the corner.
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
What kind of tree comes from your mouth?
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
I try to tell everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes....
It's all about raisin awareness
The one and only acceptable way of advertising
Scientist have actually discovered a feline-like life-form on Mars! But unfortunately, one of their rovers ran over it, and
Curiosity killed the cat :(
I’m sorry aboot these. Please don’t kick me out of this sub or shoe me away....
What kind of pet do you step on?
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up, man. It could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
I know he means well.
Edit: Wow. Thanks for the awards, kind Reddit strangers!
Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
What do you call 2000 pounds of bones?
The CEO of IKEA was just selected as the Prime Minister of Sweden
He’s assembling his cabinet.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?
“Orion’s Belt is a big waist of space.”
Terrible joke, only three stars.
What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane?
Water. Butane is a lighter fluid
Does anyone know any good sword fighting puns ? I'm trying to think of any words that have..
DAD JOKES ARE NOT DIRTY.
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
My dad asked me if I had heard of Murphy's Law
I said "Yes, dad. If something can go wrong, it will go wrong".
He then asked me if I had heard of Coles Law
"No, dad. What is that one"?
He says, "thinly sliced cabbage".
My Daughter says to me at dinner " Hey Dad, your glass is empty, would you like another one of those ? "
..why would I want two empty glasses..!?
What is the opposite of isolate?
In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d just like to say,
“thank you for your cervix.”
My friend made a lot of money selling viagra
I told him to keep it up!
My wife has accused me of stealing her Thesaurus....
Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.
Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is?
In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation.
It doesn’t make any cents.
The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, without explanation.
It doesn't make any cents!
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
