Dirtbag Clothing Puns

I have read a lot of the stories and there are some definite heartbreaking stories that saddened me to read them. My story is also pretty sad, but I do not think that I am able to convey the same level of bitterness and betrayal that some of the other writers and submitters have experienced. My story, of course, is sad but also perhaps gives a different perspective that might be worth listening to. I am not sure why I am writing about events that took place so many years ago, but maybe it is just a way to show people that good things happen with time. And, time and patience does seem to heal most things.

I know this is a long post, but I think the history is important to know so people understand what happened. And, that generates my question and request for advice – Based on this am I crazy to try this again and is it worthwhile at sixty years of age?

I met my wife, and we were together for almost ten years which includes seven years of marriage. We have two children who are now fully grown and have lives of their own. My wife and I met on a blind date, and it was awkward the entire night. My wife is an attractive woman with a vivacious personality. Me, on the other hand, am somewhat reserved and would not probably be considered as a head-turner. I am not that bad on the eyes, but do not in any way claim to be a great heartbreaker. I am also on the quiet side and my wife always has been the person that people noticed at a party or an event. She also has a kind heart and is very empathetic to people and always looks for the good. Strangely enough, she seemed to like me and our relationship grew.

Finally, we got married and began to build our life together. Our life was actually going very well. We had a nice home, good finances, supportive families, good friends, and our kids were doing well. But, as with many of these stories, there is a catalyst that can change everything.

Our catalyst was a pregnancy. We had two young kids at the time and wanted to go for a third child to have an even larger and happier family. We never had too many concerns in the bedroom, and we quickly had “Number-Three” on the way. I was elated when my wife told me the news and we waited about three months before we told the rest of our families about the new addition. During the next three months we were busy with planning for the nursery, working with our kids on getting ready for the new baby, looking at finances, etc…

It is perhaps the saddest day of my life when my wife

PART FIVE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY-EIGHT

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Saturday

After Geraldine changed the face of Murray’s ring through both stages to reveal the Nascerdios crest in all its glory, Murray rolled his hand and waggled his upturned fingers like a newly engaged woman for her mother to see.

“So, you were saying?’ he jeered in a sing-song voice as he cocked his head to one side.

Maybe it was because she was so tired, but between his condescending tone and his irreverent body language, Geraldine could practically feel the superiority oozing from his every pore. It wasn’t a pretty sight.

I guess that’s where the saying ‘smug is an ugly colour on you’ comes from, she thought with a weary sigh.

She hadn’t known he was a Nascerdios when they’d first met in the elevator. Not even a little bit. From what she’d seen of Sam’s family and on the covers of multiple magazines, the Nascerdios exuded … something that made everyone else sit up and pay attention. Even when they didn’t want to.

With a shy smile, she pressed on her amulet and thought to herself, Yes, I’m thinking of you, honey-bear.

Since taking on his father’s ways, everything about Sam’s confidence had changed. He hadn’t noticed it (which was par for the course where her honey-bear was concerned) but she had, and so had their classmates. Sam was getting the kind of respect that the rest of his family demanded. Other students got out of his way. No one shouted him down. People who had ignored him for years were now seeking out his opinion. With the exception of one dirtbag professor who could go die in a hole, even the staff were picking up their game around him.

Of course, he was correct in assuming it was the clothes—to a degree. The Arnav name and the millions that supposedly went with it weren’t to be sneered at, but she’d spent her life around wealth and what was going on with Sam was something else again. As if his birthright was finally taking root.

She was so proud of him, and prouder still to be called his girlfriend,

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

Mentos

(I will see myself out)

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Mention of child abuse, death, and bad mental health might trigger some so do not read. No TLDR will be provided, you can simply skip, I HONESTLY don't mind. It's a long one btw, you should know it a very big post.

On mobile, I'm Greek and dyslexic so yeah, grammar police please be nice.

