I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Hey all, cider is a pretty easy beverage to make, but I see a lot of issues people run into on reddit and other forums. I've been making cider for quite a few years and work in the Washington apple industry. These are some things I've learned that I wish someone would have told me earlier on, some mistakes I've learned from and overcame, and tips to improving your cider:
1: sweat your apples. I could write paragraphs on this, but I implore you to research yourself if your curious. You don't want hard, crisp apples for hard cider, you want them soft and almost mushy but before they rot. Apples are harvested depending on variety at various starch to sugar conversion ratios, unless it was grown specifically for cider and allowed to overripen on the tree. This is rare because storage time is basically nonexistant at this point. You can test your apples starch to sugar ratio at home with an iodine kit, or base it off softness as it ages. If you want to bump your sugar levels up and not add sugar/honey/whatever people add to their cider nowadays, I encourage you to do it. Depending on if it's an early season apple or a late season apple this process can take anywhere from 14 days to 3 months at room temp. To give an example of how much of an improvement this can be, I've bumped Newtown Pippin gravity levels from 1.055 OG at "optimal" harvest time to 1.068 OG after sweated.
2: Macerate, you can use pectic enzyme to do this as well, but allowing your ground up mash to oxygenate (turn brown) will quickly increase your juice yields, especially if you're using a cheap press that doesn't get good juice returns. Adding enzymes speeds this up but I would still recommend doing it for 4 or so hours. The French and English do it for a few days, but I think thats pretty excessive.
3: Use the right apples. Seriously, stop using tree top apple juice. That stuff is awful. There is a reason people dump sugar into it to make it tasteful after its fermented. If you don't have access to true "cider" apples, look for Winesap, Newtown Pippin, Arkansas Black, Northern Spy, Gravenstein, etc. Blends of tart apples are way better than "sweets". Honeycrisp, fuji, ambrosia, goldens, reds, and the rest of the common storeboughts are terrible apples for cider unless blended to hell, and despite being sweet and crisp very few contribute a ton of sugar to a blend. If you're looking for high ABV cider apples, blend in crab apples or hunt down some golden russets, ashmeads kernel, or roxbury
... keep reading on reddit ➡Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
HOW I GOT ONTO the platform I’m unable to say. Perhaps the Canadian transferred me there. But I could breathe, I could inhale the life-giving sea air. Next to me my two companions were getting tipsy on the fresh oxygen particles. Poor souls who have suffered from long starvation mustn’t pounce heedlessly on the first food given them. We, on the other hand, didn’t have to practice such moderation: we could suck the atoms from the air by the lungful, and it was the breeze, the breeze itself, that poured into us this luxurious intoxication!
“Ahhh!” Conseil was putting in. “What fine oxygen! Let master have no fears about breathing. There’s enough for everyone.”
As for Ned Land, he didn’t say a word, but his wide-open jaws would have scared off a shark. And what powerful inhalations! The Canadian “drew” like a furnace going full blast.
Our strength returned promptly, and when I looked around, I saw that we were alone on the platform. No crewmen. Not even Captain Nemo. Those strange seamen on the Nautilus were content with the oxygen circulating inside. Not one of them had come up to enjoy the open air.
The first words I pronounced were words of appreciation and gratitude to my two companions. Ned and Conseil had kept me alive during the final hours of our long death throes. But no expression of thanks could repay them fully for such devotion.
“Good lord, professor,” Ned Land answered me, “don’t mention it! What did we do that’s so praiseworthy? Not a thing. It was a question of simple arithmetic. Your life is worth more than ours. So we had to save it.”
“No, Ned,” I replied, “it isn’t worth more. Nobody could be better than a kind and generous man like yourself!”
“All right, all right!” the Canadian repeated in embarrassment.
“And you, my gallant Conseil, you suffered a great deal.”
“Not too much, to be candid with master. I was lacking a few throatfuls of air, but I would have gotten by. Besides, when I saw master fainting, it left me without the slightest desire to breathe. It took my breath away, in a manner of . . .”
Confounded by this lapse into banality, Conseil left his sentence hanging.
“My friends,” I replied, very moved, “we’re bound to each other forever, and I’m deeply indebted to you—”
“Which I’ll take advantage of,” the Canadian shot back.
“Eh?” Conseil put in.
“Yes,” Ned Land went on. “You can repay your debt by coming with me when I leave this infernal Nautilus.”
“By the way,” Conseil said, “are we going in a favorable direction?
... keep reading on reddit ➡Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
At work, I have a workstation.
edit: cheers u/cheer_up_richard
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
Wows
I’ll show myself out
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
