Me: Son, that Scarecrow over there is the best you can get. Son: How do you know that?

Me: Because he’s out standing in his field.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cigarandcreamsoda
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2021
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Why Do Seagulls Fly Over The Sea?

Because If They Flew Over The Bay They Would Be Bagels...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Gingafer81
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 06 2021
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What do you see when a duck bends over?

A butt quack.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/notmyrealname336
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 05 2021
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What do you call a cow stepping over a barbed wire fence?

Udder destruction.

My Dad a actually told me this one.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Wildjosh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2021
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Barbie and Ken are continually arguing over who will empty the dishwasher. One day, Ken says "Barbie, I've unloaded the dishwasher every day this week.. can you PLEASE do it just this once?"

..."No, Ken do"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/canadaddy-o
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 14 2021
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GF- β€œWhy do we need walkie-talkies? Our relationship is over.”

BF- β€œ Our relationship is what? Over.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/syniss
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12 2020
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What do you call a tipped over cow?

Ground beef

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/smolprincess928
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2021
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What do you call a scandal concerning a rich engineer where the list of accusations only gets longer and longer over time?

Elongate

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Thatyougoon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24 2021
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My neighbor just asked what I do with β€œleft over” bacon.

I consider myself a bacon connoisseur but I’ve never heard of that kind before, can anyone help me out on this?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Frindwamp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09 2021
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How do you smuggle a cat over the border.

You launch it over with a Cat-apult

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bagabus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 02 2021
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The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 28 2020
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What do you call it when you feel like your hearing the same song over and over again

DJ vu

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KrazyKoen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
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Why do most people prefer Englishmuffins over French ones?

The french ones give you the runs

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tiddleyjuggs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 22 2021
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When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.

Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/levitron
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2020
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Those Duke boys sure do like to jump their car over things...

... General Lee speaking.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/djxiii
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13 2020
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What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?

Rag time

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/drfantabulo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 30 2020
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This has been a crazy year. After everything that has happened though do you want to know the one thing that I can’t get over ?

An 8 foot wall.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 03 2020
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What do you call Batman and Robin after getting run over by a car?

Flatman and Ribbon.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Boy_Noodlez
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 10 2020
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One night I got pulled over. The cop walked up to my window and said β€œdo you have a police record, sir?” I said:

Roxanne...

Edit-spelling

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Das_Kommandant
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 03 2020
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"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"

"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2019
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What do you call a junkie who got run over?

A crackhead

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dullbrowny
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2020
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What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?

A trophy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 143
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2020
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Every time i drive over a railroad crossing I say there's been a train through here recently do you know how I can tell?

It left it's tracks!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2020
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Why do the words on the front cover of a book lord it over the words on the back cover so much?

They have a strong sense of entitlement.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/timoteostewart
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 26 2020
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I keep hearing Mission Control check in with Dragon Crew, asking "How do you read, over."

And I just KNOW if I were up there I would be physically unable to keep myself from responding "Dragon to Mission Control, I read with my eyes, over." I wonder how many times before they airlock me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/H_G_Bells
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2020
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The waitress came over and saw my leftovers and asked, "do ya wanna box for that?"

I responded with, "no, but we can arm wrestle any day."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 976
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ajjanialthor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 16 2019
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Why do waiters like people who fall over gracefully?

Because they tip well

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LMB2001
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2020
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Do you know what is over powered?

OP

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/elt0khy69
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bird that flies over the bay?

What do you call a bird that flies over the bay?

A bagel.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/yeeter102030
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2020
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What do you get when a cow jumps over an electrified barbed-wire fence?

Udder destruction.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you do when you're somewhere over the rainbow?

Weigh a pie

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JMACOB
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2019
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While my kids were colouring with markers I fell asleep on the couch. The little buggers thought it would be funny to draw all over my face to make me look like "the devil". I woke up and went to the grocery store to do our weekly shopping & didn't realise what had happened until I got home.

Boy, was my face red!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a cow fails to jump over a barbed-wire fence?

Udder destruction

Probably a re-post, but I haven't seen it on here in quite a while

If you have seen it recently... I'm utterly sorry

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do bees stay in the hive over winter?

β€˜Swarm.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 41
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/potatostomach
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you mean June is over?

Julying...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 90
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CulturedGrass
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

If they flew over the bay they would be baygulls.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 46
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew of the bay, they'd be bagles.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 72
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/professorf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they'd be baygulls.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SuperKnight1426
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?

Because they'd be called bagels if they flew over the bay...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 264
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/techtornado
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they'd be called bay gulls.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they’d be called bagels!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kscsuf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?

A trophy

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Famousspy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they’d be called bagels.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ArcaneWizard1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report

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