What an athlete! Info
OK, this is going to be a really huge undertaking. And yes, sometimes the numbers just don't do certain events justice as to how close, lopsided, or controversial an event really was, but it does give us a bit of a benchmark.
Without further ado, here we go:
Aquatics
- Diving
- Men's 3m springboard (Cao Yuan over Jack Laugher): 23.75 pts
- Men's 10m platform (Chen Aisen over Germán Sánchez): 52.60 pts
- Men's synchronized 3m springboard (Chris Mears and Jack Laugher over Sam Dorman and Michael Hixon): 4.11 pts
- Men's synchronized 10m platform (Chen Aisen and Lin Yue over David Boudia and Steele Johnson): 39.87 pts
- Women's 3m springboard (Shi Tingmao over He Zi): 18.15 pts
- Women's 10m platform (Ren Qian over Si Yaije): 19.85 pts
- Women's synchronized 3m springboard (Shi Tingmao and Wu Minxia over Tania Cagnotto and Francesca Dallapé): 31.77 pts
- Women's synchronized 10m platform (Chen Ruolin and Liu Huixia over Cheong Jun Hoong and Pandelela Rinong): 9.66 pts
- Swimming
- Men's 50m freestyle (Anthony Ervin over Florent Manaudou): 0.01 s
- Men's 100m freestyle (Kyle Chalmers over Pieter Timmers): 0.22 s
- Men's 200m freestyle (Sun Yang over Chad le Clos): 0.55 s
- Men's 400m freestyle (Mack Horton over Sun Yang): 0.13 s
- Men's 1500m freestyle (Gregorio Paltrinieri over Connor Jaeger): 4.91 s
- Men's 100m backstroke (Ryan Murphy Xu Jiayu): 0.34 s
- Men's 200m backstroke (Ryan Murphy over Mitch Larkin): 0.34 s
- Men's 100m breaststroke (Adam Peaty over Cameron van der Burgh): 1.56 s
- Men's 200m breaststroke (Dmitriy Balandin over Josh Prenot): 0.07 s
- Men's 100m butterfly (Joseph Schooling over Michael Phelps, Chad le Clos, and László Cseh): 0.75 s
- Men's 200m butterfly (Michael Phelps over Masato Sakai): 0.04 s
- Men's 200m individual medley (Michael Phelps over Kosuke Higano): 1.95 s
- Men's 400m individual medley (Kosuke Higano over Chase Kalisz): 0.70 s
- Men's 4x100m freestyle relay (United States over France): 0.61 s
- Men's 4x200m freestyle relay (United States over Great Britain): 2.47 s
- Men's 4x100m medley relay (United States over Great Britain): 1.29 s
- Men's 10km open water (Ferry Weertman over Spyridon Gianniotis): 0.00s (photo finish)
- Women's 50m freestyle (Pernille Blume over Simone Manuel): 0.02s
- Women's 100m freestyle* (Penny Oleksiak and Simone Manuel over Sarah Sjöström): 0.29s
- *Dead heat, so calculated difference betwe
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
I would have a daughter
But Bill kept the Windows
True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."
I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"
He responds, "it's dead grass."
I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"
.
.
.
He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.
You officially hit rock bottom
And then you will all be sorry.
Now it’s syncing.
He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"
I will find you. You have my Word.
She said how do you know he was headed to work?
“thank you for your cervix.”
...sails are going through the roof.
Made me smile
Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...
A taxi
But now I stand corrected.
Wait. Sorry, wrong sub.
Wookie mistake.
Theoretical Fizz-ics
Because you can’t ‘C’ in the dark
I said, “That makes two of us.”
