Ex Boyfriend Puns

Some guys are just bad mother fuckers.

My mom teased my dad by calling him gay. This is how my Dad retaliated.

Dad: your ex boyfriend was hot .

Mom: which one?

Dad: Me

I was half asleep in the passenger seat of my Dad's car while one a road trip. Suddenly my dad wakes me up.

Dad: "Heeeeey!" Me: "What? What?" Dad: points out window at a field of hay bales

I laughed way too hard at that.

So my coworkers and I were sitting around and chatting, and someone brings up how her ex boyfriend always wanted this $90 wok. So she bought it for him for Christmas or something and he never uses it. After everyone gets done with their "What a dick" comments, I chime in with "I guess you could say he talked the talk, but didn't wok the wok" Groans and highfives all around.

Here are two of my dad's funniest (most memorable) moments while out to eat...

About five years ago, my ex-boyfriend and I went out for Valentine's Day with my parents. My mom and I were having a conversation about my brother's ex-fiancee when...

Ex: "Oh, so you guys don't like her?"

Dad: "No, but that's alright, we don't really like [K's] boyfriend all that much either."

Needless to say, it wasn't as funny at the time...

Then about a few months ago, with my current boyfriend, we went out to eat with some family friends. At the time, my boyfriend was employed at an A/C company doing Chinese drywall and was talking with two of the men employed in other construction trades.

Family Friend: "Don't get involved in concrete. Or Construction. Better yet, stay out of anything that begins with a C."

Dad (from the other side of the table): "You better stay out of anything that starts with a K, too."

It's even more ironic considering I happen to have one of those names that's commonly spelled with a C, but my parents decided to spell with a K. But as mortified as my boyfriend was, I have to give it to my dad, that one was pretty damn funny.

She and I were sitting on the couch together and he was in the kitchen right behind us. My ex said something to the effect of "Ugh, I'm bored."

To which he responded, "How can you be bored!? You've got the love of your life right here...and your boyfriend too."

My husband and I were discussing some of my ex-boyfriends, and he noticed that I only went out with mopey guys. So he said, "I know what your favorite book is... Mopey Dick." I laughed way harder than I should have.