Some people told their dad that Dora has a visual impairment and that Boots and the viewers were her eyes. Then the father bought them Dora-themed gifts for Christmas.
And then someone commented "They must've thought you were a-Dora-ble.
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︎ Feb 10 2021
Apple to Release New Software Update for the Visually Impaired: iPatch
>i'm ^sorry ^^i'll ^^^show ^^^^myself ^^^^^out
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︎ Sep 25 2017
I went shopping for my sonβs back to school clothes. We went over the list when I got back home.
Shirts? Yup.
Pants? Yup.
Sweatpants? Yup.
Nikes? CHECK!
Edit: Grammar
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︎ Oct 30 2020
Why did the man get sent back to his home country for following his high school girlfriends life rules?
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︎ Oct 16 2020
Given that a case of the sniffles means staying home from school, we give my daughter a daily allergy medicine. My wife was giving her breakfast before school, and when I walked out, I asked if sheβd had her medicine yet.
My daughter said yes, and I replied, βSo youβre de-Claritin that youβve had it already?β
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︎ Jan 17 2021
After all this home schooling, my kid finally lost control
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︎ Jan 28 2021
He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
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︎ May 07 2021
Just wondering, do you think it's alright for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school..
..or am I just a terrible Teacher ?
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︎ Apr 15 2021
I bought a record at the charity shop the other day, "Sounds That Wasps Make". I took it home and it sounded nothing like Wasps.
That's when I realised I was playing the Bee side.
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︎ May 03 2021
Hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only items #1, 3, & 5 were done.
Turns out, he only does odd jobs.
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︎ Feb 26 2021
Schools today are serious about keeping sickness away. They even sent the espresso home today.
Because it was a little coffee.
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︎ Jan 06 2021
My 11 y.o. son getting ready for school: Why do you always keep your snowman happy?
So he doesn't have a meltdown.
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︎ May 06 2021
Whatβs the difference between in-laws & out-laws?
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︎ Apr 28 2021
This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father.
His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get?
He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.
His father congratulated him. And then he said βThatβs good son, maybe next time youβll get a talking role!β
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︎ Oct 08 2020
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
Sheβs now my quaranteen.
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︎ Nov 05 2020
A high school girl was on her way home from a party, got knockout drunk, and shat on herself and all over her friends.
She was a real party pooper
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︎ Mar 11 2021
I remember when I left home for the first time, my mum said to me, "Don't forget to write!"
I thought to myself, 'That's unlikely,Its a basic skill, why should I?"
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︎ Apr 27 2021
Why did Eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?
π︎ 9k
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︎ Mar 21 2021
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies. "
I replied, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids."
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︎ Feb 01 2021
Got drunk yesterday and puked in the elevator on my way back home.
It was disgusting on so many levels.
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︎ Apr 29 2021
My kids came out of school and told my partner they have made cards for her for Mother's Day. I asked for a card, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
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︎ Mar 12 2021
My daughter claims her school is huanted and wanted to call the ghost busters.
I told her to call the cheerleading squad instead. Figured they might know the school spirit.
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︎ May 13 2021
I was walking home from work, talking to my husband on the phone. He asked me where I was. I said I passed a garden full of gnomes. He said he knew the one I was talking about.
I said "So it's a well gnome garden".
I laughed harder than he did.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school?
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︎ Apr 08 2021
I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
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︎ Apr 30 2021
This joke for my 7yo in home schooling
What sort of lion is good at maths?
A number lion.
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︎ Aug 25 2020
I suggested my son wear a hi-hat for hat day at school but he said no.
Apparently he's not into cymbalism.
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︎ Mar 25 2021
My school gym has a certain area set aside for people who like to be in the thick of things...
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︎ Mar 03 2021
While shopping for school supplies I came across a pen that can write underwater.
It can write other words as well.
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︎ Apr 04 2021
I realised I was the poor kid at school...
....when I was the only one who turned up to band practice with a shoe horn.
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︎ Apr 30 2021
Having been stuck at home for quarantine, my wife started having this recurring nightmare that our house is made of celery.
Doctors are calling it Stalk Home syndrome.
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︎ May 03 2021
βMy fifth grade teacher started the first day of school by expressing her doubts and apprehension for the year ahead.β
βOh, thatβs awful. Who was that?β
βMiss Givings.β
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︎ Mar 03 2021
My dad was ready to roll in on the jokes when coming to pick me up after school in his "DIY self-driving" car. Everyone knows though...
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︎ May 14 2021
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasnβt happy at all. βHow much have you had to drink?β she asked sternly, staring at me. βNothingβ I slurred. βLook at me!β she shouted. βItβs either me or the pub, which one is it?β
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, βItβs you. I can tell by the voice.β
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︎ Dec 27 2020
Did you hear about the man you set up a shark fishing school in Australia?
It cost him an arm and a leg...
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︎ Apr 21 2021
american schools are some of the only places you can have first hand experiences with Quadrilaterals and quad-collaterals
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︎ Apr 20 2021
What's the most dangerous class in school?
Music Class. Too much violins.
My boyfriend actually came up with it this morning and I'm having a hard time believing it hasn't been said before. I tried looking it up in this subreddit and google and haven't found anything yet lol.
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︎ Apr 20 2021
Old school 90βs Ravers arenβt worried about the gas shortage.
Theyβre used to running on E.
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︎ May 13 2021
A press conference was held with the lead of the school's administration about bullying
He said it has to be stopped, it's a matter of principal
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︎ Apr 15 2021
Just got an epic eye roll for this: My son was showing me his school work from math, where he was learning fractions. I pointed to where he wrote his name on a line at the top and asked what that fraction was.
I told him it should be {Sons Name} / Mommy. Since he came from her.
Then I said he could reduce that fraction further since he came from his mommy, that fraction would equal....
One Whole
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︎ Feb 20 2021
Keeping tropical fish at home can have a calming effect on the brain
Due to all the indoor fins
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︎ Apr 22 2021
My best friend gave me this today because I'm obsessed with pigs & it is the best card I've ever gotten.
reddit.com/gallery/lkaalp
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︎ Feb 15 2021
A funeral home got busted for raffling dead bodies off to med schools.
Police said it was a dead giveaway.
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︎ Feb 27 2020
Did you hear about the fish that fell asleep in school?
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︎ Apr 24 2021
I was in a food fight at school & accidentally hit the principal with a stale cafeteria bun...
...the jerk had me charged; assault with a breadly weapon.
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︎ Sep 18 2020
When I was in elementary school, I learned that "when two vowels go walking, the first one does the talking".
I think that rule is graet.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
I went to astronaut school but flunked the zero-gravitas test.
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︎ Apr 11 2021
Iβm at home depot where the hoes at???
Employee: βThe gardening section, sir.β
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︎ May 08 2021
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the local school?
It's fine now, he woke up.
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︎ May 13 2021
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