My mom knows no boundaries when it comes to snooping around her kids' lives. You might think my mom is a bad person, while reading this but she is nothing but a tragic character in a very traumatic situation and a horrible upbringing, with many traumatic events and unpacked trauma. She is a very good human in reality, and has nothing mean about her. That explains, but not excuses her actions and reflection of her trauma to both her kids. I'd like to also start by saying I love my mom with no end and I'm very protective of her, so please be respectful of her. She is crazy, I call her my pokemon, she can get silly and goofy, she loves hugs and has nothing but love to give. toxic ex bestie (let's call her T) was living with my mom (dad and brother) and nearly adopted by us, cause her family was making less that 5k a year and had 2 siblings both in college, like her, so we literally took her in, fed her, clothed her and gave her a home and all the love we had. My mom loved her unconditionally and let her stay rent free at the family home for 1 year, while I was living abroad and another 2 at a spare flat she owns with me. I am mentioning this now cause I don't want anyone to think my mom is a total monster. Besides my boyfriend and mom I really don't know anyone else I can say they are made out of kindness and have nothing mean about them.

Mommy is snoopy and overprotective of her kids. She also lost all of her family before I turned 8 and really felt her only reason to exist where her kids. Dad is in the picture and a cool guy, a jack of all trades, a rebel quite literally as he fought against the dictatorship of Papadopoulos in 1973. But also was a freelance architect and worked long hours so he wasn't there to keep her anxiety in check. He is now and they are very cute together! He isn't mentioned much cause I short of actually met my father after 13, maybe even around 17 when he unfortunately lost his job at an architectural firm few years before retirement. No one would hire him cause he was either over-qualified or about to retire, plus after 2008 his industry took a massive hit, but his firm was building a 5 star resort at that time and he was safe for a while. D

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

NYSE:CEO / 99

Going long on a biotech stock that makes absolutely no money but was just waiting for a rally when they hopefully get FDA approval for one of their drugs. A few weeks ago the CEO stepped down and that was the last straw, sold at a loss. Had no idea what I was doing at the time and just wanted to pick a winning penny stock.

NYSE:CEO DATE : Wed Nov 17 18:36:57 2021 SUBREDDIT : Daytrading

No. He's not the CEO.

NYSE:CEO DATE : Wed Nov 17 04:14:54 2021 SUBREDDIT : pennystocks

Concentration can build wealth. Concentration can also lead to losing a lot of money. The problem is that no one is omniscient. You can't know everything about the past, present, and future. So even if you think you did great research and studied the market and fundamentals and everything else, you may not know that the superstar CEO sexually assaulted coeds 10 years ago and that is about to tank the company. Or that a natural disaster isn't about to wipe out your main production plant and take years to recover. Or that a trend isn't suddenly going to change, making your products unfashionable almost overnight. Of course, the most likely risk is that you're not really that good at analyzing companies, and so you'll go in heavily on something that really isn't as good as you think it is. This is why diversification can also be really key even in your wealth growth stage: it saves you from from ignorance, but also from the unexpected. And especially from the your unexpected ignorance.

NYSE:CEO DATE : Wed Nov 17 21:47:35 2021 SUBREDDIT : StockMarket

Been investing many years, not big player, just middle class, can't tell you how many times got burnt by some stocks ,STUFF happens, many of these CEO are major dirtbags ,egos thru the sky, etc etc. Now I make sure I'm diversified heavily, won't get fooled again ! Well maybe...

NYSE:CEO DATE : Wed Nov 17 22:44:10 2021 SUBREDDIT : StockMarket

[There are two ways for a tech CEO to increase his respect. 1. Shave the mustachio 2. Add a beard His beard is a complete failure, he needs to just shave it all off.🤣](/r/StockMarket/comments/qw60ze/qualcomm_ceo_its_our_moment_to_be_recogniz

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

But let me give it a shot.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

He’s the new temp.

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

And boy are my arms legs.

Amy

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

They’re on standbi

BamBOO!

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Put it on my bill